Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
Passepartoute · 22/09/2023 13:59

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:27

He obviously wants to talk to his Dad about something or maybe there's something going on with his Dad and they want to spend time together.
If this is a one off let it go.

He lives with his Dad. He has 24 hours a day available to him for talking to him.

EuphemiaFuckaduck · 22/09/2023 13:59

Bin him. If you already have anxiety, the last thing you need is a boyfriend who makes you more anxious.

Have a bit of time off men, then find one who's an actual man, not an overgrown child.

momtoboys · 22/09/2023 13:59

I'm sorry, but I think this is a classic case of "he's just not that into you" syndrome. I would bin him or prepare to be binned.

EuphemiaFuckaduck · 22/09/2023 14:01

Dillane · 22/09/2023 13:42

his ex got him into some financial difficulties

That old trope 🙄

Yes - that's bollocks, too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/09/2023 14:02

This would be a dumping offence for me. Very disrespectful and incredibly rude.

Graciebobcat · 22/09/2023 14:08

Yes, I would take that as a message that I was not a priority for him and finish it.

Needaholi · 22/09/2023 14:09

Have some self respect and dump that tw*t. Rather be on my own that have someone letting me down like that.
He is being muggy but you are being a mug.

satellitesunshine · 22/09/2023 14:10

err, bin him. keep the childcare, get yourself on tinder and find someone new to go on a date with this weekend. what a tosser

whynotwhatknot · 22/09/2023 14:15

he arranged a weekend with his gf-she had to organise as she has kids then he decides nah i want to go alone
then its well actually my dad is coming

he so9unds about 15 and doesnt live in the real world

Wouldyouguess · 22/09/2023 14:15

I think he will only be increasing your anxiety, bin him and find someone who is actually worht your time.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 22/09/2023 14:16

out with friends tonight and have a nice childfree lie in tomorrow and reconsider the relationship

CollagenQueen · 22/09/2023 14:27

AngelinaFibres · 22/09/2023 11:01

No 28 year old man turns down guaranteed sex to go away alone/ with his dad. He's got another woman . If you drive past his dad's house when he is supposedly away I dare say you will see him clear as day.

Angelina called it on page 1.

So what that you heard his Dad in the background? He lives with his Dad, so that's not unusual. His Dad either :

a) Isn't going
b) Is maybe going for one night only, leaving the other night free for OW

And his Dad may well be covering for him.

You'd have to be a spectacular bastard to get your GF to arrange child care and pet care for a weekend away, and then pull the rug on her at the last minute.

You wouldn't do it, unless there was something else infinitely better on offer. And that isn't your foosty old Dad, that you live with 24/7.

Mirabai · 22/09/2023 14:28

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:46

I think a lot of people have just echoed exactly what I’ve been thinking but I’m just so scared of not having him in my life anymore. I had such bad anxiety before I met him and on the one hand, he has let me down A LOT even when he knows how upset it makes me but he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress, I think I’m just scared I’m going to go back downhill without him having some sort of presence in my life if that makes sense?!

It’s not really his job to help you with your anxiety - it’s good you’ve made steps forward but you need a therapist not a half-arsed bf.

CharlieBoo · 22/09/2023 14:39

Bin him.. bin him.. bin him

honeybeetheoneandonly · 22/09/2023 15:24

I hope you are googling "places to go" this weekend. You could be on a train, plane or bus somewhere by tonight. I once did an impromptu weekend in Europe that had a cheap flight from my local airport. It was fab.
It is entirely within your power whether you allow this to happen again or not. I'm rooting for you.

Lovemusic82 · 22/09/2023 15:32

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:42

I would dump him.

Its disrespectful.
He has alternatives and could have planned another trip with his dad.
He has let you down significantly and embarrassed you. He is not reliable.

Fuck that. You can do better.

This. His actions tell you a lot. If he wanted to be with you he would have took you. He’s obviously not that into you if he would rather go with his dad (who he sees every day).

Isthisit22 · 22/09/2023 15:44

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:01

Mumsnet really is man hatting isn't it?
Poor guy - if the OP dumps him I think he's had a good escape 😂

What??? You think it’s fine to invite someone on a trip then just say- oh by the way I’m taking someone else instead?
It’s nothing to do with man hating. Just basic manners.
Sorry OP he’s just not into you. If you accept this, he can feel free to trample all over you in the future.

Helpmeout124 · 22/09/2023 15:44

I agree with people above, what he's done is embarrassing! You've now got to make excuses to family and friends why your no longer going away this weekend but he still is. He's clowned you. And once you need to start making excuses for your partners behaviour it's done.

How silly are you going to feel now telling your baby sitter they're no longer needed because you're boyfriend changed his mind about taking you away and would rather take his dad. They're now gonna think he's a prick and you're a fool for allowing it. People on the outside can see it for what it is.

Helpmeout124 · 22/09/2023 15:48

If anyones seen the video on TikTok of the girl doing her makeup while talking about how her and her boyfriend are going to stop living together after years but stay together because it's always been his dream to live with his brother. (Who he grew up living with 🥴) and she's totally fine with it because it's his dream. Gurlllll.. same energy

Spa7tak · 22/09/2023 15:52

Very harsh. He's a young man with problems,..ask him to explain the situation and it might all make sense

SomeCatFromJapan · 22/09/2023 16:00

He'd be straight up dumped for that but honestly it's in line with the poor treatment you've been accepting to date.

Lovemusic82 · 22/09/2023 16:00

Spa7tak · 22/09/2023 15:52

Very harsh. He's a young man with problems,..ask him to explain the situation and it might all make sense

He’s 28 🤔

JFDIYOLO · 22/09/2023 16:13

Lives with Daddy at 28
Blames ex for money problems
Messes you about
Doesn't actually want to be with you

This manbaby is the CAUSE of your anxiety

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 22/09/2023 16:19

He's just not that into you. You live almost 2 hours apart. He's not really 'in' your day to day life, tbh. I'd call time on the whole thing and find someone who puts you first.

BotterMon · 22/09/2023 16:21

Yep Muggy and now single. What a dick.