Why does a bad meal out turn me in to a d**k?!

[kennycat]

We went out for lunch with the children and it was husband's secret choice. He's a big meat eater and I'm not and I have an ED so it's always tricky anyway. As always I had a minor nervous breakdown actually deciding what I wanted as I weigh up price/calories/likelihood of vegetables etc etc and decided on a 'red pepper and harissa chicken burger'. with a baked potato rather than fries. Menu said it came with tomato, lettuce and fried red onions. It did not. I asked where they were and the waitress traipsed back from kitchen saying that it had changed since the menu was written to which I said 'you can't do that!'. The children shared a big old beef burger which had cheese in, pickles, burnt ends and whatnot and was only £1 more than my disappointing affair.
I went and spoke to the chap in charge and said how utterly shite it was and got something taken off the bill. He also told me that it was the 'beef burgers' that came with the salad items and not the chicken burger. How silly I thought!

I did this away from the table to try and not be a dick in front of family but it pretty much ruined the steak experience for my husband and he's said we aren't going out for dinner again because this happens a lot.
I'm cross with myself because I spoiled his day.
However, I absolutely cannot stand crap food when paying a small fortune for it. I just can't suck it up like he seems to be able to.
Talk me down- I can't stop beating myself up about this. How dare I behave like this?? How should I have dealt with my rubbish meal?

I think you misread which burgers come with the extra but I also can't believe how much you paid for a meal in a Beefeater

@kennycat
My policy is never to complain about food that I expect to be changed or fixed. My practice is never to eat anything from a kitchen after I have made a complaint.I will simply not go back to a restaurant after having a bad or unpleasant experience.

Based upon your husband's response and the mental process that you go through in choosing a meal, I imagine that going out to eat with you might be taxing for your family.

If I were your family, I would rather eat at home or order take away rather than going out to dinner with you..

I was going to suggest the same thing.

This. Your dh said you do this so often it is a stressful experience he doesn't want to have again.

You started before you food arrived, before you even ordered it. The ruining the meal had far less to do with the actual food, but how you react to eating out.

let them go without you.

What's an ED?

Hmm, menus with calories etc was a dream come true for me when suffering with an eating disorder. I wouldn’t encourage someone with an ED to seek out places with them personally - in my experience, they already do that enough as it is.

I have a relative with an ED.

We haven't had a meal out with her for years. I know it's not her fault but she really does ruin every occasion. There was a family wedding recently and I secretly asked the bride not to sit me on her table.

I think second line of the menu they need to put the word 'beef' in front of 'burger' to make it clear.

I think you are right to complain about the stingy feta slice and baked potato though for £16.50 but if they are going to put feta with chicken burger you gotta question if they know what they are doing.

I can't remember the last time I went out and didn't complain to be honest, something is always wrong with someone's meal.

yanbu. Those missing items will have made a big difference to overall taste of your meal

some restaurants are so crap these days - they deserve to go out of business

For you, food is a source of conflict, not pleasure. Stay home, let your family enjoy themselves.

They weren't missing!

we booked into a pub lunch today, nice veggie beetroot wellington on the menu with all the trimmings.

When we got there, the menu is actually slightly different - all the meat dishes unchanged but the veggie now a mushroom wellington and they removed parsnips from the trimmings.

one can't complain as the menu we were presented with was what we got - but removing parsnips from the "all the trimmings" section felt a bit sneaky and i wouldn't have gone if it said mushroom beforehand.

One to vote with our feet and not return. (partners food also served stone cold, so had to be replaced so he ate his 10 mins after i had mine but just a "sorry" and no offer of another drink or a pudding.

But Op, you're wrong. The beef burgers come with lettuce, tomato and fried onion unless stated otherwise. The chicken harisa burger comes with feta, rocket and fried red onion. It's there in black and white. You might not be too happy with quantities, but honestly was it worth ruining the meal for?
It sounds as if going out to eat with you isn't a particularly fun experience to be honest. Yes, it's right to complain if food is wrong, but it sounds as if every meal is a bit stressful.

@EddieMunson stop trying to be all patronising. One just looks twattish. It actually says , 'with fries on the side unless otherwise stated' which suggests the fries are the things that bay it may not accompany the meal.

Wagamama do a menu without the calories- I always ask for that for the table when we go out. I meant the ingredients counted out a la mcdonalds identikit meals way but yes I see your point

Eating disorder

Agree that you misread the menu and made yourself look an arse. That said, I don’t think it would be usual for anyone to kick up quite so much of a fuss over a missing slice of tomato and leaf of lettuce, so your reaction must be ED related.

All restaurants now have to include the calories on their menu. It's made eating out with anorexics really awful.

Look, I have a lot of food issues. It’s a mess, IBS, ED, Emetophobia and two severe HG pregnancies in close concession left me at a BMI of 17. I HATE eating out. We have two toddlers and our eldest is non verbal ASD which makes it STRESSFUL! There’s shrieking, food flying around, lots of me apologising to other dinners.
I sympathise entirely, you barely get chance to read the menu. Staff are so often under trained and just don’t have a clue (I have allergies - properly blood tested ones) and you’re just expected to shrug your shoulders and be like ‘yeah cool I’ll just take whatever’.

Im married to the most chilled out illness/food guy ever. He’s a doctor, he travelled around India for months just eating the local cuisine. It just does not bother him he’s super practical… we are total opposites but he tends to make comments to be like your DH did. ‘This happens a lot’ and ultimately it feels like a critique. Like he’s pointing the finger like ‘you’ve ruined this’, ‘you keep doing this’ and it made me really REALLY cross!

Here’s the thing. My DH doesn’t like shopping, shopping centres…etc they stress him out… SO HE DOESN'T GO 🤷‍♀️
He won’t even voluntarily go to the M&S or Next kinda shops not even to buy gifts. Nope.

So the last time he insisted we eat out and made a ‘here we go’ style comment I just raged ‘Why do you get to opt out on the things you don’t like, the things stress you out, but I keep being forced into this? THIS is like me forcing you into a massive shopping centre on a Saturday afternoon and then complaining that you weren’t acting great! FFS you know I hate eating out! How about you do all the Christmas shopping with me this year and see how you feel about being in an hour long queue with screaming kids in packed shops for days on end’

He hasn’t made me eat out since 😬

It's not going to come with fried red onions AND roasted red onions. It's obvious.

Go to wagamamas - they do one without the calories if u ask for it

From what your husband says, you seem to do this a lot. Bottom line, if my dh did this regularly, I wouldnt visit restaurants with him again. Cant you reign in it? It sounds like it happens all the time.

It's not there in black and white! It says the burgers come with it so you could interrupt the chicken burger does too. It's not clear.

YANBU! I've started going out much less often but to much nicer (read: more expensive) places. Spending on a bad restaurant feels like such a waste.