Page 8 | To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

madamreign · 2023-09-25T08:56:00+00:00

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate. We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants. Am I just being old fashioned?

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 19:30

Isometimeswonder · 25/09/2023 18:25

I can control what happens at my dinner table actually, especially if I've cooked.
I'm not talking about other people's houses. But yes, I think it's rude if phones ring at other tables in restaurants. Basic manners.

When I say ‘what other people do ‘ I mean at THEIR tables

bit actually if I went to an adults house and was controlled over not checking my phone at dinner it would be the last time I go there.

I’m not sure it’s rude to have someone call a phone - hardly the phone owner’s fault.

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 19:30

Topseyt123 · 25/09/2023 18:30

I couldn't give a shit if phones ring at other tables. I doubt I'd even notice to be honest.

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Some people must have really shit company at restaurants if they focus too much on the activity of other tables

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 19:31

Isometimeswonder · 25/09/2023 18:47

Says me! I just happen to think that the conversation you're having with the people you're with is more important than a mobile phone.

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Well I checked my phone at dinner, what you gonna do? 😂 ‘says me’. Are you the queen of the world? No one gives a shit if you say it’s rude.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 19:44

Conkersinautumn · 25/09/2023 10:53

Screens at the table, screens when you've arranged to meet someone, screens during a conversation are all extremely rude. Nothing says I don't want to be here like picking up the zombie box. I've stopped bothering with friends who've pulled out their phone when we were chatting. Obviously they're not that fussed about my company.

Ditto, though happily most of my friends never behaved like this in the first place

Except just one, who had a son she insisted on dragging along to a formal meal I was hosting. Mentioning politely (both before and during) that we don't do phones at table made no difference - out it came, with the usual "I'm just ..."

Massive offence taken that I'd even presume to ask it was put away, but luckily I no longer have to see her

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 20:44

Hmmm, I’m not sure is why anyone would invite a child to a ‘formal dinner’ and expect them not to be bored.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 20:47

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 20:44

Hmmm, I’m not sure is why anyone would invite a child to a ‘formal dinner’ and expect them not to be bored.

I said "a son", not "a child", MartinChuzzlewit ... he was 23 at the time, though TBH it was never clear why she wanted to drag him along in the first place

BananaPyjamaLlama · 25/09/2023 20:49

YANBU op
@BethDuttonsTwin yes it does if they are taking a call on speakerphone, or watching/listening to something without headphones. The former happened to me today when I was having lunch with a friend in a pub. Really annoying and not ok.

@MartinChuzzlewit surely it can be in your pocket/bag next to you - surely you arent "so needy and insecure" you need it actually on the table?

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 20:59

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 20:47

I said "a son", not "a child", MartinChuzzlewit ... he was 23 at the time, though TBH it was never clear why she wanted to drag him along in the first place

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OK I’ll converse on that one - 23!!! Why did she bring him?!

mambojambodothetango · 25/09/2023 20:59

It's sad, rather than rude. So sad that people can't entertain themselves without getting a screen out. Our DC take books or paper to draw with or a card game if we're going out. At home, we eat and talk. If you can't not look at your phone for 15 minutes of the day, or if you'd rather watch something than converse with your family, I think you've got problems. Showing someone a photo or looking up what a word means isn't what the OP means and you all know it.

nutmegnook · 25/09/2023 21:00

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/09/2023 10:07

I think it depends on context so YABU to have a total blanket rule.

We've only used them once with the kids, at a zoo food place earlier this year where we were honestly sat for 30 minutes trying to download their stupid ordering app and make it work, and then another 20 minutes waiting for food to come, and my one year old and three year old (at the time) wanted to just get up and run around the restaurant. Frankly we had run out of things to try and point out to them in the featureless room. We gave the youngest Cocomelon on the phone at a low volume and the oldest got Peppa Pig on the iPad.

I'm always curious as to what the "no screens ever" brigade would have people do with small children who can't do colouring for more than a couple of minutes and who just want to run around and play. You'd complain if they were screaming and crying in high chairs because we hadn't let them out. You'd complain if they were running around. You complain about screens. What would you have us do with them in the face of a preposterous delay like the one I outlined above? Obviously the children are on the path to learning to sit nicely but as with anything, that's developmental and children aren't born sitting perfectly waiting for food.

Having said that there is no reason I can see to use them at home but I wouldn't say other people can't use them if that's what works for them. I just can't see why you'd need them at home for the children. The children should play until dinner time and then come to the table when their food is on it, eat their food, with maybe a short wait at the table if they're having a yoghurt or other pudding. Then they should be allowed to go back to playing. Adults should model this where possible and be present to eat food, but it's not always practical, for example if they are waiting for an important time-sensitive text message and it comes in during a mealtime they might have to act on it.

So there's no single blanket rule that works for people and adults (being adults) should use their common sense to decide on a case-by-case basis.

What did parents do in the 80's and 90's before phones and tablets to entertain the kids?

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 21:00

BananaPyjamaLlama · 25/09/2023 20:49

YANBU op
@BethDuttonsTwin yes it does if they are taking a call on speakerphone, or watching/listening to something without headphones. The former happened to me today when I was having lunch with a friend in a pub. Really annoying and not ok.

@MartinChuzzlewit surely it can be in your pocket/bag next to you - surely you arent "so needy and insecure" you need it actually on the table?

I think it’s politer to have it on the table if I’m gonna be checking it.

I only need to look when something flashes up. Otherwise I’m taking it in and out my pocket to check it. Which seems ruder I think

namechanging1212 · 25/09/2023 21:01

We never sat as a family at the table, never went to restaurants, kids sat separately whilst playing and watching cartoon but the superior complex on mn is absolutely bonkers lol. The first manners I was taught though was to mind my own business which a lot of people are clearly lacking. You do you, but keep your weird thoughts and rules to yourselves. We live in 2023 not 1923 ffs.

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 21:04

mambojambodothetango · 25/09/2023 20:59

It's sad, rather than rude. So sad that people can't entertain themselves without getting a screen out. Our DC take books or paper to draw with or a card game if we're going out. At home, we eat and talk. If you can't not look at your phone for 15 minutes of the day, or if you'd rather watch something than converse with your family, I think you've got problems. Showing someone a photo or looking up what a word means isn't what the OP means and you all know it.

So sad that your conversation isn’t stimulating enough for your kids that you have to give them books and colouring. so, so sad.

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 21:05

nutmegnook · 25/09/2023 21:00

What did parents do in the 80's and 90's before phones and tablets to entertain the kids?

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Books and colouring. I’m yet to see how this is different form screens TBH

namechanging1212 · 25/09/2023 21:10

So sad that your conversation isn’t stimulating enough for your kids that you have to give them books and colouring. so, so sad.

@MartinChuzzlewit 😂😂😂👍👍

jannier · 25/09/2023 21:11

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/09/2023 10:07

I think it depends on context so YABU to have a total blanket rule.

We've only used them once with the kids, at a zoo food place earlier this year where we were honestly sat for 30 minutes trying to download their stupid ordering app and make it work, and then another 20 minutes waiting for food to come, and my one year old and three year old (at the time) wanted to just get up and run around the restaurant. Frankly we had run out of things to try and point out to them in the featureless room. We gave the youngest Cocomelon on the phone at a low volume and the oldest got Peppa Pig on the iPad.

I'm always curious as to what the "no screens ever" brigade would have people do with small children who can't do colouring for more than a couple of minutes and who just want to run around and play. You'd complain if they were screaming and crying in high chairs because we hadn't let them out. You'd complain if they were running around. You complain about screens. What would you have us do with them in the face of a preposterous delay like the one I outlined above? Obviously the children are on the path to learning to sit nicely but as with anything, that's developmental and children aren't born sitting perfectly waiting for food.

Having said that there is no reason I can see to use them at home but I wouldn't say other people can't use them if that's what works for them. I just can't see why you'd need them at home for the children. The children should play until dinner time and then come to the table when their food is on it, eat their food, with maybe a short wait at the table if they're having a yoghurt or other pudding. Then they should be allowed to go back to playing. Adults should model this where possible and be present to eat food, but it's not always practical, for example if they are waiting for an important time-sensitive text message and it comes in during a mealtime they might have to act on it.

So there's no single blanket rule that works for people and adults (being adults) should use their common sense to decide on a case-by-case basis.

Before screens people took toys or walked children around played games.

WeWereInParis · 25/09/2023 21:13

I'm always curious as to what the "no screens ever" brigade would have people do with small children who can't do colouring for more than a couple of minutes and who just want to run around and play.

Im not particularly vehemently anti-screens, but since it's relatively recent that you have the ability to have screens capable of entertaining a small child while out and about (so not an old Nokia etc), it can't really be hard for you to think of an alternative.

mathanxiety · 25/09/2023 21:13

I think there's a difference between rude and casual.

I don't think it's necessarily rude in all circumstances.

I do feel very strongly that it's terribly sad to see small children who are not at all interested in their surroundings because they're constantly glued to a screen. My DCs were all born before the age of tablets, smartphones, etc, and we went to the supermarket and out to eat and had actual conversations, something I think a great many children today do not experience.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 21:23

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 20:59

OK I’ll converse on that one - 23!!! Why did she bring him?!

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I honestly don't know; at the time it was all "Oooo he'll love it!!" (Why? ) and being even more stupid back then I let her grind me down

A mistake I've not repeated ...

My DCs were all born before the age of tablets, smartphones, etc, and we went to the supermarket and out to eat and had actual conversations, something I think a great many children today do not experience

I sometimes wonder if this has anything to do with the incessant shrieking so common now, @mathanxiety. Stuck with their heads in screens there isn't the same opportunity for learning to converse in normal tones, and surely that's got to have an effect?

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 21:26

mathanxiety · 25/09/2023 21:13

I think there's a difference between rude and casual.

I don't think it's necessarily rude in all circumstances.

I do feel very strongly that it's terribly sad to see small children who are not at all interested in their surroundings because they're constantly glued to a screen. My DCs were all born before the age of tablets, smartphones, etc, and we went to the supermarket and out to eat and had actual conversations, something I think a great many children today do not experience.

I’m thinking again of my ASD nephew. We often have family meals out and my kids and their other cousin don’t need screens but nephew does. Poor SIL is so worried she is judged but it IS better than him having a meltdown. It may not have been a thing decades ago but neither was ASD children being understood and being able to be in public without people assuming they’re just a spoilt brat

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 21:28

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 21:23

I honestly don't know; at the time it was all "Oooo he'll love it!!" (Why? ) and being even more stupid back then I let her grind me down

A mistake I've not repeated ...

My DCs were all born before the age of tablets, smartphones, etc, and we went to the supermarket and out to eat and had actual conversations, something I think a great many children today do not experience

I sometimes wonder if this has anything to do with the incessant shrieking so common now, @mathanxiety. Stuck with their heads in screens there isn't the same opportunity for learning to converse in normal tones, and surely that's got to have an effect?

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I’m just picturing a grown man with a bib on shouting “Pudding mummy. PUDDING NOW! I need a poo!” 😂
BTWy last post should have said ‘concede’ not ‘converse’

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 21:32

I’m just picturing a grown man with a bib on shouting “Pudding mummy. PUDDING NOW! I need a poo!”

Brilliant grin]

Mummyof287 · 25/09/2023 21:41

No you aren't and I actually think its really good you have this rule.
We try to do similar but have always made exceptions for our girls as toddlers watching abit of Peppa or something quietly when at a restaurant....they don't have the concentration span to focus on colouring books etc for long at that age.

Or for kids with genuine additional needs/mental disabilities of course.

Sigmama · 25/09/2023 21:49

Sistermichaelshabit, 2 kids, 2 screens, no headphones? Nice - and why can't kids do colouring for more than 2 minutes?

BananaPyjamaLlama · 25/09/2023 21:55

@MartinChuzzlewit I was out for a long lunch with a friend today. Phone in my bag cos if anyone needed me........ it would beep. It didnt beep. I got it out twice for about 10 seconds to check that I hadnt missed it beeping, phone back in my bag. My friend did the same.
Neither of us are "so needy" that we are bothered by the other one taking 10 seconds to check our phones. And neither "so insecure" that we are insulted by the other checking for any important message.

You refer to others as being needy and secure........ but if you sat with your phone on the table the whole time you ate a lunch with me......... I would totally be thinking you were needy and insecure. And rude.