Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

Very small children get a lot of joy out of the idea of a magical man who comes once a year to give them presents. And most parents like to see their children experience joy. There really isn't any more to it than that. I don't think there's any hysteria involved for most people, obviously the vast majority of 8 and 9 year olds have worked it out already and parents are fine with that.

childhood is short enough, nothing wrong with some magic and make-belief.
I believed in Santa when I was little, I have come round since, no harm done 😂

Why are you so aggressive? It's not being hysterical than enjoying the magic for a few years, being told "The Truth" too early doesn't make children grow more intelligent, more successful...

Believe in what you want, but respect other parents choices, it's sad when someone is trying to spoil it for everybody else.

What was your experience of Father Christmas growing up? I guess it wasn’t a major element of your Christmas celebrations growing up. That’s fine but at 3.5 year old you could have managed the conversation differently. Your daughter is likely to repeat what your DH has told her to other children who are only just beginning to understand who Father Christmas is.

Children grow up so fast, let them have some magical moments to remember.

You can make Christmas magical either with or with out Santa by creating your own traditions , I mean my kids are 32,25,25, they still get a stocking and selection box from Santa, and when we get together on Christmas eve, I nip out the back and shake the sleigh bells, which they find hilarious. My twins class teacher told the class in Year 3 that Santa wasn't real 😡. My dad told me when I was quite young, and it really didn't bother me, I still got a stocking and pressies under the tree, I really didn't care who provded them.

I wouldn't offer the information that something was 'real or not real' until a child asked.

If the child was under 5 and asked I would try to fend it off a bit with 'what do you think' or 'some people think so'

What people believe/don't believe is quite highly charged and young children are not known for subtlety of communication so are more likely to shout 'Santa/God/Unicorns/fairies are not real because my mum said so' in an argument rather than anything more nuanced.

With my children I presented lots of 'stories' about beliefs and magical creatures, trying to keep them all at a level of possible rather than absolute truth/untruth.

I think some many people really loved the traditions around Santa at Christmas and have memories that are linked to it, so would feel quite hurt if they were unable to carry these out because their 4 year old is insisting 'Santa isn't real anyway'.

Adults can be very inconsistent with 'truth' around children which often confuses them.

Children love using their imaginations and that’s an extremely important part of childhood. My 4 year old thinks his panda teddies actually talk to him and I’m not going to sit him down and tell him that no, your panda isn’t waking you up at 6 am because it’s cute he thinks that’s the case.

Santa and other things such as the tooth fairy add magic to children’s lives.

Believe in what you want, but respect other parents choices, it's sad when someone is trying to spoil it for everybody else. But if people are expected to feed nonsense to their child, just because other people want to tell their children a story about a magical stranger giving them presents, how is that respecting other parents' choices?

Nothing wrong with magic or make-belief, but Father Christmas is not a make-belief made up by children. It's something that's being told to them by adults as a collective made-up story. It's not like children having fun on the playground making up stories where they're fairies or witches or something.

I mean I'd be cross with the pragmatic I must always tell the truth approach to be honest. She's 3 what's wrong with her having a bit of magic and make believe in her life. She's got decades ahead of her to realise it's not all fairytales so why not indulge her for a bit in some lovely stories.

My DD is 5 and we've always told her we buy her Christmas presents. I'm not telling her a pointless lie just because everyone else does. If she tells other children then it's not my problem. It's embarrassing how long some parents let it go on.

Most people want to give their kid something that they enjoyed themselves as children. It's kind of wonderful to engineer a little magic for children into the everyday.

Although my kids were early sceptics, it was a very brief window of make believe.

DS(8) was told last Christmas that ‘Santa isn’t real and it’s your mum & dad getting you presents’ by his Muslim friends at school. He wasn’t bothered and I think he vaguely still believes although is wavering.

I don’t believe that there are kids of 10-11 years who still genuinely believe. So streetwise and internet savvy these days, have access to smart phones and iPads etc, yet have never discussed online with others? More that they love the magic of Santa and are stringing their naïve parents along!

I found Christmas really magical when I believed in Father Christmas.

It never occurred to me to do Santa with my eldest child. I have no idea why

We still had all the joy of Christmas and excitement over presents under the tree etc.

It's easier than writing Mum and Dad on the gift tag. Either that or I get bored and start writing from ? or even Satan.

What a miserable and joyless way to live. You aren’t a family I’d want my DD associating with.

There is no hysteria about Father Christmas (Santa is not a term we use, far too chavtastic) but there is magic in Christmas that I want to preserve.

Why are you in such a hurry to turn your child in to an adult? Did your partner not have a happy childhood full of magic and mysteries? How sad.

I guess I look back to my own childhood and have gone from there. What were my most exciting moments - waking up to see what Father Christmas had left for me and my siblings. Nothing else compares to those memories tbh. They were the most magical times and I'll never forget it. I want the same for my child as it made me feel so happy and excited. No other made up thing comes close in comparison.

My DD is 8 and still believes in Santa, (he just delivers the presents in our house - she knows people buy them), but if she asks if he's real then she'll be told the truth. Just because some children still happen to believe at that age, doesn't mean the parents have 'Very Strong Feelings' about being determined to make their children keep their belief in Santa 🙄

I think because it was tremendous fun as a child. The excitement, the anticipation, the joy! There's a brief window in your life when you can really get behind something and enjoy it that much. So much time later for other Christmas traditions, which is great too, but why waste the only time in your life when you can really believe in magic?

Santa is a concept. The man in the red suit is not real, but the gifts he brings and good deeds (to be done to deserve gifts) surely are. In our teens, I and my cousins were presented with the "revelation" that Santa is not real (we knew), and gifts - but not for us, for the younger lot. Because from that Christmas onwards, we were The Santa for them - obviously, their parents and grandparents still bought them (and us) full bags of gifts, but it was our duty to sneak the unaccounted, unexpected small gifts that only could come from Santa. Still do this! Especially with older relatives.

My sister has a 6 year old. I think she's even more invested in Santa than he is! She says that there is so little about childhood that is truly magical, it's really important to keep Santa going for as long as possible. I think she might literally kill her husband if he told the 6 year old the truth

Santa was a huge deal in our family growing up, and I didn't work out the truth until I was 10. That's over 30 years ago mind you. I don't have kids of my own. I know parents who do Santa, and who don't do Santa, and I can totally understand both sides

I would be so upset if my husband told my tiny child that Santa was not real. It's a huge deal in our house and it was when I was a child. It's the utter magic of it, the tradition, it's for such a short period of time and I (and my kids) enjoy every single minute of it. Taking it away, especially at such an early age is just absolutely joyless.

The thing is - Santa is real. Kind of. Or at least he was.
Santa Claus (also known as Father Christmas and various other names around the world) is based on St Nicholas the Patron Saint of children who would give gifts. He existed a long time ago so now parents do the job of getting the gifts.
I always think it's a shame most people don't seem to know this.

'Taking it away, especially at such an early age is just absolutely joyless.'

Yes, if you're going to do Santa in your family, I really don't understand taking it away from the child at such a very young age

It is culturally accepted in UK to go along with Santa.

You do need to tell your little one not to upset other children by saying that Mum and Dad say he's just pretend.

We always down played him but also didn't outright say he didn't exist. Our children had a complicated background, and it doesn't sit right with me that rich kids get loads from him whereas poor ones don't, but 'sending money to Santa' just strikes me as ridiculous personally.

We 'do' santa up until child asks if they are real and after a 'what do you think' confirm their suspicions. Same for the tooth fairy. My children are told they are not allowed to tell other children santa isn't real incase they do believe as its not kind. So far they haven't told anyone 🤣