To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

[madamreign]

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate.

We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants.

Am I just being old fashioned?

I don't think you are being old fashioned.

One benefit of not having screens and devices at a meal table is that it is time they can have to be charged up.

I remember being on holiday in south east asia c 2009 before smartphones and tablets were anywhere near as common a sight as they are now. A wealthy American family came and sat next to us and they took FOUR iPads out of the bags and gave them to each their four kids. Back then nobody (I knew) had more than one tablet!

I remember being totally shocked. Tbf
to the parents they had a very peaceful meal- kids didn’t engage at all even when the food came and they got to talk to each other!

Once I became a parent myself I sort of “got” why this was a thing but with limited scenarios excepted I still think it’s pretty rude and lazy parenting. My kids have far too much screen time but when we are eating either at home or out they are expected to talk to us!

Meh at 'lazy parenting'. Sometimes I'm a very active and engaged parent. Sometimes I'm lazy. Same with cooking, exercise, housework... Most of us as lazy sometimes. And much as I love my children, sometimes I want to talk about more than just what's my favourite Disney princess and what does a pear look like.

It's beyond me why some people are so obsessed with what other people do at their own tables in their own houses, I couldn't give a fiddlers.

Neither do I.

So why start a thread about it

@MartinChuzzlewit

I didn't.

It's what happens at my table that I'm bothered about.

Oh no your poor DD, that does sound upsetting. Kids can be so mean. Hope she's OK now.

…then why post on MN? You’re in control of your dining table. Who are you complaining about and what are you complaining about? Unless people are forcing their way into your house and sitting at your table with iPads. It’s not something to even give a second thought if you don’t care

Honestly, I truly believe the devil may be a 10yo girl! They’re so mean. I was a bit pissed and really wanted to say “She’s a horrible little fucker and you are wonderful remember that” but I thought that probably wasn’t brilliant parenting 😂😂

I never understand any blanket-type rules.

If we are eating at the table together, I would absolutely 100% expect screens to be turned off and put away, in all cases and for all reasons.

In a restaurant, I would usually NOT take younger DC to the kind of restaurants that are going to take long enough that a bit of colouring would not work for them. Occasionally, when they were very small and I did need to, I might have allowed a screen while they waiting - on silent or with headphones.

Someone routinely checking their phone while out for dinner with me I'd consider rude. BUT... I would absolutely accept if someone said as we sat down, "I'm really sorry, I have to keep my phone handy to keep an eye out as I am a bit worried about whether DS is well enough to have a babysitter so I've told her to ring me if he gets worse" or similar. Then I would expect call screening/texting so that only calls/messages from the babysitter are responded to.

I let the DC watch screens while eating breakfast - it's not a family activity and usually while they're eating I'm making packed lunches, tidying up etc. At their age, we watched cartoons (or the news, if dad was in charge) while we ate breakfast.

as a family, we do not all eat together every night. So on the nights that we are not, for whatever reason, it's entirely likely that one or more of us will eat while watching tv/iPad.

So no, there's no blanket rule but broadly, in a social situation, no, I would expect no screens.

Incidentally, when we were growing up, we had no tv at dinner and, if the landline rang, whoever answered it took a message - no one was allowed to take a call during dinner.

fine for your family but for others it's absolutely none of your business.

I've made a habit of pulling these people up on this - either use headphones or mute it.
One entitled Mum decided that I was being unreasonable and we should all have to listen to Peppa fucking Pig in a reasonably posh venue; luckily the staff agreed with me and told her to shut it up or leave.

@MartinChuzzlewit

To see if I was being old fashioned?? I state this in the opening post

I agree with you OP on two levels, 1, it's just bad manners to the person you are with and 2, it's a chance to take a break from the devices especially when there's so much addiction. If I meet a friend 1 to 1 for an hour I would expect their attention for that time, especially if its a friend i haven't seen in months. If I am waiting on a msg I would tell them that's why my phone is out, my friends tend to do likewise, we feel an explanation is necessary, otherwise its rude. I might say i need to check my phone half way through then they go back into the bag or the pocket. It's really not a big deal, I find it worrying that people can't do this. I lose a lot of respect for them to be honest, i often wonder what an inflated sense of self importance they must have to think the world cannot function without their input for a few mins.

You should be more secure in your decisions really if you ask to tell a load of strangers their opinion on your perfectly reasonable decisions.

Just admit you wanted to display your smugness at your lack of screens and stick the boot into screen users. It’s fine - just own it

We’d have to get rid of AIBU altogether if going with that suggestion 😂. I mean, it is kind of the point … getting other peoples opinions so you can judge if your way is unusual.

It that’s not what the OP is doing, she wants to just gather people to sprinkle their smugness over families who have iPads at the table.

6yo DS purposefully picks obscure things like ‘something beginning with W’ and it’s “Woman in that picture over there”

That‘s something my youngest would do! 😅

We don't generally allow screens at the dining table. My DH may sometimes pop a big football match on his phone but that happens no more than a handful of times a year and it is muted. We can both wait until after dinner to text someone. It hasn't happened yet, but obviously if there was an important call expected at dinner time then that would be ok in our books.

We used to sit watching TV while eating dinner pre-DC. So it's not like we're high and mighty about it, it's just a personal choice.

I never allow electronics or phones at the table whether eating at home or eating out.
Mine were taught to sit and eat their food nicely instead. Any bad behaviour was sharply rebuked.

I have a 2 year old and we eat our dinner together at the table, never in front of screens at home. It wouldn’t really occur to me to, but we just sit at the table when the food is ready and get down when the meal is over.

But we spent 2 nights away last week with breakfast and dinner in a hotel, the first evening and morning we were full of good intentions and tried to keep DD occupied during the wait for our food with games, crayons, stories etc but couldn’t keep her busy much longer than 10-15 mins. Then she just wanted to climb down from the table and run around. Tbh I thought we were expecting a lot from her so the next evening and morning she was allowed to watch Peppa on mute while we ate.

If you’d seen us you’d probably think we were crap lazy parents, but actually we do a lot with her and are very careful with screen time, but some times needs just. We were knackered too and just wanted to eat a meal. I think it’s pretty unreasonable to expect a kid her age to sit nicely and colour for long enough in a restaurant.

So I guess now I wouldn’t judge as you are only seeing a snippet of people’s lives, especially in restaurants.

It that’s not what the OP is doing, she wants to just gather people to sprinkle their smugness over families who have iPads at the table.

Exactly what I was going to say. Look at me and my awesome child entertaining.

There's a balance. Kids shouldn't be on screens with the volume up and no headphones in a restaurant. Drives me nuts. If I'm on holiday and see the same families at mealtimes, I do slightly judge if their kids are always glued to their iPad and ignored.

But you only see a snapshot of their day. They might have entertained the kids all day with the type of worthy activities the OP enjoys. The parents might be meeting friends for a quick meal and want to have some interrupted adult conversation. All of these are acceptable reasons if you have young kids.

YY @sep135

My nephew is ASD. He looks like an actual cherub. There’s nothing very clear to look at him to indicate he has SEN - as with most SEN kids. But if he doesn’t have his iPad at a meal out he has a meltdown. I wonder which fellow diners would prefer!! He has headphones as well.

YANBU.

I'm always curious as to what the "no screens ever" brigade would have people do with small children who can't do colouring for more than a couple of minutes.

How do you think people managed before portable screens? I'm pretty sure kids in restaurants were on average better behaved when I was a child (70s / early 80s) when nobody had screens, so why is it so hard now? My dc are 15 and 18 and we never allowed screens at the table, at home or out.