To think that screens at the dining table is rude?

[madamreign]

Obviously excepting those with additional needs who use them to regulate.

We don't allow screens at the dinner table, for adults or children, at home or in restaurants.

Am I just being old fashioned?

Honestly I don’t care what other people think if I want to let my DC watch something at a table with headphones so I can enjoy my food. I’ve spent years entertaining them throughout meals out but now we can rarely afford a meal out and I always start with colouring/stories/games but by pudding they’re bored and maybe I want to hold a conversation with the other people I’m there with so if the screen lets me do that then I’ve made peace with the judgement of others

I recently asked my mum how she managed with me and my sister, and she said 'we never ate out, unless it was Macdonalds. We didn't go to restaurants until you were 8/10'. I guess that's what we've started doing too!

That's what both my parents and PILs said about eating out with small children. They just didn't really do it!

"So if you wanted to text someone, answer a call, look at something on the Internet that is part of your current discussion, none of that is allowed?"
If you were waiting for an urgent call or message then yes, with apologies. Otherwise it can wait. Looking something up? Possibly depending on circumstances.

A child or adult are your table does it to you it is rude and?

OK they are rude so what? Does it make you feel better to think they are rude and you are not? You could also be doing something in your life that others think is rude?

It's just bad manners...

Same for us. If an adult is waiting for an important call (work, doctor etc) they would get up and excuse themselves when they heard the phone ring from the other room.
As to what do we do without them, we talk to each other. If someone is unsure of a fact what do you think happened twenty years ago? You'd discuss the various possibilities, if it really needs fact checking it can be done after dinner.
DS is 5 this year and doesn't have a tablet and has never watched our phones in any context. Including the oft touted long car journeys, flights, restaurants. He's also not an easy dream child, (eldest niece is...) so I'm not coming from a place of never having an energetic child to deal with.
DH and I went out for dinner recently without DS and so many other couples were essentially eating at the same time but not together, on phones rather than actually engaging with each other, I do think it's rude.

My parents watch the telly in the sitting room when having tea 🤷‍♀️ see no issue

Agree with you. It’s time to have human interactions and discussions not look at a screen.

I went out with an adult yesterday and it's just occurred to me that during fours hours of drinks, apart from when the other was in the loo, neither of us looked at our phone. At all. Which is unusual, I think?

I used to be part of the no-screens brigade. I've changed my tune - just occasionally I want to be able to enjoy a meal out. We went for a pub lunch with friends yesterday, I brought storybooks, colouring, tic-tac-toe, where's Wally, a dot-to-dot book, toy cars and unicorns, the works. It kept the kids distracted for a while, but only if I also coloured, or read the story to them, or played unicorns. Service was really slow. After an hour, I produced my phone and let the three year old watch Bluey with headphones on so I could actually talk to my friends.

I love my kids, but sometimes I want to be allowed to enjoy myself too, especially when I'm paying ££ for it!

"I wonder what time the last train home is, sorry I can't check right now so we can make further plans about what we will fit in between now and then because checking trains isn't classed as an emergency, I'll have to check in a hour after we've eaten because we're not allowed to check phones".

It just doesn't make sense in some scenarios that's all I'm saying. There would be literally no harm in checking a train time so you can chat over dinner about what you want to fit in next before your last train home.

I give my 16mo a screen in a restaurant precisely so that we are not rude and disturb other diners if he kicks off. Maybe we shouldn't take him to restaurants yet but we enjoy them and they have to start learning somewhere. I agree with PP that it's not really our first resort, we talk, we play, we bring books, he's just started to do colouring in and stickers. But if he's bored and finished his food and we are still eating, a low level 20 mins of miss rachel is not rude to anyone.

He won't be a toddler forever, and he'll learn as he grows. Bit ridiculous to suggest that making accommodations for babies/young kids means we get adults who can't function. I've not yet gone out for dinner with a friend who needed a scoop bib to avoid making a mess on the floor, but that's an accommodation I still make for my toddler. Is that also rude?

As part of a current discussion, yes, somebody might get up and retrieve a device sitting elsewhere, after which it's shut off again. But we're a but of a nerdy family. Before smartphones we'd get up and cone back with the relevant encyclopedia volume. Doesn't mean we'd habitually dine surrounded by books on rhe table.

If with adults I totally agree.

Totally agree with you, that's what I'm saying but OP is saying no, emergencies only.

We used them in restaurants when the kids were younger but have slowly been phasing them out. Having said that my 10 year old has ASD and can't really sit and chat for an hour or more so he's started taking a book with him or small lego figures. My 7 year old needs entertainment so we tend to take cards, colouring or something like Yahtzee.

At home absolutely no toys, books or screens but my 10 year old can't sit beyond what it takes for him to eat so meal times for the whole family can often by over in 5 minutes (he's a fast eater). The rest of us sit and eat / chat for longer but he just can't do it

Honestly it doesn’t bother me what other people do. As long as their kids are quiet.

Mine, I don’t tend to give them tablets or my phone at mealtimes. Perhaps if my 2yo is particularly tired and hungry and no amount of playing or chatting will help and the food is taking ages then I’ll pop peppa pig on my phone just to spare the rest of the paying customers the noise she would make as I can’t let her run around when waiters are carrying hot food. I try not to let her be at this stage but it has happened a couple of times.

You can’t win with this one. If you have a small child and they’re playing peekaboo, round and round the garden etc, then that’s going to create a certain level of noise, which would then have people complaining. Or even better a thread on here about performance parenting.

I genuinely don’t care what people on other tables do when they’re out with children.
mine sometimes chat for the whole meal, they sometimes colour or play with toys for part of it if it’s long, and sometimes they have a silent screen when it’s a long meal. They all know how to behave and that’s all that matters to me.

We could never afford to eat out when my children were small.

YABU but I do appreciate some people need pointless arbitrary things to feel aggrieved about so you do you

We don't use them at home (either at the table or elsewhere) but I let them use them when we're out (with headphones) for the sake of other diners. Sometimes they'll be entertained with colouring, chatting, table games, and sometimes they won't. We don't go out often and I'm certainly not leaving my meal to 'march them home' when they could sit quietly if they had a bit of iPad time.

We used to be more reluctant but where I live you barely see a child in a restaurant who doesn't have a screen of some kind.

Screens at the table, screens when you've arranged to meet someone, screens during a conversation are all extremely rude. Nothing says I don't want to be here like picking up the zombie box. I've stopped bothering with friends who've pulled out their phone when we were chatting. Obviously they're not that fussed about my company.

That's my view.

Completely unnecessary, surely people can last half an hour without their phone / tablet??

I hate screens at the table, my kids aren’t allowed them , I hate seeing babies and toddlers with propped up phones! It’s just laziness! No dependency like this is good!

I don’t even like the TV on in the kitchen when we eat!

I really don’t care if someone kid using a tablet at home at the dinner tableZ

In a restaurant all I ask is that the volume is turned down or headphones are used.