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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son has stolen cash from me again

211 replies

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 20:59

When he was around 11 he spent nearly £400 on mydebit card. Lied about it consistently before the evidence became irrefutable. The fallout was huge.

He is now nearly sixteen and I've just discovered he's stolen nearly £200 in cash from my safe. He must have hunted hard for the key. I confiscated his controller and headphones - he just got them out of the car when I was at work this morning.

I'm gutted and confronted him tonight, calling him a thief and a blatant liar. Which he is. He has shown no remorse.

He called me a fat cunt and has locked himself in his bedroom.

I just want him out tbh.

OP posts:
Moredrobe · 23/09/2023 21:01

What’s the background? Where is his father? Any stepfather figures? What does he spend on?

Isseywith3witchycats · 23/09/2023 21:02

My youngest son went through a phase of this i carried my purse round with me key to the safe on your person, when i went to bed purse went under my pillow in your case key in purse, and i made my son pay me back every penny he had taken not as much as your son but he has to realise actions have concequences , i know it sounds harsh but maybe getting a policeman round to have a word with him may help

Galectable · 23/09/2023 21:06

What a distressing situation. Try to rescue him... or abandon him? Such a difficult choice for a mother. If you give up on him now you may regret it later. Can you take him away for a week where there's no internet, and try to reconnect? Okay that sounds like a fantasy but in your shoes that's what I'd be looking to do. Also talk to experts, find out what may be behind his behaviour. Good luck!

SmurfetteBlue · 23/09/2023 21:07

I'd be selling the gaming device he uses with the confiscated controller to make the £200 back and make him learn his lesson the hard way!

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:10

Lone parent. Father left when he was a baby. No family around. He has a godmother - my best friend - he's in local groups and is good at school. He's just a thief and has no empathy. Gutting. His father was very disordered - NPD probably. It can be inherited. I have no idea how to make him see there has to be a consequence for stealing so much cash from me. He's spent it on sweets, gum, no idea what else. The fact that he lies very convincingly to my face is just horrible. Calling me a fat cunt - well, he has been caught out and hates me.
He made a huge scene about being bullied at school last night. To take the heat off the fact that I'm so angry he's stolen from me and so would feel sorry for him again?He's not stupid. Maybe I am. And no, he has never bothered to do jobs or earn pocket money..if he wants something he takes it. The end. Very sad but I have had enough.

OP posts:
oksothisisusnow · 23/09/2023 21:11

This was my sister as a teen. She stole everything that wasn't nailed down.

I'm so sorry. Also I think its disgusting that he's called you a fat cunt when confronted.

Does he have elsewhere to go?

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:12

He's addicted to his xbox. He gets hysterical almost when he loses access.

OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 23/09/2023 21:13

Sell Xbox

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:14

He doesn't have anywhere to go no. Nor do I. He is 16 in 8 weeks and expecting an expensive PC and a skydive for his birthday. I am nearly 60 and just want him to get in touch with his father and go and live with him.

OP posts:
Pottomous2 · 23/09/2023 21:15

sell The Xbox ….?

Azandme · 23/09/2023 21:15

Definitely sell the XBox.

And tell him he's already had his birthday present - he nicked it.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:17

Sell the xbox - he would axe me in the night.

OP posts:
Blendiful · 23/09/2023 21:17

-£200 off his birthday money, if he was getting anywhere near that much. What he wanted he now doesn't get.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/09/2023 21:19

I'm normally a softly softly parent, but I think there comes a point where you have to be firm. Under absolutely no circumstances would I be giving him a birthday present. Selling the Xbox is one idea, but could it maybe go in quarantine instead (get a friend to store it out of the house) while he does chores to pay you back. It sounds like he has no respect for you at all, which is devastating as a parent. Can you get anyone to help? Have you talked to the school?

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:21

Without his xbox he would literally have nothing to do. He is in cadets but has no mates outside school where we live. Not my fault - I've tried loads of things. But he doesn't like 'chavs' and kids who vape or kids who he considers 'popular wankers' - ie skate boarders, boys who wear caps, boys who have girlfriends and smoke weed. I wish he would do ALL of these bloody things.

OP posts:
Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 23/09/2023 21:21

Take the x-box. Turn off the internet. Take his house key. Put a lock on your bedroom/ other internal doors. Keep the keys, incl those for your car and safe, on your person at all times.
Tell him he can't be trusted right now, and will need to earn your trust back.

Find out how much you'd get for the x-box at somewhere like Cash Converters. It's unlikely to be anywhere near the cost price (or £200). Tell him he has the choice of either paying you back - in instalments if necessary - or having his stuff sold to raise the funds.

Cancel any birthday presents. Unless he manages to apologise properly before then.

Motherofalittledragon · 23/09/2023 21:22

16th birthday or not he'd be getting no expensive presents from me for his birthday after stealing £200. He needs to learn actions have consequences.

Peacendkindness · 23/09/2023 21:22

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:17

Sell the xbox - he would axe me in the night.

Do it and lock your bedroom door- thieves don’t get to control for what others do and call the police if he is abusive

TomatoSandwiches · 23/09/2023 21:23

Don't get him a thing for his birthday and look into having an officer have a word about stealing.

Oldthyme · 23/09/2023 21:24

Gotta woman up for this one OP.
Gotta dish out some tough love & be a strong parent. Bu*ger the outcome, tantrum, shouting. Stay cool. You’ll be doing him a favour. He has a choice; police or forfeit.

Pawn or sell his xbox thingy. He has to learn that actions have consequences. If you pawn it, he pays to get it back but not with stolen money.
Be strong and lay down the boundaries now, or he’ll go from bad to worse.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:24

Thank you for all your suggestions but I have honestly done all of them. We have had family support workers (made zero difference) school involvement (they never follow through), I myself phoned social services a year and a half ago as he insisted he wanted to be fostered. I just want him out now. It's painful as I love him to pieces but he feigns respect for me and has zero empathy for anybody - except animals. Though I have to look after our animals. He can't be bothered.

OP posts:
RoseBucket · 23/09/2023 21:26

Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:21

Without his xbox he would literally have nothing to do. He is in cadets but has no mates outside school where we live. Not my fault - I've tried loads of things. But he doesn't like 'chavs' and kids who vape or kids who he considers 'popular wankers' - ie skate boarders, boys who wear caps, boys who have girlfriends and smoke weed. I wish he would do ALL of these bloody things.

?? Eh?

squareyedannie · 23/09/2023 21:26

My DS stole from me a few times. In the end I had no option but to throw him out. I don't know your whole story but I do know that there has to be consequences.
It's a horrendous situation to be in.

Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:28

squareyedannie · 23/09/2023 21:26

My DS stole from me a few times. In the end I had no option but to throw him out. I don't know your whole story but I do know that there has to be consequences.
It's a horrendous situation to be in.

Throw him out where? I can't throw him out as he's fifteen, 16 in November. He knows his rights and is very versed in them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spopssas · 23/09/2023 21:29

I honestly would be afraid of him if I sold his stuff. He might harm me.

OP posts:
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