To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

[madamreign]

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate.

We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants.

Am I just being old fashioned?

People where I lived back when my DCs were small (in the 90s and 00s) seemed to be quite tolerant of shrieking kids/ children having meltdowns. It was a regular occurrence every time I went out to the supermarket. People would smile grimly and probably like me think back to the times my own DCs created the cacophony, or something along the lines of 'there but for the grace of God...' This was because all parents had was crayons, goldfish crackers, 'helping' with shopping, and distracting conversations to entertain their children with. Also bribery.

I suspect that the quiet children of today who are glued to their screens are conditioning the general public to expect quiet children as a matter of course, which is a pity.

Er, we play a card game, or if they want to draw we'd probably challenge them to draw something or whatever. Reading might be for a bit while we're waiting for the food to come. Sorry, but that is different from watching TV on an ipad.

Agree OP it's very rude.

Oh no, devastated I am 😂
I have small kids, the phone stays out - if you think that’s rude then I’d think you were weird.
Im also getting increasingly hard of hearing so I wouldn’t hear my phone bleep in my bag.
I DO think it’s needy and insecure to demand 100% of a person’s attention and then if they don’t give it to you sit thinking “well obviously they don’t like me!”
Luckily my friends are amazing, have no problem with each other having phones out and don’t get offended or huffy or think ‘rude’ if someone checks a text message

What about playing games together on an iPad?
Last time we won’t on holiday the kids were bored of constant sitting for meals so we took iPads and me and DD played chess. Neither of them ‘watched TV’ and I imagine a lot of kids who you think are watching Peppa Pig are actually doing something educational

We use them at restaurants all the time. Nice restaurants too. With headphones on obviously. And we relax and enjoy our uninterrupted meal. Couldn't give a F what anyone else around us thinks.

I sometimes wear a full virtual reality headset in restaurants. It’s great if you’re in McDonalds but would rather be eating Michelin star in Paris with someone you actually like.

I wholeheartedly agree OP. We have had some teenagers staying with us from abroad and no phones at the table is a struggle.

I don't get the automatic reliance on phones either. Our DC is 6. We've been on a lot of airplanes journeys and I think they are usually the only child without their face shoved in a screen.

I agree too.

Urgh, another judgy thread.

DS has an iPad. He doesn't have it during dinner at home. We take it to restaurants along with other activities and allow him to have it at some point if he wants it when it's the 3 of us. Conversely, we were at my FIL's birthday lunch recently and DS sat for 3 hours either doing activities, looking out the window or chatting. He never once asked for, nor was offered, the iPad.

The world has moved on. Kids learn so much from technology and there's more to explore on an iPad than just YouTube.

🤣

That's because they are replying quickly at a cafe or cafe with their friends and wondering why their friends are getting weirdly hostile....

I think it's totally disrespectful to use a phone at all when at the table.

If my phone rang I'd ignore it and call them back once I'd finished eating.

I mean half of me thinks it's rude but I always try to understand a situation on its merits. I have three kids who can chat at the table. If I see an only child or a child with extra needs with a screen, I get it. Personally I always pack puzzle and colouring books but everyone is different I guess.

@MartinChuzzlewit I have small kids, the phone stays out - if you think that’s rude then I’d think you were weird.
Im also getting increasingly hard of hearing so I wouldn’t hear my phone bleep in my bag.
I DO think it’s needy and insecure to demand 100% of a person’s attention and then if they don’t give it to you sit thinking “well obviously they don’t like me!”
Luckily my friends are amazing, have no problem with each other having phones out and don’t get offended or huffy or think ‘rude’ if someone checks a text message

of course it's rude if you're out with other people not to give them your attention - it's not 'needy and insecure', it's called good manners and a mark of actually wanting to enjoy the company of the people you're with.

When it comes to adult meals and outings, I absolutely hate screens at the dinner or dining table. I find it disrespectful.

Occasionally if DP & I are out for a meal for an occasion, he might take his phone out to send a picture to his family group chat. He’s the youngest and they all have kids so they regularly write in updates and he feels almost obliged to!

My best friend and I haven’t dined out in over a year. She’s a Social Media Manager and her phone is like an extra limb. She will scroll aimlessly without realising and will take a phone call mid food and won’t even excuse herself. Even if we went to the cinema she would frequently check her notifications! We usually go for walks or morning coffees instead and agree to tune out for fifteen to thirty minutes to have some quality catch-up time device free and this works for us.

I know it’s convenient to have a device accessible for any younger children while out dining and I don’t disagree with it. Before my nephews I would’ve felt really strongly about it being inappropriate but I realised sometimes it’s the only thing that will keep them quiet and occupied. If I ever babysat (sister approved of this), I would try occupy my eldest nephew with puzzles or colouring books and I would let him watch something brief on YouTube if these weren’t to hand so I could feed my youngest nephew (baby, unable to feed himself properly). This always worked for us (sister included) and allowed us time to feed both babies and give them both attention where the restaurant accommodated babies food first (and most do). The rule was always devices to be put away when food came out and were never given back when food was finished, and my eldest nephew was aware of this boundary and respected it (never threw any tantrums).

I still disagree with parents leaving their children in front of an iPad or iPhone for a full meal especially while they eat but I’ve learned that parenting is tough (from an aunty perspective) and I don’t necessarily know what’s going on in that persons life so I try not to judge them for their choices.

It's a scale for me, depends on the situation!

My own table, if we're out at a nice restaurant trying to enjoy a family meal then DS 6 won't be having screen time, conversation would be family appropriate - I wouldn't mind so much near the end whilst finishing up drinks or waiting for the bill if he wanted to play the quick games he's got on my phone. I wouldn't go on mine to use socially, I'd expect the same of DP but if it's showing each other something or just a quick think pre faced with "just got to do this quick" then it's fine- there's no hard and fast controlling rule where screens have zero tolerance.

If we were somewhere laid back, just grabbing a quick snack I'd expect no screen whilst DS is actually eating but I don't mind around that.

However when DS was younger, I definitely wasn't above putting peppa on my phone and propping it up once I'd fed him so I could actually eat my own meal whilst it was semi warm 😅 I don't care about all the games and engagement we could be having either, he got plenty of that around me/DP eating - it was never loud though because that I do find rude! But since he's old enough to understand DS has been trained taught table manners as a non negotiable.

Other people? I really couldn't give a shit what they're doing as long as I don't have to listen to it 🤷🏻‍♀️ each to their own, I'm really not down for judging what others do to get through

That's great for you if that works for you. However if one of my parents had been admitted to hospital and something serious had happened I'd be embarrassed of myself for only finding out 2 hours later because I had a rigid rule of ignoring my phone completely because the people I was in company of might be offended. So I'll do what works for me, and it's not that.

Yeah to be honest the only time I break the rule of checking my phone is if it actually rings, if it’s school or babysitter or DH or one of my parents (or say an expected call from medical professionals) I’ll excuse myself and answer. I don’t pick up if I don’t recognise the number. If it’s that important people will call me and if it’s not important I can check a text later

Fully agree, I work things the same way.

😂😂😂