Why are parents so keen on Santa?

[separableRogueries]

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

I don't get it either. DS asked 2 years ago when he was 5 if FC was actually just me and DH. So I said yes and not to tell his friends and sister in case it spoils anything.

He still gets a stocking, he still has fun Christmases.

No big deal at all.

Children love using their imaginations and that’s an extremely important part of childhood. My 4 year old thinks his panda teddies actually talk to him and I’m not going to sit him down and tell him that no, your panda isn’t waking you up at 6 am because it’s cute he thinks that’s the case.

I promise my daughter has lots of imaginative play and that we don’t sit her down and tell her everything in her imagination isn’t real. But when she asks ‘is x real?’ we tell her yes or no. Or, in the case of dinosaurs, ‘they used to be real but they don’t exist anymore’. She seems to appreciate the honestly tbh and it doesn’t stop her making up stories about dinosaurs and dragons.

@BreakTheChain
When I was growing up (70's/80's in Scotland) Halloween was actually quite popular. People went round the doors, or to parties, dressed up - we called 'guising'. The difference when then compared to now is that you actually did something when someone opened the door - recited a poem or song, danced, did a wee magic trick or something, and the costumes were mostly home-made/cobbled together instead of purchased in Asda or online! We didn't really go out, but a lot of my friends did and it was mostly a good innocent time. There was no aspect of 'trick or treat' either, if someone didn't answer the door folk mostly just accepted it and moved on. People carved neeps (the purple/yellow turnips that many south of the border call swedes!) and not pumpkins. The American idea of Halloween is over-commercialised and a bit grabby imho.

YANBU but as you can see from
some of the responses on here, Santa is the one true religion that you must maintain at all costs lest you “ruin the magic”.

There is no more devoted a faithful than those who believe that Christmas can only be enjoyed if you pretend that all the presents (which, let’s face it, is what kids actually want) were delivered by a jolly man in a red suit.

If you do not follow this religion you are a GRINCH who wants your children (and others, as your child will inevitably spill the beans) to lose an essential part of childhood.

I don’t need a man in a red suit to make my kids’ Christmas special.

This 💯

We never had a chimney so I knew Santa couldn't be real, but it was fun to pretend, and the fun ends once anyone admits he's not real.

Most kids know the truth much earlier than parents realise but simply play along.
Santa can be as much for the parents, if not more. Look how keen many parents are to plaster their Facebook page with Santa and child photos. Then they come on here to complain about the price and the quality of gift.

I'm with you OP in not really getting the whole Santa thing. I never believed as my elder sister made a point of informing me that it was a lie as soon as I was old enough to be told about Santa. She had been annoyed about being lied to so wasn't letting me believe. I never thought I had missed out on anything, I got as excited about Christmas as all my friends but I did feel a bit superior by the time we reached 8 or 9 and some still obviously believed but I knew the truth.
With my own DC I decided not to confirm or deny anything, they heard about Santa from many different sources, other relatives TV etc and I realised they wanted to believe so I went along with it, leaving out mince pies and carrots on Christmas eve etc but I never pushed talking about it and was led by them. When they eventually asked questions I answered honestly. I'm not sure if they ever fully believed but they certainly enjoyed the fun of it all in just the same way as they would playing any imaginary game.
I have long held the view that Santa is as much for the adults who enjoy fooling the children into believing and that is why some are annoyed that their fun is cut short when the child learns the truth at a very young age.

What’s wrong with that? Obviously the plastic tat, spending too much, social media etc isn’t ideal, but the pretending they don’t know? Who cares? I have never asked my parents to this day if Santa is real or not so I guess I’m still pretending I don’t know. It’s fun! Lighten up!

Well, lots of people don't make a big deal over imaginary play @separableRogueries. For years I indulged my children's insistence that they could see unicorns and they were ACTUALLY Spider-Man. I didn't crush their imagination by insisting they weren't, at 3.

I don’t understand why so many people have assumed I shit on my daughters imaginary play. When she specifically asks if something is real she gets told the truth, but then continues to make up stories about them, and we all have a great time playing along. I think people do their little kids a disservice assuming that they really believe all their imaginary play is real. They’re smart!

❤

each to their own, you reduce Christmas to "getting presents", I stick with the magic and the time of good will.

Posters who don't "do Santa" seem incredibly angry and bitter about the whole thing. It's odd, protesting a bit too hard it seems.

At the end of the day, children will know eventually, you will have decades of Christmases knowing the truth. You can never get the lack of magic in the younger years back.

But @separableRogueries why are you so mad about it? Is someone pestering you to do the whole Santa thing? They shouldn’t be. And you shouldn’t encourage others not to. ??

Imaginary play IS imaginary, that's why it's called...imaginary 😂

From my perspective, it gives children a little bit of joy in an often joyless world.

For most children, they will grow up to be critical thinkers, able to to identify good v bad lies and give them a lifetime of happy memories.

But it is a very dangerous road to take by using the position of never lying to your child.

Your child is still very young and you will encounter a multitude of times in which it is more appropriate to tell a little lie rather than the truth as we adults all know, the world is not as clear cut as that.

I don’t get it either OP. My family didn’t “do” Santa and we don’t do it with our children either. They easily understand not to tell other children, I wouldn’t worry about that!

Telling people to 'lighten' up just because you think something is fun, is a bit, um, well, rude.
I am glad you enjoy it.
I bet you probably don't enjoy some of the things I find fun.
I can accept that without telling you to 'lighten up'.

Do you tell her to respect other people's beliefs and not go telling everyone else?

It’s Father Christmas in our house, not Santa. We’re not Americans.

If you don't get the magic, OP, then I'm not sure that we can explain it to you 😚. Some things are either felt or they're not.

@DoubleTequilaSunrise
'Posters who don't "do Santa" seem incredibly angry and bitter about the whole thing. It's odd, protesting a bit too hard it seems.'

Angry and bitter are quite extreme words, but tbh I don't see one 'side' being either of those more than the other. If anything it's those who 'do' Santa who seem to be protesting a bit too hard, one poster even telling us to 'lighten up'.

You do you, I'll do me, for want of a better phrase!

I’m honestly not sure how we’re going to broach this, our DD is 2.5 and I’m always honest with her, if she asks me something I tell her, I never make up fake reasons for things even if it means a tantrum, but I love Christmas & don’t want the magic to be over for her until she’s at least 7/8/9 sort of age! I think also 3.5 is too young to be able to ‘keep’ the secret so could lead to problems and confusion! I think Santa may have to be the secrets ‘exception’.

Do/did you tell your children the same when you were telling them Santa was real?

My younger kids are 7&8 since younger I told them santa is not real. Their father tells them he is real.

My reason for telling them santa is not real is for my own selfish reasons . I really struggle to get the what they want. It's extremely stressful. They have a Disney dad who does just the fun stuff does not actually parent them. So I want some credit.

Another reason is because there are kids who get very little. I don't want my kids saying things like santa got me an xbox for example.

Kids where I grew up having been saying Santa for a long time. None of us are American.