Why does a bad meal out turn me in to a d**k?!

[kennycat]

We went out for lunch with the children and it was husband's secret choice. He's a big meat eater and I'm not and I have an ED so it's always tricky anyway. As always I had a minor nervous breakdown actually deciding what I wanted as I weigh up price/calories/likelihood of vegetables etc etc and decided on a 'red pepper and harissa chicken burger'. with a baked potato rather than fries. Menu said it came with tomato, lettuce and fried red onions. It did not. I asked where they were and the waitress traipsed back from kitchen saying that it had changed since the menu was written to which I said 'you can't do that!'. The children shared a big old beef burger which had cheese in, pickles, burnt ends and whatnot and was only £1 more than my disappointing affair.
I went and spoke to the chap in charge and said how utterly shite it was and got something taken off the bill. He also told me that it was the 'beef burgers' that came with the salad items and not the chicken burger. How silly I thought!

I did this away from the table to try and not be a dick in front of family but it pretty much ruined the steak experience for my husband and he's said we aren't going out for dinner again because this happens a lot.
I'm cross with myself because I spoiled his day.
However, I absolutely cannot stand crap food when paying a small fortune for it. I just can't suck it up like he seems to be able to.
Talk me down- I can't stop beating myself up about this. How dare I behave like this?? How should I have dealt with my rubbish meal?

Not gonna lie, I rarely, if ever, have raised a complaint in a restaurant about mediocre food. Unless there is a major issue - item missing off the plate, caterpillar in the salad, dirty cutlery - I’m not sure I would. If I find a meal underwhelming or worse, I just don’t go back.

If the meal you had was not as stated then you had every right to complain. Good for you and I would have done the same.

Would a quid off for missing veggies make you feel better?

Yanbu to be disappointed and mention it in a review but like a pp I vote with my wallet and don't return if the food is mediocre.

I want to say YANBU - the menu is misleading and I agree with standing up for yourself in situations like this. However, the fact your husband says “this happens a lot” suggests that you are a serial complainer. Perhaps you weren’t wrong on this particular occasion but have there been times where you have made a fuss over something small? If so, I can understand his frustration at your behaviour more generally.

YABU in thinking there was anything wrong in the way you dealt with this. The only dick in this scenario was your husband. He's taken you to a restaurant which he knows suits his needs but not yours - when your choice came with half the items missing, he should have supported you.

I would assume that the stated feta, rocket and onion replaced the standard lettuce and tomato. Did it not come with those items instead?

Do you think your behaviour is closely linked to your ED? I wouldn’t want to go out with someone who was likely to flip out over a minor menu change (allergies notwithstanding)

I have worked in a wide range of eateries, from pubs to high end. I cannot eat a thing once someone in my party has complained badly or unnecessarily as I know what could well happen to dishes our group has ordered.

Are you well enough to eat out? 💐

As someone with an ED I would be happy I had less calories but you didn't act bad you simply stated your issue away from the table.

Eating is a difficult time and when you lose control or out of your comfort zone it's hard, honestly I don't think you done anything wrong.

Well… in this case OP thinks there was something missing off the plate, that’s why she complained.

@kennycat did it come with feta, roasted red onions and fresh rocket? The menu says the burgers come with lettuce, fried onions and tomato on ‘unless stated otherwise’. It’s not very clearly written but is the feta and rocket meant to replace the lettuce etc?

I don't think you were wrong to complain on this occasion, but is your husband right that you always pick faults when you go out for meals?

the smear of feta and single leaf of rocket is by no means an adequate substitute for a good hefty slice of tomato and lettuce but perhaps that was what the intention was on their side.
And don't get me started on the 'baked potato' which had clearly been microwaved and was verging on uncooked. I shan't be recommending it to anyone!

It looks to me as though that burger just comes with the red onion, rocket and feta.
I don’t think the order was wrong but it doesn’t sound like the staff understood the menu.
not very clear but generally you wouldn’t ordinarily get regular lettuce served with rocket.

@kennycat you say yourself that eating out leads you to “a nervous breakdown “ which is totally understandable given your ED.

You can’t blame your family for not wanting to go out to eat with you though. Try not to take it to heart.

Are you receiving ongoing treatment?

Since covid my favourite restaurants have all gone distinctly down hill. The food isn’t as generous or even as nice. The service is iffy. We still eat out because we want to support these local businesses but I can and do make better meals myself.

I also don’t really like going to cafes - my drink is never quite right. I’ve had scalded cappuccinos lately which probably come back to staffing issues. It’s too noisy, there’s either someone making dust clouds with a broom or the place is a bit manky. But my friends like meeting in them so I accept the crap bits for the pleasure of their company.,

What I’m getting at is that sometimes it helps to adjust your expectations. When you eat out, anticipate that it’s going to be expensive and substandard and make your peace with that. And just go and have a nice time chatting with your family.

Yea it should be better but it isn’t.

That menu absolutely does not say that the chicken burger comes with lettuce, tomato and red onion. It very clearly states that the chicken burger comes with feta, red onions and rocket.

You went and said that was “utter shite” that seems quite a strong reaction and considering what your husband said about this happening a lot, I rather suspect that it is you that needs to moderate your behaviour when you are out.

Reading the menu I would have presumed the feta etc replaced the tomato and lettuce. I wouldn’t think it would come with lettuce and tomato. Sounds like you complain a lot so I can see why your husband is annoyed at the situation.

Eating out isn’t just about the food - it’s about spending enjoyable time with your friends and family and not having to do the dishes. I can cook better than most restaurant meals, but I’d always rather go out and be waited on and chill over a bottle of wine. Next time, let your DC and husband go without you if you find it so stressful.

Yes I agree with this. I’ve a friend who also has an ED and complains EVERY time she goes out for food and I do think the behaviour is linked. I just no longer go out to eat with her as it is exhausting

Well I applaud you OP for owning your own excessive reactions and recognising your “dick” behaviour. That can’t be easy.

However, it can’t be easy for your family and friends either. I stopped going out for food with a friend who always made complaints about minor issues just to try to get money off. I didn’t want the staffs sputum/piss/dirt from the floor in my food.

Can you do other things to celebrate with DH if your eating disorder makes you behave like that?

it doesn't say that it comes with tomato, fried onions or lettuce. how did you comprehend that from the menu?

The menu actually does say that the chicken burger comes with feta and rocket.
You’re not wrong to be a bit miffed that it was disappointing but I would have found your behaviour a bit of an overreaction and it would have made me feel uncomfortable.
Places can change their menu from what is stated. What If they don’t have the ingredients? It’s ok for them to swap them. This seems to have been a minor disagreement about what the Menu actually was. I think your anxiety has caused you to overreact.
Have you tried choosing your food from the menu before you go? Pick a couple of options so you’re less stressed. Most places have online menus now.

Yabu

My Mum complains about food it waiting time for food all the time. It’s really irritating that she can’t just relax and enjoy the company.

If I find food mediocre or bad I don’t go back. I would only complain if the problem rendered it inedible.

I understand how difficult living with an ED is, but one type of crap salad is he sane as the next. The menu is very misleading, but the top bit talks about beefburgers specifically and the chicken burger has its own sides mentioned.
I think you were wrong to make a fuss about it.

Yes, you were a dick and clearly read the menu wrong.