Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents to collect their child from my house

349 replies

Kanoe2 · 23/09/2023 00:34

DD friends use our house as a hang out in the evening after school. They are early teens. They don't have dinner with us but do have snacks and will leave between 6-8pm.

One of the friends has an expectation I will give her lift home every night. Her parents have never picked her up. She will only walk home if my DD escorts her. With the evenings drawing in I don't want my DD walking in the dark alone once she has dropped her home.

I have told this child that she needs to arrange getting home with her parents if she wants to come over. I am told by the child parents will collect her. Then on the evening, it will be an excuse why they can't collect her and I have to drive her home.

I have told DD if this child can not get home then she will no longer be able to come over everyday. This has caused tension between the girls.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 23/09/2023 00:38

You are completely reasonable. What’s the problem between the two girls-has your daughter told her what she said and the friend has had a strop about it? She sounds hard work, if so!

I wouldn’t be taking her home, no. I would be having a glass of wine so I couldn’t drive.

I’d ring the mum and tell her that, tbh!

Pfannkuchen · 23/09/2023 00:40

it's ridiculous, she needs an escort, but your own has to walk alone?
what's the reasoning behind that one!

Being a CF start early for some.

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 00:41

I suppose the problem is that if you are not taking her home your DD will be walking with her. Am I right?

Pfannkuchen · 23/09/2023 00:41

I would love to know the reasoning of the people who voted "YABU".

UsingChangeofName · 23/09/2023 00:42

When she turned up, I'd be really clear "Sorry Issy, I won't be able to take you home this evening. Can you phone your Mum now and let her know so she can decide to either pick you up before 7, or does she want you to walk back home now, while it is still light?" then stand over her whilst she gets her phone out.
Repeat each time, until she gets the message.
Help your dd to see it makes no sense that her friend can't walk alone, but that her friend is expecting her to walk alone, so she can point that out to her friend if she raises it.

ZekeZeke · 23/09/2023 00:48

this has caused tension between the girls em, how exactly??

Don't let teens use your home as a hotel daily.

Peaceandquietfinally · 23/09/2023 00:51

My teens had friends over after school and I never got involved with home time. Not my responsibility.

verdantverdure · 23/09/2023 00:51

Has the girl got shit parents?

or are they at work at pick up time?

ThomasThorne · 23/09/2023 00:54

I used to have the exact same thing with one of dd’s friends. In the end I would pretend I’d had a glass of wine and couldn’t drive her, eventually the parents took the hint. I did feel
bad for my dd as the parents weren’t too pleased about having to pick their child up and took it out on the friend who would take it out on my dd, saying things like ‘I’m in trouble with my parents because of you’ 🙄 They took the piss in other ways too, some people are just really cheeky.

Bouncyball23 · 23/09/2023 00:55

How old are they? Can dd not walk half way with her then they split thats what my teen does with his mates.

KnowledgeableMomma · 23/09/2023 00:56

I'm confused...have you talked to/know the parents? My DD doesn't have any friends that I don't know the parents of. It seems a pretty easy fix to call or visit the parents and say, "We love it when -- comes over but if - wants it to continue, you'll need to drive her here and pick her up as I won't", but I might be missing something?

Georgiepud · 23/09/2023 01:00

The only good thing about your taking the girl home is that you get to choose when to take her back. Just make it very early giving an excuse - your eyes are playing up in the dark.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/09/2023 01:02

Pfannkuchen · 23/09/2023 00:40

it's ridiculous, she needs an escort, but your own has to walk alone?
what's the reasoning behind that one!

Being a CF start early for some.

Exactly!

Get the parents' phone number and tell them the taxi service is over. Ffs.

OddlyFramed · 23/09/2023 01:04

Bouncyball23 · 23/09/2023 00:55

How old are they? Can dd not walk half way with her then they split thats what my teen does with his mates.

Why is still ok for the OPs DD to then walk back on her own but the friend can’t? If it’s not safe for her how does it magically become safe for DD?

Original poster
Kanoe2 · 23/09/2023 01:07

DD told friends today at school that I wouldn't hive her lift home this evening and wouldn't allow her to walk her home. Her friend told her I was being rude. If she walks home alone then she will get in trouble with parents.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 23/09/2023 01:13

YANBU

Bring the child home one last time in your car.

Stand at the doorstep and do not leave until you talk to at least one of her parents. Inform them the child is welcome to hang out but you cannot bring her home night after night.

Or get the child to give you her parents' phone numbers and call them.

Stop trying to use the child as a go between here. You need to directly confront the parents.

PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 01:13

Kanoe2 · 23/09/2023 01:07

DD told friends today at school that I wouldn't hive her lift home this evening and wouldn't allow her to walk her home. Her friend told her I was being rude. If she walks home alone then she will get in trouble with parents.

Exactly so why can’t the parents pick their child up? Madness that they expect you to do it. Stick with your decision because you’ve made the right thing.

Is your DD meant to walk her home then DD walks back by herself? That’s not okay

mathanxiety · 23/09/2023 01:14

PS my guess is there are no parents available to take this child home.

Original poster
Kanoe2 · 23/09/2023 01:15

Replies aren't working properly. But to answer some of the questions.
The girls are 12/13.
I don't know the parents. I've asked around but no one knows them. I obviously know where they live and will probably have to go round and talk to them.
I'm not comfortable with DD walking once dark in our area. I'm also not comfortable with any of the girls walking home in the dark but if her parents want her walk then that's their decision. I'm not sure they would know she is walking home and I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to her.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 23/09/2023 01:17

I'm confused...have you talked to/know the parents? My DD doesn't have any friends that I don't know the parents of. It seems a pretty easy fix to call or visit the parents and say, "We love it when -- comes over but if-wants it to continue, you'll need to drive her here and pick her up as I won't", but I might be missing something?

It is very normal not to know parents of friends of teens.
I mean, teens make friends with other teens. they have their own phones and make their own arrangements. You might get introduced if you bump into them at a parents evening, but I didn't have the phone numbers of any of my dcs' friends parents from secondary school.

Flatandhappy · 23/09/2023 01:17

You need to bypass the kids on this one and make contact with this girl’s parents. Let them know she needs to be collected as you have your own stuff to do in the evenings (and you are not a taxi service). Stress that she is very welcome in your home but they need to come get her at home time. I personally wouldn’t want to be the mum who insists she walks home alone in case something happened but neither would I let my kid be the one who ends up walking alone in the dark.

JANEY205 · 23/09/2023 01:18

Cheeky twat parents! I’m sorry she was mean to your daughter but this is a great chance to talk to your daughter about boundaries and her friend being cheeky and expecting more from the friendship than she gives. Tough luck if she can’t walk home alone, your DD shouldn’t be either! Just stop coming over is the easy solution isn’t it! I often went to my friends houses and my parents ALWAYS collected me.

JANEY205 · 23/09/2023 01:20

OP honestly I think I’d have a chat with your daughter about stopping all friends being over after school for a while. They can come on weekends but it’s way too much for after school too and you need some time in your own actual house without a bunch of other peoples kids mooching about! I’d absolutely stop them coming over for a while if her transport home isn’t sorted! You do not need the worry and guilt of either girl walking home alone and I’d be pissed off to always have to give lifts.

JANEY205 · 23/09/2023 01:22

Stop the hangouts, stop the snacks!! Do you not find it really annoying having loads of extra people in the house?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/09/2023 01:28

Is it actually causing you a problem to be giving her a lift home? If it is then you've either got to tell the parents to come and get her or tell the kid she can't come over any more. If it's not actually that much trouble I'd just carry on doing it. Yes it's unfair, but you don't know what's going on at that kids home. The fact that they're all coming to you suggests that you're the welcoming house they feel they can come to. Provided they're actually being nice to your DD when they're at yours and not taking advantage I'd just roll with it. You might be the best adult in that kids life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread