Re friend bringing dog everywhere

[Toomanythalias]

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us.
Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.
Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

I’m amazed how many people think dog friendly hotels must be horrible. I don’t know about the UK, but I live in Norway and there have been a couple of occasions when we’ve had to take the dog on emergency trips because there was nobody to look after him and we would be away too long to leave him.

I was amazed to find out which hotels were dog friendly. Some I had stayed in before and they were beautiful. The dog friendly room seemed just as clean and fabulous as the other rooms I had stayed in.

However, it’s completely reasonable not to want someone else’s dog there. It can be quite limiting, having to do everything round the dog’s needs. You were not being unreasonable, OP. I hope your friend gets over it and if she doesn’t she’ll need to find some new friends.

@Toomanythalias you have done the right thing.

I would let her calm down a bit and get the person who gets on with her the best have a chat with her. Make it clear to her that you want her to come but not her dog.

This made me laugh. Miss marple you are not!

This made me laugh. Miss marple you are not!

'Have you posted this before, op? I'm sure I read something about a soldier called Tommy and a sailor called Jack not long ago.'

There was also the thread with the postman Pat and Fireman Sam 😁

Ugh these people are insufferable. I was in a small running group where one woman always brought her dog. She kept having to stop to pick it’s shit up and so it could slow down, it would run in front of us and created a very disruptive run

@TorroFerney No need to be rude. A lot of the details are the same so just wondering if this had been done before.

Let her huff, OP.

You and your friends haven’t done a thing wrong - other than let this go on too long.

Reiterate that she is welcome (you are being entirely inclusive). Her dog is not.

This is her problem. Don’t make it yours.

No I haven't posted about this before. Another poster asked that question earlier and I answered. I just plucked the name Fido out of the air. It could have been Rover or Spot or Rufus. I was hardly going to give the dog's real name.

Anyhow our friend hasn't been responding to phone calls or texts so we've gone ahead and booked a nice hotel. We've sent her the details and said if she wants to come along to book a room.

Well done you & your friends for not bowing to crazy dog lady's demands!

I have a dog. She stays at home. She is not a person.

Does your friend possibly have anxiety or other mental issues?

I'm asking because DD does this. She cannot go anywhere without her dog(s) (she will sometimes leave one of them with me but never both of them).

She has very severe social anxiety and says her dogs make her feel more comfortable because they give her something comforting to hold and something to do with her hands when she feels stressed or anxious. They're also a perfect excuse to leave the group for a short time without having to explain that she is feeling panicky and needs time alone (which often leads to people following her to check she is OK). She can just tell people the dog needs to toilet so she's going outside/away from the group.

There is also the fact that she is too anxious to leave her dogs in case something happens to them when she is not there. Only I am trusted to look after them. She won't put them in the luxury kennels my dog uses and they cannot go to the pet sitter my dad uses because again, she worries something bad will happen to them when she is not there to comfort them and she also doesn't trust anyone to care properly for them.

I'm not saying you should accommodate your friend if you want a dog-free holiday, even if she does have anxiety, but it might explain why she feels unable to leave her dog. If you can work out why she doesn't want to leave the dog maybe you can help her find the correct support to overcome this.

For those who think this is a duplicate thread, I remember the one like it but jumped to no other conclusion than that as dog ownership has increased significantly, so has the likelihood of owners attached at the hip to their pets.

I never get the reluctance to use kennels; the sooner you get your dog/cat used to separation, (good) kennels and daycare, the better. It's a win-win, you have more freedom and the animal is happy. I'm in Australia, and while this is pure anecdotal evidence have noticed a distinct "I would never put my dog/cat in kennels" is now more common. Like a badge of distinction.

This.

People have gone really weird and needy about their pets over the last ten years. They treat them like little gods and they can't cope with being elevated to sainthood. They are animals and need to express animal behaviour and not be put under pressure in this way. The dog could probably do with some down time.

It's also weirdly controlling trying to force people to do what only she wants. I would see her as a bit of a sad loon and move on. One day she will realise she's turned into 'that person'.

YANBU. My sister got a dog a couple of years ago. They live 300 miles away so only get to visit us a couple of times a year and the dog always comes too and the family days out are ruled by the dog. Where we go and how long for depends on the dog. DH and I usually take the days off work when they’re visiting so we can have days out with them but this last visit, I had to work for a couple of hours in the morning. We’d arranged a picnic and a walk half an hour away. We arrived at 12.45 having kept them updated, only to find they were finishing eating and having to leave because the dog was tired and had had enough! Also we have to shut our cats away in the bedroom when they visit us.

I am a massive dog lover- but only of my own 2 dogs not anyone else's. I spend a LOT of time with my dogs and when I go out with friends, either to pub or a weekend break the dogs STAY AT HOME either with family member or paid dog sitter. I need a break from them too. Wouldn't dream of tagging my dogs along unless it was a pre arranged doggie and me event.

Dogs are not kids, agree on that factually but for many dog owners, their dogs are like their kids. You guys are not being unreasonable IF you have banned kids and partners from these activties as well (coffees, lunches, weekends, etc - really are mothers in your group able to make all this without their kids? Feels like a lot of regular plans and I doubt most parents can do so much without kids, if they are young).

If kids or partners are being allowed to join, then only fair for dogs to be allowed too (unless one of the kids has extreme fear of dogs, or the dog is badly behaved, etc - this should be by exception and with good rationale). Otherwise, its a bit petty to vote-out a friend rather than accomodate her love for her dog (and her dog!).

Ridiculous. There’s nothing to indicate OPs friends partners and kids are coming along to events but even if they are Why are you comparing children and partners to dogs??

If a group of mates are happy to let each other bring SO and DC that’s up to them ,it does not follow they need to let individuals bring pets.

Lots of people don’t like dogs in restaurants - including dog owners - and don’t want to be limited to only dog friendly restaurants/cafes, dog friendly events . They may also not want to have walks interrupted by the dog owner picking up poo into a bag which they carry for ages or having dog faeces or piss in their house or a dog being irritated or in pain and snapping at someone out of the blue as dogs are unpredictable. Whether they allow partners or not is irrelevant.

I don’t have kids or a husband and usually meet up with my friends when they have child free evenings / without partners…but I do sometimes meet with them when they have their kids or partner with them and I enjoy having their kids over at my house . I would not tolerate a dog in my house.

I disagree with this. My dog isn’t a child and I cannot leave my toddler home alone but my dog can be left home alone! It also perfectly reasonable to have nights away, lunches out and coffees with or without children and not want dogs to be there. I’d never dream of taking my dog and I’d be pretty pissed off of plans were being dictated by someone else’s. I also wouldn’t dream of taking my child and making it all about them if other children weren’t going. It’s really unhinged to take a dog everywhere.

I’ve worked a restaurant where someone’s horrible snappy mutt bit a customer. Dogs in restaurants are a pain in the arse. That’s real life.

This is my fear and I’m annoyed at how predictable this is, but yet more and more restaurants are letting dogs in. And people are thinking it’s a great idea to bring them to all their family or friends events that have kids running around which could easily mistakenly irritate a dog which could then result in a bite.

Wonder if customers can sue in these situations?

If I’d been the person who was bitten I’d have definitely wanted the dog banned but the restaurant owners did sod all. It wasn’t a serious bite, it was a nip, to be fair, probably not enough to be sued, but I’d have banned it. The owner was very upset.

Hilarious!

I’d be suing someone . A bite from an animal with big sharp teeth is still a bite even if a relatively “smalll” bite. The shock of it would definitely trigger anxiety in me so I’d sue for that and to teach them a lesson so it doesn’t escalate.

I got jumped on by a neighbours out of control unleashed dog and it only scratched me, but for months after I was on edge entering and leaving the building and wondering if it would bite next time.

I told the housing manager they better issue rules to dog owners immediately which they eventually did. But I didn’t get why they didn’t have rules from the start? IMO you allow dogs in your company /premises/flat accommodation etc you should have clear and enforced rules about them being on a leash etc.

Exactly. We had dogs growing up and they hardly came anywhere with us. Just stayed at home in the garden.

We didn’t rush them to the vet when they ate a bit of chocolate either. Amazingly, they all survived!