To think that disabled people are hated?

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

Yes, I know that it was apparently very uplifting when I was planning a party for my disabled DS and his classmates from special school. When I was putting in all the hard work by myself to make it happen it was admirable and my DS and his friends were adorable.

But there have been so many threads here complaining about the way disabled children use up resources- in school, in clubs, in sports. So much hatred for the fact that disability is sometimes, inadequately, accommodated. So much blame and disdain for parents of disabled kids. So much anger at the unfairness and injustice(!) being suffered by the ‘normal’ kids, the functioning kids, the able kids when they are forced to encounter a disabled peer.

AIBU to think that this is people showing their true colours; that in fact the world is as full of hatred for disabled people as I’ve always feared?

Can I ask, as I'm feeling quite cross about the attitude I've had from two posters on my own thread about my disabled son -

From me stating that my son:

a) "has a physical disability"
b) "has found the other students [on his university course]... frankly not very kind and understanding of his physical disability. No overt disability discrimination, but things like the people on his course he sat with in lectures getting into study groups and choosing places to meet that he found physically difficult to access.encountered a overt disability discrimination, but things like the people on his course he sat with in lectures getting into study groups and choosing places to meet that he found physically difficult to access."
c) "needs to take taxis due to his physical disability".

would you get that he has limited mobility?

Yes that seems quite clear @CherryCone !

Disabled does not equal violent.
Disabled people are far more likely to experience violence than perpetrate it.

(Cannot believe I need to say the above!)

This is thread where disabled people have spoken about the regular ACTUAL abuse we have experienced. Do you really think a child who is blind (@BrontëParsonage child) and a 30ish year old mother who is physically disabled are actually violent or do you think we have experienced it? The whataboutery is something else!

I think this thread clearly shows you're right OP.

Honestly - I'm not sure its worth wasting time debating with posters whose relationships with actual facts is non existent. Leave them to their internet guru "facts".

If people want to be bigots they will, regardless of actual data which repeatedly shows disabled adults and children are more likely to be targets of bullying and violence than the perpetrators.

I always love hearing that apparently I'm a drain on society when I've continued to be a top rate tax payer since I became disabled 20 years ago. However I had one big advantage - I was highly skilled and in demand at that point. I've put far more into the system than I could ever take out.

If I'd been in a zero hours or lower skilled type of job or at the beginning of my career then I'd have struggled to get traction in the job market because the very people who whine endlessly about "the disabled" taking out more than they put in are the same people who discriminate against us in the workplace.

But what about when 'normal' children attack their disabled classmates? I only have personal experience of being autistic and having autistic children but autistic people are bullied ALOT. Mentally and physically because we don't conform to societal norms ie. we're weird. We don't get the support we need then either! And it's one of the reasons autistic people are nines times more likely to commit suicide than NT people.

A recent study found that during the Covid pandemic, 50% of autistic people died from preventable causes so that's cheery!

Have a non verbal son with ASD that stims. I'm banking humiliating retorts in my head for these sorts of people. I may well be pleasantly surprised as quite a few people are understanding, but it seems to be because they know someone who has a child with ASD or a disability. I have made a decision to just tell people they are being ignorant and embarrass them if they say things like that.

You should have just turned around and said to them 'that would explain why you are so ignorant and stupid then'.

Oh and my son isn't violent at all. He is very affectionate, probably too affectionate with adults. Completely ignores his peers, so doesn't attack them, just might run into them accidentally due to issues understanding personal space. It's weird how people assume kids with disabilities are violent. Know far more NT people that are. All the aggressive and bitchy kids in my school were likely NT, just probably had self esteem or antisocial issues.

Just realised that doesn't say exactly what I meant it to, 50% of the autistic people who died during the pandemic died of preventable causes.

@Teder

'Disabled does not equal violent....
(Cannot believe I need to say the above!)'

You didn't need to say it, because that poster neither said nor suggested any such thing, and nor has anyone else. You know that, and so does everyone else. Misrepresenting people is a very attractive and common way to shut down a discussion you don't like.

Thank you@WiddlinDiddlin ! I thought so too, but apparently according to poster X on my thread: because I didn't go into more detail than that about how my son is disabled for his privacy, it's my fault that I found it upsetting and insensitive when poster Y boasted how her own son solved the same friendship problem my physically disabled son has by going across London to other universities to play on their football teams...

You get it. Absolutely ‘the right kind of disabled’
I’m not, unfortunately, I’m a wheelchair user so you’d think I’d be okay, but I’m fat. Wheelchair users are supposed to be small and frail and weak you see, if we are fat we are to blame for being stuck in a wheelchair and therefore should be vilified rather than accommodated.

The violent disabled children thing is IME a red herring. My nephew has ASD. The only person he’s violent to is himself disabled children are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators

What on earth does 'a red herring' mean? Are you trying to claim that disabled people are never violent because you know one ASD child who's not?

I have no idea how you know whether disabled children are more likely to be victims or perpetrators by the way, and that's a completely separate question. Are you just repeating something you hear everyone else say?

Because there's a thread on here about inclusion not working where children and teachers are being assaulted regularly, sometimes by SEN children, sometimes not. There's absolutely no way that those assaults, whoever is engaging in them, are being fully and properly recorded and classified. The institutions are too busy covering up the problem.

People have remarked on my son's kindness. He is kind in many ways. However, the most common time it's remarked upon is because he's 'inclusive'. So, he won't see any difference in making minor adaptations for a kid that's a few years younger, any more than he would to a kid who struggles with walking, or a kid who struggles with learning. Why is it 'kinder' for him to wait/ slow down for his classmate that struggles to walk than it is to wait/slow down for a friend's younger sibling on the way to school?

I've often thought it's a bit like when people remark on a dad doing stuff with their kids, but don't remark on a woman doing the same.

That’s an interesting point @NotReadyForAutumnYet. I think it sticks out more because it’s rarer- which I think is the same reason as the dad question. I’m not certain why it’s rarer; I wonder if people find it easier to be tolerant of small children because there is a straight forward equivalence between the effort put in to teaching how to wear a coat and the expectation that they’ll be doing it independently within a short timeframe. When that equivalence is broken - this other child may never become independent and able to help you in return- people shy away from the effort if they can?

Well done to your son by the way. Do you have a sense of why he in particular finds it easier to be tolerant than many of his peers?

I think the timeline may have something to do with it. It's 'normal' for an older / younger person to struggle with certain things. People don't think of the struggle someone might have just to make it to school or the shop or the endless decision making to plan a day out.

There's a timeline for things like an operation or cancer, even the uncertainties within each are easier to grasp than say M.E. People may offer childcare, food etc - it's a limited time, they accept some ups and downs, tell them not to overdo it. The person with M.E. may need help too, but instead is more likely to be pushed to do far more than their body can take, even by the same people. Their illness goes on too long. Timelines!

It must be v isolating at times. Isolation is awful and so many of those who cited it in lockdown in the names of those vulnerable or with disabilities don't really give a shit in real life. They don't think about how a dismissive attitude to someone day after day will impact on them. That the reason the smallest 'charitable' gesture is so appreciated is that many have been begging for crumbs. X feels good for giving Y a crumb and Y feels grateful - the bar should be higher.

People don't like uncertainty. Group a needs to meet these targets. Group b needs to meet those milestones. Anything else is an adaptation, a hassle, charity. Little thought is given to how very many people make adaptations, face hassles etc just to fit into a world where they're an afterthought.

Design aspect has been a much bigger extension of the way many things are designed to fit a male spec, despite both men and women using them.

Sorry, rambling on!

Amazing parenting obviously!! 😆

I'm not sure empathy can be learned. So, all the be kind / think of others etc etc that can be taught and modelled helps, but some kids struggle with it - not through malice, it just doesn't come naturally to them to notice if others are not included. In the same way some kids/people are just natural bullies - it's not always learned.

The housing officer who threatened to destroy DHs mobility scooter got promoted to housing manager.

Oh yes - and fat + manual chair, self propelling = doing their best, aww..

Fat + power chair = ate so much she put herself in that chair, deserves nothing except a poke with a harpoon.

Such fun!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4909131-covid-any-nhs-nursecadr-care-to-comment?page=1

@JenniferBooth I've just been reading that thread, it's horrifying how callous some of the comments are.

Try this one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4909120-to-want-to-take-my-12kg-in-the-plane-cabin

The hatred and ignorance around disability is scary...

QuckFetch I hope one day they have a visitor with a bowel condition and it leaks on to their expensive sofas.