To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

[madamreign]

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate.

We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants.

Am I just being old fashioned?

My MIL is the one that does this. We sit down to the meal, she then pulls out her ipad and starts playing angry birds- with the sound on! If we try to have a conversation, she will reply with a mouthful of food and spits it everywhere.

Her house, so her rules, but I personally think its a terrible example for my nieces/nephews if there are there also, and plain rude to us.

You don't mind being ignored in favour of a screen?

I do.

We had a graduate recruitment day a while ago, which included lunch. Staring at screens during that lunch did not make a good impression.

I suspect they had learned that habit from childhood.

I think there is quite a big variability with this and, imo, it's not ruse unless one or more of your specific group thinks it's rude.

e.g. pp saying 'I don’t even like the TV on in the kitchen when we eat!' suggests to me they see this as the lesser evil between phones at the table or TV while you eat.

In this house, it would be the greater evil. We'd never have TV on - unless there was something especially big happening, such as some of the early PM broadcasts during the pandemic. Phones tend not to be at the table either, but this is definately the lesser 'crime' for us.

As I say, big variability often specific to the people you are eating with

Yes, unless it's an emergency I think it's rude.

My phone's in my bag if I visit friends or at a restaurant, and my friends are the same. Of course, if it's relevant to the conversation and we are looking something up, like a school event etc, then a quick look is ok, otherwise it's rude.

My mother keeps her phone at the table next to her during meal times, and texts and messages people and even takes calls during meals, so I stopped inviting her over. I can't abide it and it just shows her lack of regard for me and how low down in her priorities I am....sorry a bit of vent there!

I think the OP is referring to people doing stuff on a screen rather than engaging in conversation or eating without looking at a screen.
Personally I would only use a phone to look something up to settle an argument/get back-up info. Calls and texts can wait an hour. It's only polite.

YANBU. Kids, even young ones should be able to sit through a meal, and be included.
We’re no screens at a table - at home and out and about.

I also think that it’s totally bonkers to frown upon an adult using their phone at a meal. I went out for a meal with a friend on Friday, DD called me as she was upset about something her friend had done. It wasn’t an emergency but she wanted to have a cry to me. Too right I answered. That’s my daughter. Took 10 minutes out my evening. Thankfully my friend isn’t an uptight weirdo and totally understood these things happen.

I agree in some scenarios OP, my SS (9) has started to want his ipad when eating food with us at the table (I think his mother allows this) and me and DP think it's rude and frankly annoying. So the rules in our house are conversation only at the dining table.
However, I do understand there may be scenarios when eating out with young children where its perfectly acceptable.

I think it completely depends on the context doesn't it. If your child is crying on the phone to you of course you'd want to spend time talking to them. You weren't mindlessly scrolling through your phone or answering non-emergency messages were you,

It depends. The majority of the time we eat without screens as that’s my preference. Yesterday DH had his iPad at the table because he wanted to watch the rugby. I’ve also had times where something I want to watch is on at the time we’re eating, so have done the same. I mind phones more as they are more engaging and distracting.

I have no opinion on what anyone else does at a restaurant or pub I’m in, as long as whatever screen being used is muted. It doesn’t impact on me so I don’t care.

We don’t have screens at dinner usually, we don’t have a blanket rule though. What are your thoughts on a child reading a book at the table in a restaurant?

I think it's rude to text people or answer a call at the dinner table. At the dinner table it would be nice if the people there could communicate with each other rather than with other randoms who aren't even there.
As for answering a call - I really don't know why you would need to take a call during dinner (which lasts an hour at most). Whatever it is can wait.
Looking at the internet for something that is part of discussion - maybe - as long as it doesn't involve the person disappearing down a wormhole and ignoring everyone else which is what tends to happen or showing a fucking video that's supposedly hilarious and isn't

OP, YANBU.

I wonder what everyone did before screens...

Yeah this is what I meant, but the OP replied to this message saying no emergencies only.

If they can read, surely they can make conversation.

I agree, it’s rude for the vast majority of cases. Some of the ones listed on here I wouldn’t have a problem with (huge delay with very small children, child with significant SEN, needing to check unexpected change in travel arrangements).

But for those saying “what if I just need to reply to a quick text” - well I think that is really sad. It shows that your attention is elsewhere and you can’t really be bothered with the person you are with (or a shockingly poor attention span).

It wasn’t an emergency though she was overly upset an out something daft and she was with her dad but wanted me. I often go out with friends and we all have our phones out (probably because we all have young children) and we all pick them up to check messages now and again. No one gets upset. I don’t think I could be friends with someone who gets uppity about this.

YANBU at all - we’ve always had a no screens at the table rule for DD5, both at home and when eating out. She would never now expect to use a screen for entertainment while eating as this has never been normalised - we chat about our days, tell jokes and stories, and she sometimes does colouring or an activity book if we have to wait a while for food.

Screen usage while eating seems to be a specifically British/Anglophone world phenomenon- the contrast we’ve noticed between hotels and restaurants in the U.K., where often almost every child has been plugged into a device, and those in Europe, where hardly anyone is, has been really quite stark. I think it’s partly down to some really quite deep-seated psychology around ‘food as fuel’ here in the U.K. vs. food as a social ritual elsewhere.

@Cockmigrant

As for answering a call - I really don't know why you would need to take a call during dinner (which lasts an hour at most). Whatever it is can wait.

You can’t think of any situations whereby someone might need to answer a call? What about the parent of a baby or someone who is a carer for an elderly parent seeing a call come through?

Can't get worked up about it tbh!

I also wish meals our only did last an hour - last few times I’ve been out it took at least 20 minutes on all occasions just to have our order taken and another 30 for food to arrive!

I couldn’t have managed at the two hour special lunches out my DParents did when I was 8 or 9. So I read for the second half of their meal. I don’t really see the difference and I’m certainly not at the table watching my phone or reading if I have company now!

I was in an all-inclusive resort in the summer. Lots of families of different nationalities. Lots of screens at dinner, from people of all different nationalities. I'd told my children no screens were allowed in the restaurant so they really enjoyed pointing out when others had them.

So kids can’t read books either?

Conversations with adults can be boring for kids. What’s wrong with reading a book!

Really?

What if it regarded their child and an answer was needed ASAP? I think a decent friend would understand that these things happen