Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

I would be upset if my child found out by someone else that he wasnt real. My boys are 5.5 and 9 and still believe. Eldest told me his Muslim friend told him he wasnt real, my answer was ‘more fool him’, and that seemed to knock the queries non the head. I just think it’s the most wonderful thing, they come downstairs and are amazed that the mince pie and carrot have been eaten, and love sprinkling reindeer dust out on Christmas Eve. Why spoil something that they love? They find out for themselves eventually

I KNOW the science behind the Northern Lights. I still wish there was actual magic behind them.

I would find it utterly depressing to explain everything factually to very little children. Having a little bit of magic at Christmas makes it so much better.

You move on and do things differently, but the night you start putting presents under the tree when you know your children expect them, and they know all the gifts are from you... it's not the same. I feel sorry for people who missed the early years, you have decades of giving your kids presents from mum and dad, and birthdays etc.

Because the world is shit, ours certainly is, my kids don’t have much, but to have a little magic every year, that just makes the time of year all the more special, I can’t afford much but I do take them to see him (we have the best one locally, so much so that when my daughter got told last year he didn’t exist, she went to see him and came out saying her friend was sooo wrong!) and they get even more excited. My oldest is 9 now and still just about believes though is becoming cynical so I think this is her last year of believing and I’ll be sad when it’s over, but I’m hoping keeping it as our little secret so her sibling can still enjoy it will keep it special.

Nothing compares to the joy I felt at christmas when I believed in Santa. I wanted to give that gift to my kids. Some kids are a bit slower to catch on, or have amazing imaginations and think anything is possible so it's not that unusual for a nearly 10 year old to still believe.
Your kid though so your choice.

It's just a bit of fun. Let kids have their childhood dreams.

Father Christmas was probably the most magical, best part of my childhood, so obviously I wanted to recreate that for my own child.

The window of when they are old enough to properly understand but young enough to still fully believe is really quite short, maybe 5 years or so. I would have been FURIOUS if my DH had told our DD at 3 that he wasn't real. Just furious.

Because life is turgid and dull alot of the time santa is a whimsical construct which little kids can enjoy whole theyre little. You've taken that away why? I really dont get it and I bet whatever you like your child will not remember to not tell others the truth at their age and WILL ruin it for others and that's on you I'm afraid

Your husband would be sleeping in the doghouse if he were mine.

Are there other areas of life where he displays a complete lack of cop on?

Also just wanted to add i'd also be furious with my dh if he'd told the kids this.

He's absolutely fucking ruined it for your kid.

I bet HE believed in Santa though. He had HIS magical childhood dreams. Twat.

. I would have been FURIOUS if my DH had told our DD at 3 that he wasn't real. Just furious.

I don't even understand the reasoning. I get people who don't "do Santa" ever, for whatever reasons, some religious, some not. I don't follow why you suddenly decide to tell them at 3.

we’re always honest with her,
I don't buy that either. Every parent must keep things age appropriate at the very least, so I can't imagine how you would "tell the truth" about everything from birth. You can't be a parent and never lie to your children, even if it's to protect them, even if it's because they don't need to know you are in pain or whatever.

And now the only decent thing to do would be to make damn sure your child doesn't ruin it for others. Which of course would be very difficult for a 3yo to understand and abide by.

I really struggled with lying to my children about Santa. I wish I could have told them the truth but I understood there is an unwritten rule that you do not spoil it for others because they are definitely going to tell their friends. I never said he didn’t exist I just said things like ‘well who brings your presents then’ or ‘I think he must be real what do you think’. It’s all so confusing as people have different versions of Santa. Some Santas collect all the presents from relatives and deliver them, our Santa leaves a stocking and one present. But our PIL one year wrote all the gift tags to x love Santa which completely confused them!!

My DD who was 2.5 at the time was so scared of Santa we had to tell her that Daddy had contacted Santa and asked if he could meet him in the field behind the house and get her present as she was so upset at the thought of him coming in our house she couldn’t sleep. She wouldn’t go near anyone dressed as Santa she was petrified.

We also lived in a couple of other countries where the Christmas traditions are different so must have been very confusing.

I’m just relieved they’re old enough to know the truth and we don’t have to go along with it anymore.

YANBU. I went along with it for my DC because of social pressure I suppose but always said when they asked me directly I wouldn't lie and I didn't.

Some parents seem really over invested in it, and in the whole childhood must be magical thing which I find a bit strange. Your childhood should be safe and happy, it doesn't need to be like Disney! There's also some thinking now around the impact of that on kids when they hit puberty which is hard and messy and not at all magical, and they can't cope with the contrast.

But each to their own I think, if as parents you want to then fine but it's not OK to rage at other parents who don't, or call them 'joyless'.

Just because some children still happen to believe at that age, doesn't mean the parents have 'Very Strong Feelings' about being determined to make their children keep their belief in Santa 🙄

The responses on mumsnet on the threads I was reading were very strong. I said in my original message that I was sad he’d told my daughter Santa wasn’t real, so I obviously don’t think the concept of Santa counts as a very strong feeling.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria?

The Santa hysteria?

I wonder what your own memories of Christmas are like if you need a bunch of people online to explain to you how much magic and joy Christmas and the belief in Santa brings to a child.

I think to take that experience away from a child who is only 3 and a half is really sad.

Santa is real in our house. Not the man coming down the chimney. But the whole idea of kindness, doing something for other people while expecting nothing in return, fun etc.

ButvI think people do other think it a bit. Christmas would still be fun without Santa. Birthdays are still fun even though you know who got you a present. You can still have stockings and sleigh bells and carols and gingerbread.

Ok, a few things. I said I was sad he’d told her the truth, I’m not joyless and we’re not a family who ‘tells the truth no matter what’. My husband simply didn’t know that Santa was a special case we should try to spin out a bit longer.

I also have no problem with kids of any age believing in Santa. Once again, this isn’t a WHY DO YOU LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN thread. Santa is great.

What I want to know is why people feel especially aggrieved about Santa, and not other make believe beings?

The majority of the responses here haven’t at all convinced me that people do not have very strong feelings about Santa.

I’ve been called Joyless, miserable and aggressive for asking a question.

I think it probably does come down to one's experiences as a child.

I'd be interested to know if there's anybody out there who had Santa visit when they were a child, and who believed in him until a decent age themselves, and took joy from it, who has somehow decided not to partake in it for their own children?

Its like telling a child that making a wish when they blow out their birthday candles is ridiculous fantasy. It’s just plain mean spirited.

it’s just one of those things that makes childhood more magical and instills a sense of wonder and hope. It’s also one of the few lessons left where children can appreciate having something that other kids aren’t automatically getting. They do notice themselves that children of other religions don’t do Santa and not everyone gets the same when they’re discussing it at school.

My husband simply didn’t know that Santa was a special case we should try to spin out a bit longer.

I don't for a second believe that's accurate. I mean be honest here you're saying he didn't know that it's not normal to tell a 3 year old Santa isn't real? Of course he did.

I don't have strong feelings either way. My kids no longer believe (one never did) but we all still play along because pretending is part of the magic. I don't think you need to 'believe' to enjoy the fun

My children are 9 & 15, the 15 year old never swallowed the story the 9 year old did for a short time. They attend education/have friends from multiple faiths /cultures and none of us have yet to be traumatised by our lack of belief in Santa.

They were well versed in "you believe what you believe I believe what I believe". Children quite readily accept different strokes for different folks. It is the adults that need to learn this in my experience.

Over the years it always baffled me that the same parents will wring their hands about Santa yet hand a smart phone to a 7 year old.

OP you will get largely hysterical ‘You have ruined childhood innocence and Ended the Joy of Christmas, You Bitch’ on here, probably with a side order of ‘It’s FATHER CHRISTMAS — ‘Santa’ is for chavs and Americans’.

Meanwhile, in the real world, most children, unless they grow up in very monocultural places, are around friends or neighbours or classmates who are either from cultures where Christmas presents are brought by someone entirely different, often on a different date, or who are from backgrounds where they don’t celebrate Christmas at all, so they’ve had at most a ‘Some people believe..’ approach from an early age.

We never did ‘Santa/FC is literally real’ thing with DS, but that never stopped us doing all the ritual of letters, grotto visits, leaving out a mince pie etc, and he still adores Christmas now, aged 11. To the point that he watches the Christmas Chronicles films in summer.

Absolutely.

My 4 year old daughter asked me multiple times 'but is that true', 'are you telling the truth', 'does that really happen' when reading a book about Santa. I tried to faff it off at first but she was looking me straight in the eye and genuinely asking. I told her it's not true but a special story we tell around Christmas, i thought it would be better than lying to her as it felt like such a pertinent moment and i wasn't expecting her to ask at such an age. She's also asked about the Easter bunny and tooth fairy(she hasn't even lost a tooth) and she now knows both aren't real. I honestly don't think it's diminished any magic for her and she seemed glad to get to the bottom of it...