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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are parents so keen on Santa?

247 replies

separableRogueries · 22/09/2023 14:23

Posting from the UK.

My husband told our 3.5 yo that Santa isn’t real. She’s previously asked whether various other things were real (unicorns, monsters etc), and we’re always honest with her, so he didn’t realise Santa might be special).

I was a bit bummed because I quite enjoy the whole Santa thing, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world. I told some friends and one said she would be really upset if her partner did that, and another told me to expect a message from my daughter’s nursery if she mentions it today. I checked mumsnet and found parents of 8 and 9 year olds (!!!!!) agonising over whether to tell them The Truth, and it seems that many parents have Very Strong Feelings about Santa.

My question is, AITA for not understanding the Santa hysteria? Why is Santa held on a pedestal over, say, unicorns and God? My daughter LOVES unicorns and dragons, and knows that they’re not real. And nobody has side-eyed me for telling her that we don’t go to church because we (her parents) don’t believe in God.

Do parents of faiths who don’t celebrate Christmas warn their kids to never discuss Santa at nursery in the UK?

Would love to know your thoughts (and hopefully find at least one parent who doesn’t gasp in horror at a 3.5 yo knowing The Truth 😅)

OP posts:
Tryingmybestadhd · 22/09/2023 19:30

BankMum · 22/09/2023 16:09

I have a real problem with telling children that Santa/Father Christmas is real. Encouraging supernatural beliefs and discouraging children from critical thinking is just not a great way to set them up for the rest of their lives. It's also not great to set up a pretty big lie perpetuated by all the grownups in their lives. I think it's confusing for children when they are very little and when they geet a bit older, it paves the way for general credulity and distrust of authority figures.

From a child's perspective - If I can believe in santa, why not the tooth fairy, or fairies or ghosts? Equally, if mum and dad lied to me for years about santa, what else might they lie to me about?

In my house, Father Christmas is part of many of the lovely stories we have around christmas and part of the celebrations, but stories are not real life. The joy and "magic" comes from the decorations, food, family gatherings, presents, films, music, stories etc.

I think you will find it’s probably the opposite . Imagination is absolutely something that helps develop critical thinking . As a mum to a very advanced gifted 7 year old ( she is 4 years ahead her peers academically) , her imagination is amazing and she chooses to believe in Santa .When most of the humans on earth choose to believe in some god , do you really think believing in Santa will stop critical thinking ?

autienotnaughty · 22/09/2023 19:35

Christmas and Santa is a big part of UK culture. That's why it's so important over unicorns etc. We like what we know and we are suspicious of anything different.

NoKnit · 22/09/2023 20:02

Haha at 3.5 your child is going to have forgotten Santa's isn't real by next week so I wouldn't worry

lanthanum · 22/09/2023 20:22

My husband was furious when he discovered his parents had been lying to him about Santa. So DD has always known Santa is not real. She understood that lots of children think he is, and knew to play along at nursery and school. The first time she let slip, she was about 9, and the mum of the child concerned reckoned he'd probably worked it out anyway, and she was just confirming his suspicions.

WillowCraft · 22/09/2023 20:28

AlltheFs · 22/09/2023 14:41

What a miserable and joyless way to live. You aren’t a family I’d want my DD associating with.

There is no hysteria about Father Christmas (Santa is not a term we use, far too chavtastic) but there is magic in Christmas that I want to preserve.

Why are you in such a hurry to turn your child in to an adult? Did your partner not have a happy childhood full of magic and mysteries? How sad.

Chavtastic? Ick. Wouldn't want my children mixing with yours!

WillowCraft · 22/09/2023 20:33

Tryingmybestadhd · 22/09/2023 19:30

I think you will find it’s probably the opposite . Imagination is absolutely something that helps develop critical thinking . As a mum to a very advanced gifted 7 year old ( she is 4 years ahead her peers academically) , her imagination is amazing and she chooses to believe in Santa .When most of the humans on earth choose to believe in some god , do you really think believing in Santa will stop critical thinking ?

Show quote history

A child using their imagination isn't the same as parents lying to them. They are 2 completely different things.

Imagination is made up things. If you tell your young child Santa is real, it is the same as telling them the queen is real. They aren't using imagination, they are learning a fact that you are telling them. Whereas when a child makes up stories they know it isn't real.

Also religion definitely does inhibit critical thinking, not for all believers but for a good proportion

Notpooryet · 22/09/2023 20:35

YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 14:33

I mean I'd be cross with the pragmatic I must always tell the truth approach to be honest. She's 3 what's wrong with her having a bit of magic and make believe in her life. She's got decades ahead of her to realise it's not all fairytales so why not indulge her for a bit in some lovely stories.

Edited

There is plenty of children's fiction around without lying about real life.

Notpooryet · 22/09/2023 20:38

autienotnaughty · 22/09/2023 19:35

Christmas and Santa is a big part of UK culture. That's why it's so important over unicorns etc. We like what we know and we are suspicious of anything different.

Speak for yourself. I don't need Santa and nor did my DSs, we told them the legend of St Nicholas the generous Bishop. Pointing out that it was just a nice story about a kind person
As for the pp saying she wouldn't want her children to associate with non believers, how utterly precious and ridiculous.

Revolutionfrommybed · 22/09/2023 20:45

I think it’s really sad that some parents don’t let their kids believe in the magic of Father Christmas.

thegreylady · 22/09/2023 22:31

If you want your children to grow up with a smidgeon of magic alongside the commonplace, the mundane and the hard truths of adult life then you could do worse than allowing them Santa ;who can develop so that children can learn that Santa gives when you are very small and as you grow older you begin to help Santa with the little ones and eventually you grow up and pass on the very real magic of the stories and traditions we learnt from.
Not all children are brought up like this but it does no harm .
I am nearly 80 and there is a corner of me that believes in magic, fairies, elves and ,of course Santa.

GuardiansPlayList · 22/09/2023 22:37

Father Christmas

ColleenDonaghy · 22/09/2023 22:59

GuardiansPlayList · 22/09/2023 22:37

Father Christmas

What about him.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 22/09/2023 23:07

Is your DH british? I find it hard to believe that he didnt think it was a big deal. I just think its sad that you now wont be able to enjoy the magic that is of a 3 and a half year old and christmas. Also Im curious, i cant imagine that a child that age would ask if Santa is real? (they wouldnt ask that) so your husband just told them for no reason? How odd....... (How mean)

mathanxiety · 23/09/2023 02:18

Agree, @Strictlyfanoftenyears

Children of this age do not ask questions like that.

Splat92 · 23/09/2023 04:54

Honestly I don't get the whole Christmas isn't magic unless you have Santa thing.

My parents made the decision to tell us the truth when we questioned it, which I did at a very young age. I don't actually remember believing he existed but I LOVED everything about Christmas and I could never imagine that believing in Santa would make a difference to my enjoyment of it.

I did the same thing with my own kids which meant around age 4 for my older 2 kids and probably about 6 or 7 for my youngest. I just told them that they weren't to tell anyone else as some people had parents that wanted them to think he was real. One of them did express that they would much rather have been told than have us continue to tell them something that wasn't real.

Perhaps it makes a difference that we are very much a maths/science oriented family and not all that creative.

MariaVT65 · 23/09/2023 05:09

Splat92 · 23/09/2023 04:54

Honestly I don't get the whole Christmas isn't magic unless you have Santa thing.

My parents made the decision to tell us the truth when we questioned it, which I did at a very young age. I don't actually remember believing he existed but I LOVED everything about Christmas and I could never imagine that believing in Santa would make a difference to my enjoyment of it.

I did the same thing with my own kids which meant around age 4 for my older 2 kids and probably about 6 or 7 for my youngest. I just told them that they weren't to tell anyone else as some people had parents that wanted them to think he was real. One of them did express that they would much rather have been told than have us continue to tell them something that wasn't real.

Perhaps it makes a difference that we are very much a maths/science oriented family and not all that creative.

Absolutely agree with this. Christmas is much more than believing in magic, which we never did. Yes presents are nice, but it’s also about having a nice day with your family, and the joy it generally brings an otherwise dull winter.

ChillysWaterBottle · 23/09/2023 06:11

Christmas was absolutely my favourite time of year as a kid, utterly magical and exciting and I still love it now. I never believed Santa was real, it was always just playing/part of the festivities. People can do Xmas however they want but I find people's hysterical obsession with their children not finding out really weird. I wouldn't deliberately go up to a child and tell them Santa wasn't real anymore than I'd go up to a religious child and tell them their god wasn't real, but nor am I particularly bothered if they get told. It shouldn't spoil anything if you're doing Xmas right and you can't control other people especially other children.

JMSA · 23/09/2023 06:13

I can't imagine ever being this joyless.
YABU.

DappledThings · 23/09/2023 06:46

JMSA · 23/09/2023 06:13

I can't imagine ever being this joyless.
YABU.

Totally proving OP's point about how obsessive people are about Father Christmas. So a Christmas that involves presents, food, playing, decorations and chocolate and all of that is "joyless" just because a child figured out there isn't an imaginary man bringing some of those presents?

Why does that one detail make it "joyless"?

OnAir · 23/09/2023 06:50

People believe in 900 genders now. Kids are being taught this I don't see how Father Christmas is much different.

DutchCowgirl · 23/09/2023 07:11

At 3.5 a kid might just forget or don’t want to believe that you said Santa is not real. I often overheard “discussions “ between children about the existing of Santa and at that age they are not that easily to convince.

We told it our eldest when he was 8, but he said he had known for years that it wasn’t real, he was just afraid he wouldn’t get any presents anymore if he told us he didn’t believe anymore…
My youngest believed untill he was 6, but he already had his doubts, he figured it out himself.

3Tunes · 23/09/2023 07:14

Good question, OP. I’ve often wondered the same.

For some people I think it’s about re-creating their lovingly-remembered childhood Christmases, which makes sense.

For others, I think it can slide into ‘my parenting is better than yours’ territory - some of the comments strongly imply that those of us who don’t do ‘magic’ like Father Christmas or Elf on the Shelf or new traditions like Christmas Eve boxes are depriving our children of something important. I feel able to ignore them, as I ignore other comments on my parenting from people who don’t know me or my DC.

Allofthisisasimulation · 23/09/2023 08:31

Splat92 · 23/09/2023 04:54

Honestly I don't get the whole Christmas isn't magic unless you have Santa thing.

My parents made the decision to tell us the truth when we questioned it, which I did at a very young age. I don't actually remember believing he existed but I LOVED everything about Christmas and I could never imagine that believing in Santa would make a difference to my enjoyment of it.

I did the same thing with my own kids which meant around age 4 for my older 2 kids and probably about 6 or 7 for my youngest. I just told them that they weren't to tell anyone else as some people had parents that wanted them to think he was real. One of them did express that they would much rather have been told than have us continue to tell them something that wasn't real.

Perhaps it makes a difference that we are very much a maths/science oriented family and not all that creative.

'Perhaps it makes a difference that we are very much a maths/science oriented family and not all that creative.'

I have a science background, but am also very creative. I didn't feel the need to lie about Santa. It really is a myth that not doing Santa means you don't have an imagination or or not creative, because actually most of the Santa thing is a drip feed pre-constructed idea! If people want to do Santa that's fine - accusing others of 'having no imagination' or 'not allowing their children use their imagination' if they don't 'do' Santa, as many posters on here have done, is just ridiculous!

Allofthisisasimulation · 23/09/2023 08:33

JMSA · 23/09/2023 06:13

I can't imagine ever being this joyless.
YABU.

You might not be able to imagine it, but your comment alone has just shown you can actually be 'this' joyless, in that you have judged everyone else's ability to enjoy their Christmas based entirely on it being enjoyed in the same way as yours.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/09/2023 08:42

I was ‘so keen’ because when I was a child, the excitement of knowing that Father Christmas was coming made Christmas so magical, and I wanted the same for my dds.
And if asked, I know dd1 would say the same about her own dcs.