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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 22/09/2023 10:25

It’s not ideal but I wonder whether his dad pressured him and he felt obliged because he’s living in their house.
Just ask him why.

BumBurnerBum · 22/09/2023 10:26

So he booked a dirprise weekend for you both and now doesn't want to go with you?? I'd be annoyed after arranging child and pet care and would honestly reconsider this relationship.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:27

He obviously wants to talk to his Dad about something or maybe there's something going on with his Dad and they want to spend time together.
If this is a one off let it go.

Olika · 22/09/2023 10:28

Ask him so you don't have to wonder.

Whatifitallgoesright · 22/09/2023 10:28

That's shit of him. Very rude and selfish. You are not on his priority list. I'd advise ending it completely because I don't see how he can explain himself here. He's a dick.

Garihairy · 22/09/2023 10:30

he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties

Beware the man who blames his ex for whatever. That might not be the case here, but just be aware that this is a potential red flag.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2023 10:37

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:27

He obviously wants to talk to his Dad about something or maybe there's something going on with his Dad and they want to spend time together.
If this is a one off let it go.

Are you fucking joking? If there is something going on with his Dad or he wants to talk to his dad about something, he can see his Dad any time he likes rather than deciding to take his Dad on the surprise weekend away he had booked for him and his girlfriend to attend a special event she'd been really excited about and had booked childcare for etc.

Also, initially he told her he was going to go alone - WTF? Who the fuck books weekend away for their partner and then, last minute, says 'Actually, you can stay home because I'd rather go without you?'

OP, you haven't been together for very long, you don't see each other very often because of the distance anyway, and I suspect there are all sorts of things that he's been hiding from you because he is essentially living an entirely separate life when he's not with you. This isn't really a proper relationship, in all honesty, and I think you should end it.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2023 10:40

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/09/2023 10:25

It’s not ideal but I wonder whether his dad pressured him and he felt obliged because he’s living in their house.
Just ask him why.

If I was dating a grown man who was so spineless that he couldn't say no to his Dad's request to replace his girlfriend on a surprise weekend away that he had booked for her, I would end that relationship.

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:42

I would dump him.

Its disrespectful.
He has alternatives and could have planned another trip with his dad.
He has let you down significantly and embarrassed you. He is not reliable.

Fuck that. You can do better.

BluebellsForest · 22/09/2023 10:43

If you tolerate this, you'll be at risk of tolerating being a second or third choice option forever. Bin.

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:44

Wouldnt be surprised if he has spaffed his cash and cant afford it and dad is bailing him out on the condition he gets something from it.

DowntonCrabby · 22/09/2023 10:45

Throw him back OP, you deserve better Flowers

Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 10:45

Maybe he is sponging off his df and feels bad spending on your trip so took df instead.

MNetcurtains · 22/09/2023 10:48

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:44

Wouldnt be surprised if he has spaffed his cash and cant afford it and dad is bailing him out on the condition he gets something from it.

This

MNetcurtains · 22/09/2023 10:48

Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 10:45

Maybe he is sponging off his df and feels bad spending on your trip so took df instead.

Or this. Either way, he's bring a dick.

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 10:49

There is no other way to take this. Forget about his father, that's a red herring

"I think you are wonderful and I want to treat you to a romantic weekend, please book the babysitter"
"I want to go alone, you can't come"

What guy would turn down very probable sex? None. He's got someone else lined up.

Ditch him OP, you will never be a priority.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:51

@ManateeFair what....you've never had a situation come up with a parent that they really need to spend some time with you so plans change?
There could be 1001 reasons.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 10:56

He’s just not that into you.

Please - ensure your contraception is water tight.

AngelinaFibres · 22/09/2023 10:57

BluebellsForest · 22/09/2023 10:43

If you tolerate this, you'll be at risk of tolerating being a second or third choice option forever. Bin.

This a million times. You can do better. Raise the bar a very long way.

Tinkerbyebye · 22/09/2023 10:57

I wouldn’t be staying with him. He booked and to,d you you were coming then lied about taking his dada

find someone better

NewbieSM · 22/09/2023 11:00

Nah bin him off, how thoughtless and selfish is he?! HE invited YOU and then you made child and pet care arrangements to suit and he's now disinvited you and taking his Dad instead? Unless he has some serious mitigating circumstances I would wish him well and then ghost, what a class A prick.

AngelinaFibres · 22/09/2023 11:01

No 28 year old man turns down guaranteed sex to go away alone/ with his dad. He's got another woman . If you drive past his dad's house when he is supposedly away I dare say you will see him clear as day.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:01

Mumsnet really is man hatting isn't it?
Poor guy - if the OP dumps him I think he's had a good escape 😂

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/09/2023 11:01

“So you booked a special weekend away for us, then you told me not to come, and now you’re going with your dad? Is there any explanation for this or are you just being a dick ?”

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:03

@AtrociousCircumstance exactly - she needs to ask him. Talk to him. Not just declare "he's a bastard" !