To think that disabled people are hated?

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

Yes, I know that it was apparently very uplifting when I was planning a party for my disabled DS and his classmates from special school. When I was putting in all the hard work by myself to make it happen it was admirable and my DS and his friends were adorable.

But there have been so many threads here complaining about the way disabled children use up resources- in school, in clubs, in sports. So much hatred for the fact that disability is sometimes, inadequately, accommodated. So much blame and disdain for parents of disabled kids. So much anger at the unfairness and injustice(!) being suffered by the ‘normal’ kids, the functioning kids, the able kids when they are forced to encounter a disabled peer.

AIBU to think that this is people showing their true colours; that in fact the world is as full of hatred for disabled people as I’ve always feared?

@GeorgiaGirl52 so you learned on Mumsnet that it's appropriate to describe disabled children as feral? And you think people get financial incentives to have disabled children? I have to assume you don't know what the word incentive means.

I think you may have a point about schooling provision in the US. I know a UK family who have decided to stay there long term as the support their autistic child gets at school is far better, they believe, than that available in the UK. Although the child is in a mainstream, not special, school.

I'm not disabled myself but have witnessed openly horrendous behaviour towards disabled people, and know that must be the tip of the iceberg.

@MyHornCanPierceTheSky I don't know if there is a petition to be honest. I'm complaining to the Merlin attraction direct at the moment.

To cut this short you need to apply for a ride access pass 7 days before you go (did) they send you an email to say you can upgrade up a access card (£15 - did) and link the two. You then have to queue (ironic) at the park to get the ride access pass printed. The ride access card and so called upgraded access card are useless there. You need to download their app. Except their signal is awful. So you'd queue again to get a mobile device from them to get the QR code to access the rides.

The rides then "sell out" so if you go later in the day all the good rides are gone thus making the park useless for any disabled guests who can't get there early enough to get a QR code. I was kicked off a ride after using my upgraded pass which my son was very upset about. The whole thing is a joke and it is discrimination. It might seem minor but that is just part of the problem. It is huge to my son. It's such a shame because we came to Disneyland Paris and they got it so right, it can be done.

I think there is a whole range of disabilities but one of the problems in mainstream education is the environment.

It works on conformity. Everyone in. Do this at the same time. Do that by the end of that hour. Leave.

Small margins of that can be accommodated. Needs beyond that and the system breaks down quickly.

Add in most teachers do not have learning difficulties to an extent that hindered them from learning to a high level - and they really don’t have a comprehension of what it’s like to not be able to just get on.

Then add the political background of poor funding and you have set up a system that doesn’t have the man power to cope with difference.

It’s a perfect storm for picking a people
group and blaming all the issues on them.

I am sorry, hopefully along the way, you will find people who show you kindness.

Cancelling debate is not the answer . Georgia has put her point across eloquently and although unpalatable it's her right to say it . We either have free speech in this country or we don't .
FWIW I think MN gives a skewed perspective on how many SEN
children there are . In my whole adult life I have met one diagnosed autistic man . Yet MN would have me thinking every third child was SEN , some of whom the parents seem to have diagnosed .

My empathy goes to the parents because I've read some absolutely horrific threads of the lives some are leading as a result of SEN children . I absolutely know I wouldn't cope .
The other problem is that the country is broke and when peoples own needs aren't met they turn on others who will disproportionately take but never put back . Same could be said for some non working adults though .

Most people are fine.

But there are enough who aren't fine to make things horrible sometimes.

I have an immediate family member who is critically vulnerable to covid. The number of people who actively agree with perpetual isolation for them is horrifying.

(And no, before someone annoying pops up to say "but that must be true for every infection - no it sodding well isn't, because of treatment options)

“There was a tricky one with this woman complaining about a selfish neighbour who was stopping her sleeping.”

Was this the woman who needed to sleep a lot and thought her neighbour should change her job or park further away and walk to her car in the dark (presumably disturbing someone else as well) because her neighbour starts work at 4am every morning and has an older car that she starts for a few minutes to warm it up?

I don’t think it was the neighbour being selfish.

I’m with @MrsTerryPratchett in thinking that at least part of this comes from a lack of funding. Everyone ends up being angry with everyone else and everyone is suffering.

I’m really sad though about the ableism that does, genuinely exist though. Shocked at the suggestion we should have aborted our children with autistic spectrum disorders. Given that problems during birthing are generally implicated, rather than it being simply genetic, any spare money might be better spent on improving maternity services.

And I’m sorry for all those who’ve experienced horrible things. Comments on the bus? Just why? Unnecessary commenters can fuck right off with that.

100 per cent.

My disabled daughter tried a new activity yesterday and after one session I have withdrawn her immediately.

The teachers/leaders are professionals but had absolutely no idea about how to include her despite me talking to them in advance. It just doesn't make sense to them. They don't see it.

I just don't have the energy to educate them - I have so much other shit to deal with.

For them there is one way to be and if you don't fit, nothing is done to change the situation.

It's exhausting and so depressing.

I’ve also reported the above comment (sorry page froze and can’t see username. One who referred to disabled children as feral etc)

I've noticed it's got worse after covid.

I've got an ongoing complaint against a company because no one can be bothered to use their brains which causes me all kinds of problems. (I'm told to find staff on the train. I don't get an answer how a visually impaired person I do this) I'm told time and time again it won't happen again...it happens the following week. I'm told by a "friend" who deals with the same company but different branch she doesn't get my issue because she's never had problems. I'm lucky nothing serious has happened yet. But I'm concerned it will.

No one actually believes that 'disabled people are hated'. For anyone wanting to know what this is really about you'll want to see the post on inclusion not working.

Hello everyone.

I'm an able bodied person and I'm finding the posts on here a real shock and quite distressing. I've never seen incidents described here - spitting on people in wheelchairs, abuse for using disabled parking spaces etc. I fully believe they happen though. It's really shocking and awful.

I just wanted to say that if ever I witness anything like that I'd wade right in to support you. I hope that other decent MNers would too. We shouldn't have to though.

It's important that we all call out shitty, discriminatory behaviour in all of its forms. It's essential that we educate our kids and normalise the differences between people.

Finally, I do think that a lot of shifty attitudes stem from the government and the policies that demonise people who need additional support for daily living. The whole narrative around 'there isn't enough money' (there is, they just choose to spend it elsewhere) and the deliberate starving of funds to state schools, social services , councils etc all cause a 'dog eat dog' mindset where we poor suckers at the bottom have to scrap it out for the unnecessarily meagre resources they deign to 'give' us. It creates division, it dehumanises people and it sends an abhorrent signal out that some of our society are less valuable or, worse, a burden.

My view is that all people, whatever their physical or mental condition all have a part to play in our society. Everyone deserves a decent, happy life. Loved, safe, warm, fed, comfortable and respected for who they are.

We need a government that leads with that message and puts it's money where it's mouth is. Lead with respect and people will eventually follow. I hope. In the meantime if I see any nasty bastards doing shitty stuff, I'll be there to tell them to feck off.

I will try to be really honest here.

I struggle with the blanlet term "disabled" and the wide spectrum this covers.

When i was a child, "disabled" referred primarily to physical disability and was predominantly used for people with quite severe conditions.

Now it is used for everything from a wheelchair bound, incontinent child with cerebral palsy, to a fully verbal mainstream educated person with a spouse & well paid job, who on first glance many of us won't have any clue of their disability.

It used to be about having ramps in buildings and braille on bus stops, now it can feel like the autism/ND agenda is at the forefront and its a very different set of needs that are not as well understood

@Pollyputhekettleon I've just looked for the thread but can't find it. Can you post a link please?

I have a severely disabled child, 2:1 support, respite, inde school etc the majority fought for via tribunal, Jr etc.

I believe it's a mixture of reasons. The biggest being money or lack of it. Cost of living, lack of funding for services, increase in service users, covid, reduction of Special schools, some parents ensuring their rights while other parents are too tired to, more people being classed as disabled and more people with nd.

Some people don't like others to have more or perceive accommodations as preferential treatment. School ta's are a really good example of this. Why should a child get a dedicated ta to access school and education that they are legally entitled to when a child that doesn't need a ta would do so much better if they had 1:1 support? I've heard this a few times. I've also heard "imagine how many children in a mainstream school could be helped if your child's funding was given to the school" from a mainstream teacher when I moved ds to specialist inde school.

Other crackers "do you really want your child on there with the normal kids?", "whats wrong with him?", "I wish my child had a blue badge so I could park there", "he sounds like a monkey" I could go on.

I don't know any adults with a diagnosis of autism (or at least have shared it with me) but as a teacher, between 20-40% of the children my primary classes over the last 8 years have SEN. MN maybe slightly exaggerates how many children have SEN but it is not entirely inaccurate, in my experience at least.

I didn't think we lived in an abilist society until I had a wheelchair user in my class and parents complained on sports day about the adapted races that enabled him to take part 😡

Not rtft yet but totally agree with you OP

I dont agree with your POV. I dont feel this way and have never talked to anyone who feels this either.

i have a friend of a friend (early 20s, im 40s) who has three children now. Her first is autistic non verbal and hits out/bites etc. shes had a lot of help adapting her house, has a mobility car and the child has just started at a school specifically for the childs needs. I mean this friend has a lot on her plate. Shes only young but I applaud her. She is amazing and resilient. I feel she is getting the support she needs from family/friends all agencies involved. The children are well cared for. I dont feel any resentment at all for her help/support. To do that would be utter madness

It's not "wheelchair bound" it's "wheelchair user" / "uses a wheelchair".

Why shouldn't the term "disabled" cover everything? That mainstream educated married person could have something like a brain injury which does (talking from experience) cause disability. Their needs are just as valid.

I very much agree, especially on here. My husband has a fairly significant physical disability that has a big impact on his day to day life, he can do most things in his own way, but there are a lot of things he can’t do. I’ve had posters tell me people like him are stealing jobs from people without disabilities, I’ve been told to divorce him as life with a partner with a disability will be miserable.

We recently moved abroad, he went ahead with our two children, two posters PM’d me to say disabled adults should never be trusted to look after children and to make sure he is never allowed around them alone (obviously they weren’t quite so polite) and a little snooping revealed one was happy to leave her children around her drug using alcoholic husband.

We’ve recently discovered that our daugher has cerebral palsy, not something we’re overly concerned about etc, the only negative about it in our view is that other people will likely treat her like she is crap, stupid, less than, an inconvenience etc.

Since I’ve been on here I’ve seen posterw complaining about people with disabilities using public transport during rush hour, apparent people with disabilities don’t need to get to work on time. I also notice that one posters know another poster has a disability, the way people respond to them completely changes and not in a positive way.

YANBU. I volunteer for a charity for people with disabilities. The amount of jealousy that we see is bizarre - people claim to be disabled to access the only one hour session in the city specifically for disabled people per week when they could go at any other time across 4 sites, then become abusive when they're asked to leave.

I do think there needs to be a clearer distinction between neurodivergence and disability. Some ND is disabling, but not all, and it is muddying the waters.

I have adult-diagnosed ADHD but I don’t consider myself in any way disabled. It just like I have some helpful insight into my personality. I have a well paid job and don’t need external support.

I recently did an online group course on coaching my ADHD. We were all working adults who had paid quite a bit to attend the course, and none of us were debilitated by our condition, just affected by it in ways we could learn to adapt to. It was helpful as I was able to tweak my work life to become more productive and handle things like boredom and inattention better.

At the end of the course there was a big section on how to claim all sorts of benefits and grants that none of us had expressed any interest in. It was stressed that you don’t need a formal diagnosis, in a way I honestly felt was a bit ‘wink wink nudge nudge’. Grants for laptops and funding that could be used to pay for the next phase of the course - it did feel like a gravy train.

I also joined a Facebook group for women with ADHD and most posts were people asking how they could appeal their failed PIP claim. Most of these were from people with reasonable salaries, stable homes etc. I could understand why there claims were refused as they were coping already, and in my view benefits should be for people who are not coping.

I have also been reflecting recently on whether I wish I had been diagnosed as a child. Some things would have been easier - especially sensory stuff like clothes and noise, and I would probably not have got the ‘She is exceptionally bright but day dreams a lot’ feedback every year on my reports. But also, I think less would have been expected of me. I’m glad I was taught that the world wasn’t going to bend to my will and I would have to navigate the parts of it I found tough.

None of this is to detract in any way from people who find their ND more disabling - full support for that. It’s to show that not all ND is disabling and when we cast the net too wide it’s not surprising we encounter a bit of eyeroll from others.

As the mother of a non verbal and ''feral'' autistic child. I'm grateful for the financial assistance we receive - meagre though it is - as because of her complex needs, she cannot attend mainstream school and I cannot work in the meantime.

Of course what Georgiagirl won't see or will refuse to, is that neurotypical children are usually much more badly behaved than autistic children.

Im disabled. In the last year, I’ve gone from being healthy and walking, to weak and needing a wheelchair at times to get out.

I can only access standard mobility PiP which is a pittance really. I desperately want an electric wheelchair so I can gain some form of independence but I can’t afford it. I have to rely on my dh to push me about.

The amount of fobbing off by my doctor is disgusting. Because there’s no obvious reason as to why I’m like this, he offers no solutions and instead reckons I just need some sunshine. He refuses to test for fibromyalgia because he doesn’t believe it exists.

Think that too.

Unfortunately there is plenty of ignorance in the world.

Things like this should be part of the school curriculum. Basically anyone who isn't disabled learn to understand what is appropriate behaviour (for example not moving someone's wheelchair with them in it (tho I cannot believe someone would actually need to be educated on that, likewise not taking a disabled parking spot etc)). Some people just need it spelt out to them. If have you have a friend or someone in your family who is disabled chances are you will never cause any issue with others who are.

Race, religion, disability, basically any issue that crops up in society, people need to be educated from an early age so ignorance is combatted and common courtesy is built in.

As an adult with a disability I think things are better than in schools. I have a chronic health condition buy am fortunate enough to be able to explain fully and clearly when and how things affect me , this gives me a lot of legal protection in terms of employers making accommodations etc.

For my cousin who has downs syndrome it is more hit and miss but she generally does not experience discrimination or hate and her social care has been very good. In school she had a very different experience unfortunately but now she enjoys her life.

I think the main problem for disabled children is that educational resources are so stretched, those forced into mainstream due to lack of adequate provisions may be violent or disruptive and as a parent I can understand not being happy if I felt like my child was bring negatively affected by a classmate. In the end though its not the child's fault.

If education were better as a whole then there would be a lot less jealousy around 1 on 1 , a lot less children forced into unsuitable settings and a lot more children getting the education they deserve but unfortunately until then I think these clashes of interests will continue

Parents of disabled children give a lot more to the state than they take - it is significantly cheaper for the children to be cared for within the family rather than state provided residential care. So the idea they cost more is ridiculous and a reflection of how little people know and how quick they are to believe that someone else, someone less worthy, is stealing their crumbs.

The people who take more than they pay into the state are large businesses that pay so little their salaries are topped up by the state or very well paid people who use tax loop holes but still expect emergency care to be available.