Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

Santa is not a term we use, far too chavtastic

Ding ding ding! Who had Sept 22nd? Before Halloween, surely a record setter.

OP, Santa is fun. A little bit of magic in the grimness of winter.

At 3.5 she won't remember or understand and it'll be easy to row back if you change your mind. I separated my 4yo's books into fiction and non fiction and had a few weeks of "Mum, you put Peppa in the not real section!", "Mum you put Bluey in the not real section!" etc on and on and on. Their understanding of real and not real is, err, fluid at that age.

What I want to know is why people feel especially aggrieved about Santa, and not other make believe beings?

what other make believe are there? The tooth fairy, but aside from that?

We didn't do the whole 'Santa brings presents/a present' thing, nor did we do crazy misbehaving elves, the tooth fairy, or any other random made up thing.
I honestly don't feel like my child missed out in any way, he still got gifts, he still got surprises, he loved Christmas as much as the next child. He was aware of the stories around Christmas, the nativity, St Nicholas, Rudolph etc., but we presented them as magical fairy stories, and not as something real. Even from an early age he understood the idea that some people believe in certain things and some people believe in other things, and so had no issue with friends who did believe in Santa (or anything else for that matter). I think if people chose to do 'the Santa thing' that's up to them, no judgement here, but we just felt we didn't want to. As a child my mum did 'the Santa thing', but when an older sibling revealed to me that he wasn't real I was quite relieved - even at an early age I used to wonder just how it was all physically possible. I also appreciated every gift, that my parents worked hard to give me, even more. Of course children can appreciate gifts 'from Santa too', this is just my experience.

To be honest I think Santa and Christmas generally is not really a great thing for children. I noticed it last Christmas when my DS turned 2.

They get hyped up for weeks with different routines and structures - things like no afternoon lessons to practice the nativity play - late nights, over excited about a magical man who will bring them what they want and woe betide any child who questions it - adjectives like joyless and sad faces and obsession with magical. Sugary, rich food, too much TV and general chaos. AND my DS has a mid December birthday so times it by two! I don’t mean that left to my own devices I wouldn’t enjoy a hot chocolate Christmas Eve and a couple of presents Christmas Day but I honestly think the whole thing is ridiculous.

There is nothing magical about consumerism and making a huge profit for Tesco or Morrisons, which (sorry) is what FC is about in the developed world anyway. There IS magic in the fact that when the world is at its darkest and coldest, new life is all around us. We just can’t see it. Step outside at 6 am on a December morning and you’ll hear birdsong. Then in January you’ll see snowdrops followed by the crocuses and the daffodils and a whole array of spring flowers, the may blossom and the shimmering beauty of midsummer, then the blackberries and the squirrels everywhere and then autumn leaves and a few misty mornings and frosts again. That’s the magic I like, myself.

My family was quite devout Catholic and Santa wasn't part of our family Christmas growing up. I'm not religious now and we do Santa for our little ones now but once they ask about it, I won't lie about it or try to convince them to believe something they don't believe is true anymore. I know what you mean though - some of my friends are positively militant about making sure their kids "still believe", I expect because it was a big part of their childhood Christmas and part of them wishes they could still believe in it themselves. For me, it's fun while they're little and I probably wouldn't tell them it's make believe until they ask, but I won't be heartbroken when they work it out.

Those flipping Elves......

On a more serious note, so people may see a god/goddess/guru type figure as make believe too.

I felt the same. Those few years of childhood when I truly believed in the magic of Father Christmas compare to nothing else in terms of excitement and pure wonder. I'd never want to deprive my children of this, there's nothing else quite like it.

In the real word in our culture, it's more common than you pretend that children to believe in Santa....

YOU never did it, that's your choice. It's disingenuous to pretend you reflect the majority of the country..

What was your experience of Father Christmas growing up? I guess it wasn’t a major element of your Christmas celebrations growing up. That’s fine but at 3.5 year old you could have managed the conversation differently.

I believed in Santa and found Christmas exciting. I don’t understand why everyone has ignored the part where my partner told her and I was sad!!

I never believed in Santa as I didn’t believe in magic and I had an inaccessible fireplace so I knew no one was coming down my chimney.

I’ll be presenting Santa as a story to my kids, not as a real person.

Well, lots of people don't make a big deal over imaginary play @separableRogueries. For years I indulged my children's insistence that they could see unicorns and they were ACTUALLY Spider-Man. I didn't crush their imagination by insisting they weren't, at 3.

We didn't have any conversations about God, but we did as they got older - we are not religious so to us, God is imaginary. I didn't want my children growing up thinking God can solve all your problems. I also didn't want them thinking Father Christmas can bring you everything you ever wanted, so I was very careful in how we talked about him - you ask, but there's thousands of things that need sharing across all children.

I don't think it's hysteria, I think it's just a really nice piece of childhood that makes Christmas all the more magical for small children and their families.

The elf goes in the Santa Pack 😂

But more seriously too, you don't see many threads of people smugly announcing other parents are "hysterical" for teaching their children about Jesus, or Allah. When you don't believe, you don't make an official announcement to the child that God(s) don't exist, and you don't start a thread about it!

None of my kids believed in Santa and I never encouraged them to. They used to do lots of imaginative make-believe play and Santa was just one of the things they played at. We'd do cookies for him and make jokes about him not bringing presents if they were naughty, but it was just playing.
I don't see how that's any less fun than believing him to be real. Never crossed my mind to pretend he was real.
If they had friends that believed in Santa, they would just play along.
My kids Christmases were no less magical than any other kids .

Why are you in such a hurry to turn your child in to an adult? Did your partner not have a happy childhood full of magic and mysteries? How sad.

No, he didn’t. Your ‘how sad’ implies his shit parents are somehow his fault.

I think it's because of your post. You don't come across as that sad when you are mocking other parents and talk about the" horror of being told the Truth".

First there's no hysteria, but if you were really sad, you would get it?

Absolutely.

I read it as your initial reaction being sad, because you quite enjoyed the whole Santa being real 'thing', but also overall not that upset because you don't really understand why it's such a big issue to know Santa isn't real. Things can be enjoyed even if we know they are not real.

If I am missing the mark entirely, apologies.

It wouldn't bother me for my 3 year old to know Santa isn't real. I feel uncomfortable making a big deal about him and pretending he exists when he doesn't. We still visited Santa's grotto (DC was terrified) but we've seen people in Peppa Pig costumes / Disney princesses etc - I have no idea if DC thinks Santa is different to other costumed people.

My Mum is really in to Santa and really wants my DC to believe. I won't broach the subject with DC until they bring it up, but when they do I'll just tell them. I have friends who took a similar approach and I don't think their children ever really believed.

I don't remember being any less excited as a child on my birthday when presents came from my parents vs Christmas when they supposedly came from Santa (and I did believe). Christmas was magical because of Christingle, presents, family, good food, crackers, pantomime... All the family rituals. Santa was a tiny part of that.

Christmas is the main celebration in the UK, and Santa has a clear role, so I think it makes sense that Santa matters more to people than unicorns or dragons.

I've always struggled to understand the widespread lying that goes on around this. Isn't much nicer to know you mum, dad, relatives and friends like you enough to want to buy you a present?

......don't be giving bored trolls any ideas.......🤐

What do you mean Santa isn't real?

My dc1 when he was 8 told his aunt (my sister) that he didn't believe in Santa, Jesus or dragons. Those things are just myths. But, not to tell mom and dad because we think he's real and he didn't want to upset us.

Which would explain his besumed expression at his Santa visit the year before. Didn't refuse the toy though or the day out and activities.

He asked when he was around 6. We were vague and said that Santa lives with all the other magic in the world and it was up to him to choose whether he believed in Santa and Christmas magic anymore.

It's a difficult one. You dont want to crush them and at the same I dont want to lie to him. Now that he's older we just play along and he still gets a Santa present and stocking. He plays back. We now have a baby so Christmas magic will be back full tinsel and snowflake farts!

Where Im from Christmas is the season of joy. END OF. It must be enjoyed, embraced and shat out at every turn.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS for the non-deminational and MERRY CHRISTMAS to the rest.

What other make believe are there? The tooth fairy, but aside from that?

A non exhaustive list:

Unicorns
Witches / wizards
Magic
Ghosts / spirits
Fortune telling
Dragons
Gods (many thousands)
Monsters
Fairies / Trolls / Goblins / Pixies

I honestly have no opinion on how other people do things.

I can tell you that MY Christmases for my kids would have been a hell of a lot less special without a sprinkle of Santa and magical stories. Christmases are not the same now they know I am getting presents out of their hiding place to put them under the tree. We're happy, they have to grow up, it's fine, but the younger years with the magic and the excitement was something else.

Meeting the REAL Father Christmas, not one of the helpers disguised as Santa, was something truly magical.

They are off pre-school/ school at Christmas, so little ones really don't compare notes with others about their Christmas, the little differences really don't matter.

I am 70. I still believed in Father Christmas when I was 12, believe it or not, different times and children were innocent much longer, thanks to no internet. Every Christmas was magical!
I'd be very annoyed with my DH if he did that!

Isn't much nicer to know you mum, dad, relatives and friends like you enough to want to buy you a present?

I guess that depends how you manage presents from Santa. When I was young, and for my children, Santa brought one medium gift (board game, scooter or something similar), and quite a few smaller items (bubble bath, tube of smarties etc). We still got presents from parents, relatives etc.

The magic of Santa for me wasn't how big the presents from him were, but more about the fact that he existed at all - It was so exciting to look into the sky the night before to see if we could see his sleigh, to see if Rudolph had eaten the carrot left for him, and to fumble about in the dark to see if presents had been left at the end of the bed yet. Truly magical.