To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

[DeepDishCookie78]

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

Well done to you just read you dumped him and stay strong and you will feel better in yourself as he is just playing mind games and you are worth so much more.

God how do sone of these ball-breaker, man-hating women on here ever become mums? This used to be a support network for a bit of fun and support for each other.
when did it turn into a website where sowing the seeds if doubt in women’s minds happen?
Come on girls where’s the support and female camaraderie?
Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves…grow up ffs

So she’s suppose to give him the benefit of the doubt after he blocked her.

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:44

Wouldnt be surprised if he has spaffed his cash and cant afford it and dad is bailing him out on the condition he gets something from it.

This !!! Only This makes sense frankly

Well u might be having a little walk in the ex’s shoes right now and no surprise it’s sacked off. Then the perfect alibi for limiting his life prospects making her the perfect scapegoat . Pulling the rug from under you is the surprise part of the weekend ? This guy gets to be in your head also living rent as well as his parents free from any commitments even to a weekend away. You know u let the bar slip too low but its going back up and no excuses slip through.

God how do sone of these ball-breaker, man-hating women on here ever become mums?

Maybe by choosing decent men as partners?

🤷🏻‍♀️

I just read the updates and well done OP I think you have been an inspiration in trusting your self to make the best decision for your mental well being. I wish you all the stability security and peace of mind that listening to your inner guide will bring you. With regards keep creating your tool box of tricks to deal with your nervous system. For me magnesium really helped and passionflower supplement and lots of other elements learn’t along the way . Anxiety is mentally exhausting so well done for not caving in and keep that promise to your self 💪🏻

He's mugging you off.

Remember, it's about you not him.
Dumping him was the right thing imo, sooner rather than later.

Interesting choice of user name, given your post.
What on earth is 'grown up' about sticking with a person who frequently let's you down and has money troubles?
The OP has done the grown up thing.

Speak to him, you have no idea why this has come about. If his dad has just been diagnosed with an illness and wants to speak to him this could be a very good reason. If there is no reason then re-evaluate but don’t just assume.

So he dumped you to give you a good scare, will probably have a sob story and hey presto try to put you back in your place of accepting his shit.

OP, stay strong. I suspect he had another woman lined up, hence the random blocking, so you couldn't see or spoil it for him. You were probably also portrayed as the psycho ex. Now it hasn't panned out for him and he expects you to forgive him because you're scared to be alone.

Alone is better.

Gosh no not at all blaming OP...just that the man views it as needy...she shouldn't have to pretend not to have anxiety etc just to please him.
Was trying to paint it from his point of view .
Op did well dumping him. If he can't support her now he wouldn't have supported her in the future .

She did - see below:

and he rang me twice trying to justify himself… told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and I’m not changing my mind and I’m moving on

Block, delete, ignore

Do not engage

Move onwards and upwards

All the best

How much do you like him? And how serious do you deem this to be?

I think you have to accept that his actions would tell you he's just not that into you. If your relationship is casual and not serious then I don't think it's as shocking. I mean, I've had relationship A, where we see each other just of a weekend because of work/distance etc and we had fun but lived very independently and weren't close, I'd have been annoyed by this behaviour from the relationship but expect it and know they're not for me long term.
Then I've had a relationship B, where we've lived 2.5 hours apart but he'd have driven to see me after work as much as he could because Friday to Sunday together just felt like it wasn't enough.... he would be in constant contact and there is no way he'd not have wanted me on the break away.
In my experience, relationship A rarely turns into relationship B, I'd ditch him if that isn't what you're looking for x

I wonder why people always come up with some weird scenarios to excuse shitty behaviour.
If his dad all of a sudden got diagnosed, still does not excuse why he was planning to go alone in first place after changing the plans or why he would not communicate anything.

SHE HAS DUMPED HIM

This is a huge red flag @DeepDishCookie78 …. When men make you feel like you can’t cope without them, yet also make you feel insecure because they cancel dates to… let’s say go out with mates instead, or attend romantic weekends booked for you WITH THEIR DAD… I’d say that’s a very abusive controlling relationship!
I’ve been in your situation, where a partner made me feel like a million dollars and I felt like I couldn’t be without him, but on the other hand occasionally made me feel so awful about myself, made me second guess my own feelings …. For example I was some possessive girlfriend for being upset that he cancelled me for me his mates…. Like it was me in the wrong and I was just jealous for being upset that he cancelled something we’d planned to do together so he could get drunk with his mates…. I couldn’t see it at the time, but once the relationship was over I felt so silly for putting up with it all!!
I would suggest that he sees you as a bit of a doormat because you’ve put up with this behaviour even early on in the relationship…. And I don’t believe him cancelling you like this helps your anxiety at all!!…. Call a friend and make the most of your day of childcare or even book the cinema and go alone.. sod him! I’d get great pleasure out of going to the cinema alone and him knowing that you did it independently of his so called support…
I’d have to dump him too…. He treats you like a booty call…. There’s someone better out there for you that will treat you better…. And I also agree ex partners don’t get you into debt, his ex girlfriends debts were hers and hers alone (Unless it was joint rent which he would’ve been aware she wasn’t paying)… my friends ex liked to do this, blame ex’s for debts… but she soon learnt he continually spending money he didn’t have and then would allow her to help him pay them off…

OMG @DeepDishCookie78 … well done !!

So he randomly blocks you… then because you stand up to him he calls to try to get back together??… definitely sounds like an abusive man who was hoping you’d beg and cry so he’d get away with cancelling your trip! Because you stood up to him he was shocked his plan to control you didn’t work!

Well done and good luck finding someone more worthy !

p.s You don’t NEED a man, always remember that!! Get support off family and friends and seek out CBT for your anxiety… challenge yourself to do small things you wouldn’t usually do and slowly build on it . Good luck x

He's just not THAT into you, OP.

Shhhh

Well thank god you're here to keep us all right

How many times have you posted this.

Relax

I think you know deep down that this is now over. Do not let a man demean you like that.

Lots of red flags here.

He sounds immature and not worth the effort tbh