Why does a bad meal out turn me in to a d**k?!

[kennycat]

We went out for lunch with the children and it was husband's secret choice. He's a big meat eater and I'm not and I have an ED so it's always tricky anyway. As always I had a minor nervous breakdown actually deciding what I wanted as I weigh up price/calories/likelihood of vegetables etc etc and decided on a 'red pepper and harissa chicken burger'. with a baked potato rather than fries. Menu said it came with tomato, lettuce and fried red onions. It did not. I asked where they were and the waitress traipsed back from kitchen saying that it had changed since the menu was written to which I said 'you can't do that!'. The children shared a big old beef burger which had cheese in, pickles, burnt ends and whatnot and was only £1 more than my disappointing affair.
I went and spoke to the chap in charge and said how utterly shite it was and got something taken off the bill. He also told me that it was the 'beef burgers' that came with the salad items and not the chicken burger. How silly I thought!

I did this away from the table to try and not be a dick in front of family but it pretty much ruined the steak experience for my husband and he's said we aren't going out for dinner again because this happens a lot.
I'm cross with myself because I spoiled his day.
However, I absolutely cannot stand crap food when paying a small fortune for it. I just can't suck it up like he seems to be able to.
Talk me down- I can't stop beating myself up about this. How dare I behave like this?? How should I have dealt with my rubbish meal?

I don't understand how people are misinterpreting the menu.

It says "our burgers come in a brioche bun with lettuce, tomato, and fried red onion, with fries on the side, unless otherwise stated."

The "otherwise stated" part would apply to any of the description, but particularly to the "lettuce, tomato and fried red onion" because the fries part is a separate clause.

Even if that bit wasn't clear - the chicken burger comes with "Feta, roasted red onions, and rocket." Isn't it plainly obvious that you're not going to have roasted red onions AND fried red onions? And you wouldn't have lettuce AND rocket....

It's very clearly an either/or situation and I can't see anything at all confusing about it.

It's like saying "our burgers come with ketchup, with fries on the side, unless otherwise stated" and then reading "the chicken burger comes with mayonnaise", - and then demanding to know where your ketchup is when the burger arrives!

It's fine to not read the description properly and misunderstand - we've all done that at one time or another! - but to continue insisting that the menu is wrong is just ridiculous.

The menu says that it comes with lettuce and tomato unless otherwise stated and next to the chicken burger it says feta and rocket...... so otherwise stated.

Do they offer baked potatoes on the menu? Or did you ask for one off menu and then expect an oven baked one? Because it takes quite a while to bake a potato in the oven, so unless they're offered on the menu as standard, common sense dictates that it'd be microwaved. If it was hard in the middle then that's an issue that should be raised.

Having an ED can't be easy especially when navigating eating out, but as your husband says this happens all the time, it seems like you're taking it out on the restaurants you visit and worse, your family are also having to deal with it.

I mean this as kindly as possible, but this is your issue and not the responsibility of the restaurant to deal with, from what you've said, you got what you ordered, as stated on the menu, but because you're unhappy around food, regardless of that you complained anyway and got a reduction on your meal - it doesn't always mean you're right if you get a discount, it can mean the restaurant is trying to avoid a scene (which other customers are going to then complain to the restaurant about) and a trashing online with a review.
The same goes for sympathising with you, even in a clear case where a customer is being unreasonable, telling them so is just not done in most circumstances because it's seen as rude and poor customer service, and doesn't resolve the situation, it escalates it.
Listening and sympathising is one of the keys to good service, even if the customer is plainly being unreasonable - and that's what you got here, as well as getting what you ordered.

You misunderstood the menu, it happens, and you were compensated for that, even though the restaurant as far as I can see, didn't do anything wrong here (except maybe the hard jacket potato).

Please get help for your ED OP, I know it is scary but it really will change your life for the better. Take it from someone who knows, take a leap of faith.

Gently, OP, this…

Menu says “served with xyz”. Food is then served without xyz. You are completely entitled to complain! That doesn’t make you a dick, in any way.

That's not what the menu says. She received exactly what the menu said she would receive.

It doesn’t say that,how is the reading comprehension so low. It says comes with x y z unless stated other wise and it then states otherwise , comes with feta and rocket.

im really surprised how many folks can’t understand it.

I think the restaurant was just crap for not providing you with those things. I don't eat anywhere with brioche buns as I think they're pretentious and horribly sweet. It's really hard with a ED to find something on a menu you want to eat. I'd probably have gone bun-less if faced with those crazy choices! How can a burger and fries be an entire daily calorie intake?!

I think you're like me in that when you eat out you have high standards because you want value for money and the calories you're consuming. If you're going to eat your daily intake in one sitting, you just don't want the food to not be worth the calories.

One thing I do is look at menus online and ring restaurants to check on anything I'm not sure of. Some places only do fries and no JPs anymore. Some only do dressed salads. Or those horrible brioche buns. Maybe ask if you can know where you're going in advance so you know what you're going to order before you get there.

I really struggle to understand your self-absorbed, irrelevant rant.

The menu says brioche bun. The menu specifies above that not all burgers will have those particular veggies, and then specifies the substitute veggies below. The menu lists the calories. What exactly would you complain about to the manager? I hate mushrooms but I don't go to a mushroom restaurant and complain they're offending my "high standards" by serving mushrooms.

The menu is clear OP and you unfortunately misread/misinterpreted it.

The meal itself, particularly the garnish and side, obviously disappointing, however.

Very expensive too, I don’t know why they couldn’t have given you a bit of lettuce and tomato garnish.

Not a wise decision to go out for food in the first place, however setting you up to fail, given your ED and past experiences in restaurants. I think your DH needs to take some accountability here too and take your ED seriously.

Especially to go somewhere you don’t know to be reliably good, both for food quality and customer service. Add in such a limited, meat oriented menu, which is not your preference. It was pretty much bound for disaster.

It would perhaps be better to go out to the cinema or anywhere less specifically food focussed? Or order take away food, where you might be a bit more relaxed in your own home?

The OP’s choice was 780kcal, so considerably less than half of the recommended daily calorie intake for an adult woman.

Even the highest-calorie offerings are only slightly about half of your daily intake.

No you are not being unreasonable at all. Why should you pay for a meal if it wasn’t what you asked for / was advertised. I always complain if my food isn’t right. If you bought a top from a shop and noticed it had a hole in it when you got home, you would take it back. Not sure why food should be any different.

Please consider getting some help for your eating disorder. I was exactly the same as you - exactly. I could have written this post. I LOVE, LOVE food too but I also used it as a weapon against myself. That level of control is incredibly difficult to live with and can have serious long term impacts on your body and mental health.

I also think it would be worthwhile educating your DH about EDs. He does not sound like a Saint. Eyerolling is not helpful and he clearly has no understanding about the mental torment of this illness. I know that EDs are also incredibly stressful to those around you, but they are an illness, and eyerolling shows a real lack of understanding for how detrimental they can be.

I have been where you are. Please consider getting help again. I still find eating out stressful, but i have found ways to manage it. You don't have to live with this.

What, you think the staff might concoct a reason to take OP’s husband’s or child’s meal back to the kitchen, spit in it and bring it out again? They clearly all had their food when OP complained.

I can see why you read the menu that way, OP. It's not super clear unless you really stop and think about it. Also I don't understand why the staff didn't just give you some burger salad when you asked. To me that's just customer service and it's not like you are trying to scam something expensive.

Yes absolutely this, how was this not clear?

It's super clear. Why on earth would the burger come with two types of red onion

When you go back and read, sure. There are two types of v similar red onion. But when you just read the header you could easily assume you get lettuce and tomato.

This is about more than a single incident. It seems you do this all the time. My husband’s the same - ruins every meal out to the point where my three year old (my THREE year old) now only wants to go out for dinner with Mummy & gets very upset when DH comes. You absolutely need to take control over your ED or make a collective decision that you will only go out with them for specific occasions (where you can do your menu related research in advance) - but encourage them to go out together as often as they like. They shouldn’t have to suffer through your issues.

But most people would not be crushed upon realising their mistake as it’s a slice of lettuce and a slice of tomato.

The uncontrolled ED is causing the issue. It’s a panic at the lack of ‘healthy food’ that they assumed was coming after the OP had a ‘nervous breakdown’ over the stress of ordering.

None of this is healthy, least not for the children who see all of this.

@JuliusWho Well... 1180 calories is pretty much MY daily intake of calories. It's based on what my Fitbit says I burn each day so actually if I'm trying to lose weight I usually need to only eat 1000 calories to lose weight at about a lb a week. Some people are just small. If you're factoring in an ED as well, that's a huge number of calories to be faced with from one plate. The chicken burger was about the only option which is why OP chose it. But it's also still pretty high in calories.

In that situation I would double check the menu, realise my mistake (or have it pointed out by the staff) and not try to scam a free salad out of them!

Of course most restaurant food is overpriced shit but the menu says what it says. I value my personal dignity. I am neither a beggar nor scammer.

I will of course ask for a refund if the food or service is genuinely unacceptable.

You seem like you get worked up over the menu offerings before you even get to the restaurant.
You were a bit rude too ,telling the manager it was 'shite'
Your DH and kids would have a more enjoyable time going out without you.
You sound a nightmare

It’s not something I’d complain about and tbh it would ruin my evenjng if the person I was eating with kicked off and demanding money off over something like this.

They might have ordered desserts…