Page 2 | Re friend bringing dog everywhere

Toomanythalias · 2023-09-25T12:41:10+00:00

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us. Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude. Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 25/09/2023 14:01

People who anthropomorphise dogs get fucked-up, needy pets. She needs to stop projecting her human needs onto an animal or deal with the consequences. One is discovering that not everyone finds your dog as adorable as you do.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 25/09/2023 14:03

My in laws (BIL and SIL) bring their dog whenever they visits PILs. He’s a massive breed and slobber gets everywhere. I hate the slobber and because of his size it means I can’t put baby dd on the floor at PILs as the dog could seriously injure her if he stood on her. He’s only a year old but is St Bernard so dangerous for tiny dd to go on a floor gym. I’m not looking forward to Xmas if dog is there 😐

Your friend knows she can’t bring dog now so she’ll have to make her choice.

Fallenangelofthenorth · 25/09/2023 14:03

She needs to find a dog sitter really. I love my dog, and I know I'm lucky as my mum will have him as well as my ex, but if I didn't have them, then I'd be looking for dog sitter or kennels even. You can't never ever leave them, it would be so limiting.

transformandriseup · 25/09/2023 14:03

We had this the other weekend, friends of ours wanted us to meet up but at the last minute we found out they were bringing the dog and then they wanted us to ring around and see which restaurants accepted dogs. I wasn't too happy to be honest.

HamBone · 25/09/2023 14:05

You know that YANBU OP. I went away for the weekend last year with a couple of friends and none of us brought our dogs.

Tbh, my dog (and I’m sure many others) prefers to stay at home or at our dog sitter’s house.

shockthemonkey · 25/09/2023 14:07

Is this friend single and are most of her friends hitched? The dog may be her emotional crutch. I know somebody like this. If she’s hard up, putting the dog in kennels she’d consider up to standard would also be a huge additional expense.

I have every sympathy with your stance by the way… I just wonder if your friend may be more dependent on her dog than you realise. That does not mean you should back down here though. I think you should have the dog-free break you want.

GingerIsBest · 25/09/2023 14:07

How on earth has this not come up before? I mean,I can understand it being accepted she'll bring the dog to your house or whatever - once you've said yes the first time, it can be difficult to say no subsequently. Even dog friendly cafes I could accept (although largely because where I live lots and lots of cafes are dog friendly) But dog-friendly restaurants? when I'm paying a lot of money for food I don't want to go to a dog friendly venue. I want to go somewhere I can have a drink, not listen to barking, and not have to worry about a dog dribbling on my foot. Ick.

YANBU. You probably should have nipped this in the bud earlier but it's 100% fair enough to say in a group that you don't want to go to a dog-friendly hotel.

Newestname002 · 25/09/2023 14:08

transformandriseup · 25/09/2023 14:03

We had this the other weekend, friends of ours wanted us to meet up but at the last minute we found out they were bringing the dog and then they wanted us to ring around and see which restaurants accepted dogs. I wasn't too happy to be honest.

And did you ring round? Or did they (as they were the dog owners?) 🌹

Original poster

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 14:09

shockthemonkey · 25/09/2023 14:07

Is this friend single and are most of her friends hitched? The dog may be her emotional crutch. I know somebody like this. If she’s hard up, putting the dog in kennels she’d consider up to standard would also be a huge additional expense.

I have every sympathy with your stance by the way… I just wonder if your friend may be more dependent on her dog than you realise. That does not mean you should back down here though. I think you should have the dog-free break you want.

I've lots of friends who are single. She's the only one who behaves like this.

OP posts:

D1nopawus · 25/09/2023 14:10

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 25/09/2023 14:01

People who anthropomorphise dogs get fucked-up, needy pets. She needs to stop projecting her human needs onto an animal or deal with the consequences. One is discovering that not everyone finds your dog as adorable as you do.

This. I swear half the people who got dogs in lockdown never gave a shit about mutts previously. Now they can't go anywhere without their fur baby.

The explosion of dog accessories hasn't helped. The dog doesn't care about being insta'd in the latest joules coat, they'd rather roll in fox poo.

FOJN · 25/09/2023 14:11

If she’s hard up, putting the dog in kennels she’d consider up to standard would also be a huge additional expense.

I don't know how other people do things but among my circle of friends with dogs we look after each others dogs if we need to go away.

Original poster

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 14:12

GingerIsBest · 25/09/2023 14:07

How on earth has this not come up before? I mean,I can understand it being accepted she'll bring the dog to your house or whatever - once you've said yes the first time, it can be difficult to say no subsequently. Even dog friendly cafes I could accept (although largely because where I live lots and lots of cafes are dog friendly) But dog-friendly restaurants? when I'm paying a lot of money for food I don't want to go to a dog friendly venue. I want to go somewhere I can have a drink, not listen to barking, and not have to worry about a dog dribbling on my foot. Ick.

YANBU. You probably should have nipped this in the bud earlier but it's 100% fair enough to say in a group that you don't want to go to a dog-friendly hotel.

It's hard to explain, but the dog just ends up coming places. For example We had booked a table in a nice restaurant a few months ago, no dogs allowed. She seemed happy enough with this. But on the evening, when we were meeting for a drink first, she arrived with the dog in tow and excuses about 'poor Fido, he got so upset when he realised I was going out without him...' and suggested a restaurant down the road that allowed dogs. She kind of put us on the spot and we did agree afterwards we should have put our foot down and said 'No'.

OP posts:

MaggieFS · 25/09/2023 14:14

I have children (although I often think I should have had dogs instead):

-sometimes they come with me when it's planned and suitable
-sometimes I pay other people to have them so I can go it (wahoo)
-and frequently I miss out

That's how it goes.

Querypost · 25/09/2023 14:15

A dog is enough of a tie for its owner, without it negatively impacting on the lives of all its owners friends! YANBU.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 25/09/2023 14:15

You should feel relieved that she's huffed off, OP. She sounds completely entitled and a bit touched, to boot. That's a friendship I would be extricating myself from, pronto.

countvoncount · 25/09/2023 14:16

YANBU OP!!!
God almighty that would drive me nuts

KimberleyClark · 25/09/2023 14:17

YANBU.

Original poster

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 14:17

Alighttouchonthetiller · 25/09/2023 14:15

You should feel relieved that she's huffed off, OP. She sounds completely entitled and a bit touched, to boot. That's a friendship I would be extricating myself from, pronto.

You're right. Anytime we've all gone out lately I just end up spending the time being irritated that the bloody dog is with us again. We all feel the same really, but have just let her get away with thinking it's ok.

OP posts:

Highandlows · 25/09/2023 14:19

Leave her. She will find new friends and everyone would be happier. She would probably do not ditch the dog for any of you anyway.

Charlize43 · 25/09/2023 14:20

Does she have one of those XL Bully dogs? Is there anyway you could report her? Report her anyway.

GingerIsBest · 25/09/2023 14:21

I'm sorry OP, my post wasn't meant to be having a dig at you. She sounds like a bit of CF who is quite happy to guilt trip her friends to do what she likes all the time. sadly, you're probably better off without her. I certainly would not have cancelled a reservation at a nice restaurant because her dog "got so upset". Bloody hell. I feel bad sometimes when I leave my dog at home and I know she's had a bit of a boring day, and sometimes I cut things short because I have a responsibility to her, but I don't guilt trip my friends into changing their plans for me.

HamBone · 25/09/2023 14:22

What I find odd is how do people like this think dog owners managed before venues became dog-friendly?

I didn’t have a dog growing up but loads of my relatives/ friends’ families did-and the dogs only came along for outdoors activities like walking or a run on the beach. They didn’t come along for a night out. 🤣

BotterMon · 25/09/2023 14:22

Bet she calls it her Furbaby too?

I love dogs and have them, but I'm completely with you on this.

Original poster

Toomanythalias · 25/09/2023 14:22

GingerIsBest · 25/09/2023 14:21

I'm sorry OP, my post wasn't meant to be having a dig at you. She sounds like a bit of CF who is quite happy to guilt trip her friends to do what she likes all the time. sadly, you're probably better off without her. I certainly would not have cancelled a reservation at a nice restaurant because her dog "got so upset". Bloody hell. I feel bad sometimes when I leave my dog at home and I know she's had a bit of a boring day, and sometimes I cut things short because I have a responsibility to her, but I don't guilt trip my friends into changing their plans for me.

Your post was fine. It didn't sound like a dig. I agree we should all have said something long before this.

OP posts:

uncertainalice · 25/09/2023 14:23

I am thinking about getting a dog...but this kind of carry-on really puts me off; why do dogs have to go everywhere with you these days?

Can dogs really not be left alone even for a short time, or is this more about their owners' needs?