To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

[madamreign]

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate.

We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants.

Am I just being old fashioned?

Yes, it is rude at home, we don't have kids but no phones at table is still a rule, and we don't have the TV on. I'm always torn about kids on screens when eating out - definitely not with the volume on, but if it's a long meal then i can see why it might be a last resort. I'd rather that, than a kid running around shouting.

Ah good old reference to ‘Europe’ like it’s one big country and culture 🤣

The way they treat children, especially ND children, in some parts of Europe make me very glad we live in the IK

I'm finding this weird too. Like some situations aren't emergencies but if my Mum had sent me a text worrying about something, not an emergency but not allowed to answer because someone will frown upon me. There's picking your phone up for 30 second to reply to something you deem important enough to, and there's taking the piss and just being on your phone and answering any text that can totally wait. But some of these posters aren't getting it. Seems like it's their way or no way.

IME most people don’t allow screens at the table. It’s normal, not old fashioned at all.

I do think OP is being a big goady though.

@SisterMichaelsHabit My son (2.5) has a sticker book that only comes out in restaurants. We also have a magnetic drawing tablet that we play games with or a pack of Peter Rabbit playing cards that we use. If he's ever really kicking off then my husband takes him outside and I just wave them back in when the food arrives.

Why would you do any of that when you’ve gone to a restaurant explicitly to engage with another person face to face?
Beyond answering an urgent call from a babysitter, maybe, none of that is necessary.

I thought you meant an older child and something bad had happened to them. In your scenario, I wouldn't have had my phone out just because I have small children. Their father can and will deal with it, and say mummy is with a friend. It's not usual in my group of friends with kids either to have phones out checking messages "just in case". If the kids were being looked after by a non parent I'd have my phone out.

Exactly! On Friday I also answered a text from my mum asking me to remind her of my Disney+ password as she uses my account and got new internet line so needed to log back in. She wanted to watch the next episode of something about murders in a building thing. I wasn’t gonna say “No you must wait until 10pm when I’m done with Emma” 😂 that’s my mum! I told my friend and she just laughed and said something about telling my mum season X episode X is amazing

How do you know which children have additional needs though? Maybe you’re sat there judging away and the child does have additional needs. Some are hidden.

You will only know my DD has additional needs when she becomes distressed about something and she might have a meltdown, but while she’s sat there quietly looking at her iPad she might be the (what you think is a NT) child you’re rolling your eyes at and I might be the parent you’re rolling your eyes at while I enjoy the calmness.

Even children who are NT I can’t get worked up about having an iPad. As long as the volume is down then what’s the problem? They’re not sat with you so just zone out from what others are doing and enjoy your meal.

Because sometimes it’s fine to not always be talking or looking at your companions. Sometimes good friends accept that you would like to reply to a text and they don’t get all offended about not getting all the attention.

I find it self absorbed, rude and also sad. (Unless on call for emergencies). Someone on beach this weekend on phone whole time, DC wanting to interact and play just kept being fobbed off. Such a common sight when eating out. No wonder many children starting school have such poor language skills if losing that constant interaction and language development.
My DC don’t like screens at table and find it rude too. When we’re out with friends/family we want to listen to the people we are with not make them feel second place to absent people.
When our families were younger we just used to play loads of games while waiting for food like twenty questions and silly made up stuff. Also cards. The adult DCs still start them off when we are together. It’s a lot more bonding than silence while everyone looks at their phones.
Several friends our age always get out phones to look up stuff during an interesting debate and it kills it stone dead. Much more interesting to hear what individuals think in that context of a meal.

@MartinChuzzlewit exactly! Seems controlling some of the things being said on this post.

Well my kids are still young enough that I’d like to know if there is an emergency.

My DD’s name came up as a call (she walks home from school so has her own phone, she’s 10) there was no way I wasn’t answering that. If she’d asked me to come home (she didn’t) I’d have obviously said no but there’s no way I’m ignoring a distressed call from my DD.

I agree. I hate to see kids with screens in restaurants (with exceptions for some, blah blah).

I agree in principle. I never wanted screens at the dinner table, out or at home. Sadly its the only thing that makes my son with autism eat his food. Obviously when we are out in restaurants people don't know he has autism so we do get a lot of disapproving and sometimes outright filthy looks from people which makes me very sad that people mostly do just judge from the offset. I guess what I'm saying is sometimes it's hard to know if a child usss the screen for a genuine need or not!

This is a good point.

My kids rarely have screens in restaurants, unless they’re seriously bored or we are on holiday and it’s the 7th meal that week, but when they do we can also use it to play together. They have noughts and crossed apps (DS ages 6) and DD (10) has a chess app I play with her. Which is great as I wouldn’t bring a chess board to a restaurant 🤣

Personally I would put that in the first category. If an emergency has come up regarding your child then of course I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I wouldn’t expect it to be happening every time though.

For me “what if I just need to reply to a quick text” implies people regularly checking their phone through the meal to see if something more interesting is happening elsewhere … which I find rude.

yes they are rude,
but they are ok if you want to look somethign up as part of the conversation, you want to take a photo

Well you could offer to entertain the child instead of moaning they've been given an ipad

Playing devil’s advocate - what if it was their OH texting to ask “Where are son’s pyjamas?”. Would you mind them replying, just so the PJs are found with as little faff as possible (yes there’s a separate conversation about the incompetence of men but that’s another issue entirely)?

Ok I've never been in that scenario as my kids wouldn't call me when I'm out and when they are with a perfectly capable parent at home. I'd have had my phone in my bag, so wouldn't have even been aware of a call! Perhaps I'm' too lax in my parenting!

For me “what if I just need to reply to a quick text” implies people regularly checking their phone through the meal to see if something more interesting is happening elsewhere … which I find rude.

Really?

I need this a little needy and insecure TBH. Which is probably why I don’t mind people going on phones when they’re eating out with me. I’d never have thought “wow they don’t care about me something better is on that phone”. But I’m really not insecure!

@ploymus

If by "offer to entertain" you mean include the children at my table in the conversation, than yes I do.

Mind your own business. It doesn't affect you.

Im sure the time will come when your kids will want their mum because they’re upset. And that may be when youre with someone else.

Mine are still young and TBH if it’s just their dad looking after them I think “what if something happened to HIM. What if he had an accident or heart attack”. Insanely unlikely of course, but given it is possible and a child would call me/999&me I don’t think having a phone next to your cutlery is quite the irrational and rude move people think it is.