To expect parents to collect their child from my house

[Kanoe2]

DD friends use our house as a hang out in the evening after school. They are early teens. They don't have dinner with us but do have snacks and will leave between 6-8pm.

One of the friends has an expectation I will give her lift home every night. Her parents have never picked her up. She will only walk home if my DD escorts her. With the evenings drawing in I don't want my DD walking in the dark alone once she has dropped her home.

I have told this child that she needs to arrange getting home with her parents if she wants to come over. I am told by the child parents will collect her. Then on the evening, it will be an excuse why they can't collect her and I have to drive her home.

I have told DD if this child can not get home then she will no longer be able to come over everyday. This has caused tension between the girls.

AIBU?

It would be one thing if she was a sweet girl with problems at home (I had a really lovely school friend whose parents were totally shit and uninterested and she basically gratefully survived off the kindness of other parents feeding and driving her around). Quite another if she’s domineering and criticising OP’s daughter and OP herself while they’re providing her with socialising, a hangout space, food and lifts.

We honestly don't have time. It is not that they are strapped to their desks but we have sports and other activities - I recognise not everyone else does.

But monday to thursday after-school hanging out would be a no for me regardless.

I'd send the parents an invoice for fuel money.
If they say it's cheeky then I'd reply it's cheeky to think that you can always drop their kid home.

Perfect!

Children are a product of their home life.
It's rare to get a perfect, polite, sweet, kind kid with awful parents because they only learn to be unpleasant.
It's also rare for anyone to be born "bad" they learn from home/adapt coping strategies.

Any kid with unusual behaviour deserves a bit of compassion and attempt to understand why and model better.

What? I don't know any of my daughter's school friends parents. They met at school, made friends, make plans together, there's been no point at which I'd have met the parents.

My mum didn't know any of the parents of my friends from high school either.

Not sure how that's confusing! How do you know every parent of all of your DDs friends? My kids have friends I've not even met, how on earth would I contact all their parents?! And why 😂

Same here @MrsMara. We have things on either straight from school or need to be back out of the house inside two hours. Homework needs to be done and food eaten.

How far, what sort of walk, how old?

So she’ll be in trouble for walking home alone but they won’t collect her and expect your kid to walk home alone!!! Cheeky bastards!!

Totally agree with you. It’s good enough you’re providing regular ‘hang out’ and snacks. Last thing you want is to be a taxi service. Now and then is fine but it’s when it’s expected it becomes a piss take. Your daughter’s friend will have to communicate to her parents she can’t come because it’s getting dark early and it’s unsafe for her to walk home. Don’t allow it unless she’s being collected.

Offer to drive her home once a week?

Then if there are problems with her family situation and she really doesn't want to miss out on hanging out with friends then she can do it once a week but it isn't a huge tie for you.

Does that equate to daily hosting and chauffeuring for any kid who’s unpleasant to yours? I can see a few drawbacks to that plan.

If she walks home alone then she will get in trouble with parents.

The only reply to that is ‘I will get into trouble if I walk home alone’

This girl currently has it all her own way. She gets walked home or a lift. Her parents clearly rely on you to do their job as parents to protect her. I’d knock on the door.

How about the fucking parents pick their own child up then if they feel the need to tell her she will be in trouble for walking home alone!!!!! Sorry I wouldn’t stand for this!!! What entitled little twats!!!!

Are her parents actually at home when the girl go back?

Sounds to me like either they are a entitled pair or trio, if you want to include the girl here because she call you rude for not meet her expectations of being giving lifts. Or that the parents are absent and the girl made up all to have a lift to an empty house.

Both are bad but the first is CFukery second is neglecting.

Not only that but the expectation from her parents is clear that the expect op to sort out how she gets home, either by driving her or sending her own dd to walk her home!! Double cheeky bastards!!!!

Lock this down as you're being taken for a ride

The girl no longer comes over unless parents collect

Nope. Not at the expense of DD. DD needs to learn to be compassionate when friends open up, but to firmly reject friends who are rude or try to take advantage of her. Assuming the girl even has issues at home, she can talk to DD about them properly, not be bitchy and demanding then get help regardless, that won't be good for her in the long term either.

Why?? Honestly I don’t mind giving someone else’s child a lift home but it’s clear that the expectation from the parents is that their child makes it home but either has to walk home with op’s dd or that op drives her home!! So they are being entitled cheeky fuckers. It’s not op’s responsibility to make sure she gets home on a regular basis so I would not be offering to give her a lift home once a week for that reason.

The friend said you were rude?? No, she’s the rude one, inviting herself over every night and then expecting you to be her taxi - and I’d tell her this to her face.

But then, I wouldn’t let teens hang out like this in my house night after night. Apart from any nuisance to you, it puts pressure on your DD. She’ll attract more ‘friends’ who want to come over and then when she says No (because they’re not really her friends) she’ll get crap like this.

I suspect this girl’s parents have said nothing of the sort, and it’s the girl pretending they’ve said this because she wants a lift home.

If I meant that I would have said that.
Obviously I didn't

And how is she supposed to learn not to be bitchy if that's how her parents are and other people cut her off?

Why do you have to?

Hi x, nice to see you. Remember that I will not be giving you a lift home and daughter will not be walking with you. Your parent is coming to fetch you as I'd told you they must, right?
Put so you don't sound like a twat but that meaning and very clear.

Then it gets to going home and she springs it on you and you say no. I told you didn't I? Phone your parent. I am not driving you again and daughter is not walking you home. You knew this.

Because she's going to carry on as long as you carry on. Until you actually stand firm you'll carry on being her taxi. It's your choice.

Wow she called you rude.

As others have said, if she can't get home then she can't come. If it's not safe for her to walk home alone then the same applies to your daughter which basically means they want you to keep dropping her off.