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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In expecting him to pick me up from the airport?

388 replies

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:01

I'm currently travelling alone in Mexico and I realised I had made a mistake with my coach times to get home from the airport as I forgot about the time difference. A new ticket is £40 and a 6 hour coach journey returning home at 8pm by which time I will have been travelling for around 24 hours and I am back at work the next day. I rang my partner and asked if he could give me a lift from the airport , it is about a 2 and a half hour drive. He says he has a meeting at 10am and I land at 11:15, I said ok I don't mind waiting at the airport for you to arrive, he says he will be too tired as he drove 5 hours to Devon yesterday for a music show and he doesn't know how long the meeting will last so he can't do it and it's my fault that I fucked up the times. I said he was being selfish as I would go out of my way to help him in this situation. Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

Original poster

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:02

In comparison i rang my mum and mentioned it to her and she offered to pay for a taxi for me. I said no as it's £300 and it's too much money. However the differences in responses has made me realise that his response wasn't normal.

OP posts:

justasking111 · 23/09/2023 16:04

His response is reasonable. You messed up with timings, your choice of airport. Take the coach and sleep

Motomum23 · 23/09/2023 16:05

I agree not a response from a loving partner... I would personally be taking a step back from the relationship at this point... why put effort in if you don't get any back.

murasaki · 23/09/2023 16:05

Is it a 2.5 hour drive each way for him? if so, I see his point, you were the one who messed it up. You could sleep on the coach. If 2.5 in total, I'd hope he'd do it after his meeting, but is he not at work? The onus is on you to sort your travel plans I feel.

cardibach · 23/09/2023 16:05

A 5 hour round trip with no definite start time? I would be reluctant to pick you up too. You could be waiting a long time. If his meeting is 3 hours, for example, he’d leave 1 and get to you at 3.30 and you wouldn’t be home until 6ish - so not much benefit as compared to the bus.
I think you might be being a bit unreasonable, though I get why you feel you would like him to do it.

Evaka · 23/09/2023 16:05

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to drive 2.5 hours to collect me from an airport. It's a bummer of a journey but you're creating a horrible one for him if he were to do it.

Original poster

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:06

He's self employed and that's the only commitment he has that day .

OP posts:

cheezncrackers · 23/09/2023 16:06

TBH OP, if he's got a meeting at 10 and doesn't know how long it will take, plus he's then got to get in his car and drive 2.5 hours to pick you up, you might as well get the bus as your arrival time at home won't be all that different. A 5-hour drive the day before is also a lot, on top of a 5-hour round trip to collect you. I think YAB a bit U really. You screwed up your timings, it's not his fault.

Original poster

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:06

I got on the coach to the airport and I wouldn't have asked him unless I had messed the times up .

OP posts:

Catusrusty · 23/09/2023 16:06

Well I don't think you are unreasonable to ask.

I think it's difficult to frame his response as either reasonable or unreasonable tbh. It depends on things like how long you've been together, if you do things like this for him etc etc.

I would do this for my DH in a heartbeat and he would do the same. I accept that isn't how everyone runs their life though. However OP, if that's what kind of relationship you do want, then this isn't the man for you as you aren't high on his priority list.

Evaka · 23/09/2023 16:06

Motomum23 · 23/09/2023 16:05

I agree not a response from a loving partner... I would personally be taking a step back from the relationship at this point... why put effort in if you don't get any back.

Lol

fairlygoodmother · 23/09/2023 16:06

If he has a meeting at 10am it sounds like it’s a work day for him? And you want him to do a 5 hour round trip in the car so that you don’t have to do a 6 hour coach journey. I think you are unreasonable, sorry.

Blueeyedmale · 23/09/2023 16:07

He is being very unreasonable OP sounds like he is making excuses,you have been away someone you love surely you would want to see them after not seeing them for a while I think he's being a bit selfish saying no

Original poster

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:07

I've picked him up the airport twice and would do the same for him. His car was recently in the garage and I was giving him lifts.

OP posts:

Mercurial123 · 23/09/2023 16:08

I wouldn't do it. You sound entitled.

Original poster

dramallamamx · 23/09/2023 16:08

Been together since April .

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 23/09/2023 16:08

Presumably you booked the coach ticket based on the time your flight lands. Any time difference would be irrelevant as the take off time will be Mexican time and the landing time will be UK time.

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 23/09/2023 16:09

I would do it without hesitation. But I’m a chronic people pleaser, who wouldn’t dream of asking someone to make a 5 hour trip, to save me a 6 hour one. I can understand why he’s reluctant.

BranchGold · 23/09/2023 16:10

i don’t think I’d consider someone I’d been with since April my partner.

unfortunately you’ve messed up your timings, I’d think it’s for you to organise.

goodmother90 · 23/09/2023 16:10

Yabu

murasaki · 23/09/2023 16:10

All the stuff about missing someone you love, she chose to go to Mexico by herself, so I think that's irrelevant tbh. Get on the coach.

tescocreditcard · 23/09/2023 16:10

The coach sounds ideal really. You land at 11.15 and the coach leaves at 2.

Get some lunch at the airport then sleep on the coach.

Is your partner normally ok though? I'd be watching him more carefully after this I must say.

Whyohwhywyoming · 23/09/2023 16:11

Mercurial123 · 23/09/2023 16:08

I wouldn't do it. You sound entitled.

But surely it’s not entitled to ask for help from someone you’re in a relationship with? I find this whole, you’ve fucked up, sort yourself out attitude really weird. If my sister, or husband, or close friend, called me saying oh no, I’ve messed this up can you help me, I would help them, not spitefully remind them
its their own fault. In my family, people help each other, if they can.

Caroparo52 · 23/09/2023 16:11

What about train?
If you're independent enough to travel to Mexico on your own then you're able to arrange your own transport without being a drain on someone else.

sodthesodoff · 23/09/2023 16:11

You boyfriend of five months won't commit to a five hour round trip on a work day because you messed up?

No I don't think he's unreasonable. I think you're a bit shitty for making him feel bad and having a go at him for it

Yes of course your bloody mother is going to offer to help out. She's not your boyfriend of five bloody months.

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