To think that disabled people are hated?

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

Yes, I know that it was apparently very uplifting when I was planning a party for my disabled DS and his classmates from special school. When I was putting in all the hard work by myself to make it happen it was admirable and my DS and his friends were adorable.

But there have been so many threads here complaining about the way disabled children use up resources- in school, in clubs, in sports. So much hatred for the fact that disability is sometimes, inadequately, accommodated. So much blame and disdain for parents of disabled kids. So much anger at the unfairness and injustice(!) being suffered by the ‘normal’ kids, the functioning kids, the able kids when they are forced to encounter a disabled peer.

AIBU to think that this is people showing their true colours; that in fact the world is as full of hatred for disabled people as I’ve always feared?

You are not unreasonable. The amount of ableism in society is awful.

There is so much ableism out there OP.

I'd say more of it comes from ignorance rather than hatred.

I'm disabled and experience ableism almost constantly. You learn to drown some of it out and to speak up briefly and factually when it's about accessibility etc.

It's exhausting.

You are not being unreasonable. I think ableism is at all times high . The strange thing is there is more sen children now than ever was before and yet it’s like society seem to really go against anything that will give those with a disability a bit if help

I'm disabled and no one gives two hoots.

I think what you're talking about is when the "normal" kids (as you put it) are being attacked by their disabled classmates, in which case I don't think anyone is directing their frustration towards the parent of that child but more to the system which means that those children aren't adequately supported.

I don't think hated, just an expectation that people with disabilities should be grateful for any adjustments. Also, as long as they're not given too many to be too much of an inconvenience or require any one else making minor adjustments. The last few years of 'othering' have especially brought this issue home to many (not just disabled).

YANBU. I couldn't escape it even in my marriage in the end. Stbxh turned out to be very abeIlist. The BS he comes out with still floors me at times. And what a chronically ill friend has been through with people that were supposed to be helping support her so she can care for her children is unbelievable. All that stuff on here that people say doesn't happen, or only happens when parents are neglectful, nope it happens to good people who are struggling and reach out for help like they're told to.

You're not unreasonable but I think most people who don't have disabled children wouldn't realise if they do discriminate in little ways.

Hating someone takes a lot of energy. I think unless disability touches their lives people don't really give a shit. I would say that there is more indifference than hatred.

I agree that it's mainly othering - at least at first, although it then does often turn to frustration and sometimes hatred.

People have it in their heads that you are 'stupid' and/or 'lazy' and just cannot see beyond their own experience - and good fortune.

It really doesn't help one bit when the government announces that they are going to 'crack down on' disabled people by 'encouraging them to work', which is code for kicking them under the bus and leaving them to starve, so they can use the money to pay for their luxury train set instead.

If the government are plain in showing their hatred for and distrust of disabled people and deliberately doubting and minimising the difficulties and challenges they face on a daily basis, why on earth would your average person think any different?

My daughter is severely autistic and the way people treat her is disgusting. We was on the bus the other day and she was stimming and this woman said to her friend “I don’t understand THAT and I don’t want to” honestly had so many vile comments.

Yes this has got 1 million times worse since covid too, people's tolerances are so much lower, I have 3 sen children I'm terrified for their future

I'm in my 30s and have been disabled since a toddler, the amount of ableism is constant.

I do feel your frustration, but I don't really know specifically what you mean?

My DS is disabled, and I find life for him has way too many barriers, but I also have friends kids who have a bit of anxiety and suddenly apparently they are as disabled as DS and want all the resources, and these are the people who usually don't accommodate me and DS and belittle the severity of his disability.

Well it's impossible to hate my 10 year old who has learning disabilities because he is so unbelievably cute. Having said that, the amount of vile comments directed at me and my other disabled children is shocking. Comments about how my dc with Aspergers syndrome aren't "properly autistic", how I shouldn't get carers allowance for looking after my own dc, how we shouldn't claim dla because the dc "aren't that bad", accusing me of not bothering to try and get youngest to sleep through the night so we can claim high rate dla for him. The list goes on. Then if I moan that it's hard because my 10 year old is in hospital for about the 25th time then I get "well you should be used to it by now".

And don't get me started on the people who try and hug my sensory avoiding 15 year old son because they think it's funny when he screams and stims.

I don't think it's hatred just ignorance and often selfishness.

I was quite shocked at some of the replies on the current teaching thread re kids with additional needs

YANBU. I think some people are just nasty pieces of work tbh. Of course they'll go for those more vulnerable.

That's awful I had almost exactly the same on the bus and on trains a few times.

The last time it happened, a woman told her friend that she thought DS was 'disgusting' (he has body movements that are quite painful for him, but don't harm anyone else but are just strange) - so I told the woman she was rude and that she should be ashamed of herself for being so nasty about a young child's disability.

I should have got her thrown off but it's hard when you are sitting there wanting to protect a child, not knowing how nasty someone could turn out to be.

My take on this is that the constant squeeze on everyone means that people look around them and begrudge anyone else getting anything else. Of course there should be accommodations and a level playing field. The reality is that when people are scared and getting poorer and the people in charge are actively trying to screw everyone, they find it impossible to punch up so they pick on people who are disabled, immigrants, anyone who is close and punchable.

It's shit.

Honestly I’ve given up explaining to people I found telling people she was autistic actually made them much worse / more abusive. People are awful 😞

Oh is THIS a timely thread for me to find right now. I'm up late, sleepless, worrying about my disabled son and upset at the thoughtlessness, selfishness and dismissive-of-disbility-ness one or two posters have showed on my current thread about my disabled son.

MOST posters have been lovely and supportive, and really helped me, and a few made me cry with their loveliness and understanding. But a few can't hide their ableism, distaste and disinterest. I'd call it that rather than hate. I don't think they hate disabled people, they just wish they'd stop whining and get on with it But it doesn't matter what you call it, it's there. And it's fucking shit for my son and all other disabled people.

I'm so sorry @BananaSlug and @AutumnSalad that's so awful.

@AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman the school/education thread is a bit strange.
times are tough and so many are being pushed to their absolute limit, and i think what i see is people are breaking and expressing frustration. i don't think it's frustration with the person who is disabled (be it child or adult) its with the system that doesn't support anyone particularly well.