To think that disabled people are hated?

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

Yes, I know that it was apparently very uplifting when I was planning a party for my disabled DS and his classmates from special school. When I was putting in all the hard work by myself to make it happen it was admirable and my DS and his friends were adorable.

But there have been so many threads here complaining about the way disabled children use up resources- in school, in clubs, in sports. So much hatred for the fact that disability is sometimes, inadequately, accommodated. So much blame and disdain for parents of disabled kids. So much anger at the unfairness and injustice(!) being suffered by the ‘normal’ kids, the functioning kids, the able kids when they are forced to encounter a disabled peer.

AIBU to think that this is people showing their true colours; that in fact the world is as full of hatred for disabled people as I’ve always feared?

Ableism is rife but there is also many forms of disability and one person's reasonable adjustment or action might be incredibly bad for another disabled person. My dd is hypersensitive to noise and the dc with adhd in her class caused her to drop out of school until she could go into separate provision, did their "they can't help it" trump her sensitivity (she's autistic). So I can understand why people are sometimes in two minds about inclusion. The reality is we need to be more understanding of each other, but be aware that things are always black and white (yes we have had to get off a bus because another person was vocally stimming, my dd could not cope with it)

God yes, the tokenism which is also used as an excuse to shunt disabled people off to one side because if you dare to complain about a 'standard/normal' version of something being inaccessible you get reminded "we have a SEN session available on this inconvenient day at this inconvenient time, you should go to that instead".

SEN sessions are all well and good for those who prefer them but they're not suitable for everyone and are often 'less good' - for example, cinema SEN sessions tend to be older films or less popular films rather than the latest releases, pantomime relaxed performances are often in the middle of the school day so no good to school-aged children, SEN activity sessions often don't include the really fun stuff (e.g., local trampoline park doesn't include the airbags in their SEN sessions, a soft play place doesn't include the go karts, etc).

Public spaces should be made as accessible as possible to as many people as possible 100% of the time, not just for an hour between 9am and 10am on the first Sunday of every month.

I fully understand and agree that many people would be much more affected than I am by the same condition. But I am disconcerted that on diagnosis I was encouraged to apply for so many things I didn’t need, because as you say I was clearly managing perfectly well. In my particular circumstances I think it would have been shameful to apply, because I have always been taught not to take what you don’t need, especially if it comes from resources allocated to those who do. And then I saw a lot of other women with similar life stories to mine (professional jobs, late diagnosis) who were trying to claim things they didn’t need and getting offended when they were refused. It’s almost like getting the diagnosis was validating (understandable) and then being refused PIP diminished that somehow.

It’s hard to unpick and I’m probably not doing it justice. With more adult ADHD being diagnosed there will be more people like me though, who are grateful for the insight into their brain and character but don’t warrant access to disability services or spaces, and I think the place for that should be more clearly demarcated for everyone’s benefit.

I did not claim @Carebearstare12e that nobody 'takes the piss out of the system'. I suggested that you can't possibly know what someone else's difficulties are based on your own circumstances, or on their activity on Facebook. I'm sure it's wonderful that you don't need financial support, but you don't have any special insight into other people's needs and difficulties. Even if you think you do.

I remember a lot of disabled people complaining about the hour in the supermarket because it was before their bus pass worked or their disability meant they couldn't get to the supermarket at 8/9am.

It's definitely on the rise.

I think because society has become so dog-eat-dog, people are now less patient and willing to accept that the less-able require more help and resources.

Maybe someone wouldn't qualify for pip. But I'm sure if they could word things well in an application they could give it a good try.
I have a friend who was diagnosed ADHD as an adult. I do not doubt she has it. I can recognise many markers of it in her. But she's now started saying she's going to apply for ride access passes at theme parks. And told me I can use it with her if she gets it. We've been going to theme parks together for about 20 years. She does not need an access pass. She manages queuing perfectly well. Yes she moans when it's a long queue. But don't we all??
This is the difference between a condition being actually disabling and then just using it to get extra things. Maybe her ADHD does disable her in ways. But by using an access pass she doesn't need (if she gets it) she'll be making people with other conditions who ARE affected by queuing wait longer. I'm sure an access pass would make her life easier. It would also make mine easier. It would make everyone's life easier. That's what I consider the difference anyway.

That’s literally what’s happening right now in the gender debate. You can appropriate any sex you feel.

I think hate is a bit strong. Resentment by certain groups for getting or being given things that they don't have most definitely.

In general there are a lot of people who are shits to everyone else though.

@Dramatic it is fair to be frustrated if your child is being hurt and the schools/teachers/authorities aren’t managing to step in appropriately.

But actually what I’m talking about is the exclusion and othering that disabled people face at every step. The sports club where parents complain that the kid with disabilities is slower to gain skills and takes up an unfair amount of the coach’s time. The early intervention Occupational Therapy that is withheld because ‘your child is also delayed at walking and talking, and their fine motor skills match their current overall ability’. The worry from parents that the mainstream classroom might contain ‘SEN’ (not children, apparently) who will need unfair amounts of support with reading and writing, taking away from their own child (who perhaps can already write their own name etc. and thus obviously requires less support anyway). The recruitment managers who dismiss job applications because they lack the imagination to see how a few reasonable adjustments could work. The posters on here who say ‘Well I don’t have adult friends with learning disabilities so why should my kids have to be friendly at school?’ The notion that Downs Syndrome or CP might be tolerable in a peer but ASD or PEG feeding would be an intolerable burden, without regard to the individual in question.

People in public mostly manage to say the ‘right’ thing, or nothing, but on here they voice all the disgusting things they really think and it’s horrid.

I don't think hated, but definitely not considered within society.

Lots of lip service, but no real action.

I agree with this. It think that using the umbrella term 'disabled' to describe an enormous range of different conditions, is problematic.

When I was at schools there was a kid with fairly mild dyslexia who was considered disabled, which meant that they were provided with a load of extra funding to buy laptops etc. This kid came from an extremely wealthy family - huge house with massive en-suite bedrooms, swimming pool, expensive cars etc.

By contrast, I couldn't afford a laptop, even when I went to university, which made the first couple of years really tough.

"The studies I linked to do not appear to be talking about a tiny proportion and you've provided no evidence at all. I'm not discussing the ethics of what IVF clinics may be claiming. I'm saying the reaction to that unfortunate poster was completely misleading and wildly disproportionate. This obviously triggers strong emotions for some reason although I have no idea why."

CMA testing detects genetic abnormalities in 5 -14% of people with autism who are tested. Apart from specific conditions such as Fragile X the test does not tell you if having that genetic abnormality means autism since many people will have a genetic abnormality that causes no ' ill effects'.

You’ve only got to look at your poll. Two thirds think you’re being unreasonable but the majority of comments seem to be agreeing with you.

Having a severely disabled adult son, we’ve seen and heard it for years. From a church telling us he was a fire hazard and had to leave the place, to lining up in the disabled access queue at Legoland and hearing parents deliberately announcing loudly that we shouldn’t queue jump.

You went to.University which proves you didn't need exta help.,and I doubt someone with mild dyslexia was given loads of extra help. Even in bygone years it was hard enough ro.access extra help.for children with quite significant disabilities let alone ,ones that are " mild".

I agree OP. I do think that people are very good at making all the right noises about fairness and the rights of disabled people until they see their precious child's classmate being 'given' something to put them on a level playing field with their peers. Then suddenly all bets are off. The parent's radar detects that someone else's child is getting more of something, be it equipment/time/attention, and they start wondering how this will disadvantage their own child.

Ime abled bodied people 'care' about disabled people until they are or feel they are negatively affected.

When my kids were at school other parents could be bloody awful. Definitely feeling my sons shouldn't be there and that they were taking up resources. I even had one bloke come directly to me to complain about it. 🤬

Now they're adults it's even harder for them.

I'm also disabled and yeah. There's a lot of ignorance and - bizarrely, jealousy.

Jealousy! I'll swap them. They get the pip if they also take the disabilities and me and my sons can have a chance at an actual life!

I think the modern world is very self-absorbed, entitled and nasty. Social media has encouraged these 3 traits in people. The end result being that people can’t see beyond themselves so can’t understand what a disabled person goes through, because people are very entitled they don’t like seeing anyone getting something that they can’t have (even though it would mean having a disability to get it) and people are nasty towards disabled people because it’s a trait that’s encouraged in our society.
People have lost their humanity.
I think it’s not just disabled people who get treated this way by people, people with chronic long term health conditions (like me) get treated the same way.

I agree with you. My son is Autistic and during Christmas a photographer came in to take individual photos at nursery. The photographer said something a long the lines of "what is he doing?" And then turned to DS and said "what are you doing hey? What's all that for?" When DS started stimming, even though we explained beforehand he is Autistic and will sit there but wont be great with instructions. Could tell the photographer was getting fed up

I'm willing to get that those 61% who are voting YABU are not disabled, don't have a disabled child and are simply outraged at having their bullshit called out.

The worry from parents that the mainstream classroom might contain ‘SEN’ (not children, apparently) who will need unfair amounts of support with reading and writing, taking away from their own child (who perhaps can already write their own name etc. and thus obviously requires less support anyway)

That’s a legitimate concern but not the fault of the child at all. The resources are not there to help all the children unfortunately, but I can still extend sympathy for those parents who are frustrated their child has no extra help because they are ‘not the worse’. That was said to me by my child’s school SENCO and fired me into helping my child off my own back which has been extremely rewarding.

I think sometimes if you don’t promote inclusion without exception you can be branded as ‘hating disabled people’. The top and bottom of it is that not everything can be inclusive of all disabled people.

Mainstream school for example, yes adjustments can be made for children with physical disabilities but not for special needs children who are violent, they should not be in a mainstream school.

A little girl with autism was asked by the dance teacher to stop coming to my daughters dance school, she couldn’t learn the steps, couldn’t participate in the class, was just running around screaming, licking the mirror, distracting the other children etc. Does that mean the teacher hates disabled people? No it means the class was not appropriate for her.

Some disabled people can come across as entitled, like the poster who wanted her neighbour to get a different job and car so she wasn’t disturbed. Just as normal people can be entitled. Disability doesn’t mean you can’t not be a dick at times!

Everyone knows someone who claims benefits for carers or disability etc who is playing the system. It’s often in the media, obviously some people really can’t work and need to be supported by the state but there many who take the piss.

Is this other blue badge holders who think you are 'stealing' their space or a random gobshite walking past?

Some children with SEN manage very well.in mainstream school there shouldn't be a blanket ban and not all.of them are violent
My own son has always been in a special school.because his needs could never have Bern met in mainstream ,there are of course some children with SEN who.are in mainstream because there isn't any appropriate. Specialist provision for them but that's no their fault
I think its quite hard to play the system ,I think some peop!e ,try I have seen people on the various DLA groups I'm on on Facebook put in claims foe very tenuous reasons but they are mostly unsuccessful .

We had screens put up around our desks at work due to covid. Last week we were informed we could take them down now. I told one manager I would prefer to keep mine as they help buffer noise, visual distractions etc (I’m autistic and open plan offices are so so so difficult to work in). The manager was fine with this. A few days later I was working from home and the manager contacted me to tell me their manager has taken them all down, despite being told I would prefer to keep mine. This manager has basically dismissed/ignored what I asked for and knows I am diagnosed autistic. Now I’m going to have to be ‘that person’ and raise it to officially request them to go back up as a reasonable adjustment, and I’ll be seen as the awkward, trouble making complainer making everything difficult etc. There is no reason why the screens HAVE to be taken down but that’s what I’ll be told and then it will become a thing that I have to ‘fight’ for even though it’s such a simple, reasonable accommodation. It’s just exhausting.

I don’t get any financial support/benefits, nor would I try to, because I earn enough to pay for things that help me manage like a gardener, cleaner etc.
But to help prevent autistic burnout, anxiety, stress etc at work there are things that could be done to help make my working environment an easier place to be. Things that have zero impact on anyone else. Like letting me keep my screens up, not messing with my chair, having a place for people to go for teams calls instead of yelling on calls in the open plan office…..having small offices for those that don’t cope well in open plan spaces….they are the WORST idea ever for anyone but neurotypical people. I paid for my own noise cancelling headphones for wearing at work but I can’t always wear them. The working world is absolutely NOT set up with anyone but neurotypical, able people in mind. Small accommodations for people like me can make a massive difference in how well they cope with working but people just don’t really care.