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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 22/09/2023 11:05

Agree @Needmorelego although all signs do point to bastard!

CurlewKate · 22/09/2023 11:05

Always be wary of a man who blames his ex for stuff. Also- if he needed to talk to his dad about something then why didn't he say? "Look, I'm really sorry, but dad's been diagnosed with cancer/been thrown out by my mum/been charged with fraud-I need to talk to him this weekend. I'll make it up to you , I promise."

Greengrassohla · 22/09/2023 11:05

I would assume he was trying to end the relationship.

Starseeking · 22/09/2023 11:05

If this is his response every time he feels a bit stressed, that doesn't bode well for a future longer term relationship.

I would have thought he would be leaning towards you as his partner in a time of stress, rather than pulling away.

Your DP also doesn't seem to appreciate just how much effort you would have had to go to to arrange childcare and the animals being looked after to make sure you could attend the weekend away.

Now you are sitting at home alone, while he claims to have gone away with his Dad.

Even though you are a similar age, you are at very different stages of life, and it sounds like this is NOT the man for you OP.

aSofaNearYou · 22/09/2023 11:06

Tbh I'd have been pissed off at the point that he uninvited you and said he wanted to go alone, even before he went with his dad. I think that's really rude behaviour.

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 11:07

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:01

Mumsnet really is man hatting isn't it?
Poor guy - if the OP dumps him I think he's had a good escape 😂

No, we just hate useless, spineless, waste of oxygen type men. We absolutely adore the ones who respect their partners and pull their weight in regards to shared life.

I assume you are the former since you can't tell the difference.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:09

@AutumnFroglets the OP hasn't given any indication this is his normal behaviour. So once in a year of dating he has changed plans.
Once.
So there must be something else going on.
Doesn't mean he is a dick/bastard/waste of space/whatever.

Original poster
DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:10

@Needmorelego he used to do it a lot in the beginning (first 3-4 months), always cancelling plans to spend time with friends and family instead, then he got better and now it looks like it’s going back to how it used to be again 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Cosmosforbreakfast · 22/09/2023 11:11

He told you the weekend was for both of you. He had you go to the trouble of arranging child and pet care. He then backtracked and said he wanted to go alone. Then he brought his dad with him. He misled you, he lied to you. This isn't acceptable behaviour. He doesn't see a future with you, you're disposable, you can be dropped at a minutes notice. He more than likely wants to end the relationship and this is first step towards doing so. Don't let a man treat you like this, you deserve better.

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:12

@DeepDishCookie78 well to be honest then I think he isn't the one for you.
Sorry.

pimplebum · 22/09/2023 11:14

You seem to have difficulty asking your boyfriend basic questions

So for that reason alone I'd say it's over

AmIAutumnalNow · 22/09/2023 11:15

Garihairy · 22/09/2023 10:30

he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties

Beware the man who blames his ex for whatever. That might not be the case here, but just be aware that this is a potential red flag.

Yeah. That really jumped out for me

OP. he's just not that into you

You deserve better

LittlePudding1 · 22/09/2023 11:16

I can't believe the excuses for this man on this thread!

In short, he organised a weekend away for you both, you had to arrange child care and care for pets and after you did this he pretty much decided he wanted to go with his Dad instead!

You've only been together for a year and have no ties. Bin this one off and find someone less selfish and inconsiderate.

WhatapityWapiti · 22/09/2023 11:17

Never ever heard “muggy” used in this sense. Is it a regional thing?

AmIAutumnalNow · 22/09/2023 11:19

WhatapityWapiti · 22/09/2023 11:17

Never ever heard “muggy” used in this sense. Is it a regional thing?

For me, it means humidly warm

But I'm old and I think younger people mean someone messing you about?

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 22/09/2023 11:19

So he has always put many other people further up his VIP list than you?

That's probably why he like the long distance between you. He can organise and reorganise you without having to really consider you as an autonomous individual.

You'd possibly be best telling him to fuck off.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 11:20

WhatapityWapiti · 22/09/2023 11:17

Never ever heard “muggy” used in this sense. Is it a regional thing?

Neither.

I am guessing something along the lines of ‘taking someone for a mug’?

sodthesodoff · 22/09/2023 11:21

WhatapityWapiti · 22/09/2023 11:17

Never ever heard “muggy” used in this sense. Is it a regional thing?

Maybe you've heard 'being mugged off'. Being taken for a fool

Op - sorry I've tried to think of any excuse I can for him not being a Twat. But essentially he is

He's let you go to all the trouble of organising childcare etc only to pull the rug from under your feet. Twice. He's going alone. But now with his dad.

I also echo the whole blaming an ex for finances.

I'd bin this one. Maybe plan something nice for your child/pet free weekend.

Viviennemary · 22/09/2023 11:21

It's cheeky, mean and inconsiderate. He said he would take you, changed his mind and wanted to go alone. Changed his mind again and now taking his Dad. . Get rid.

Willyoujustbequiet · 22/09/2023 11:24

Garihairy · 22/09/2023 10:30

he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties

Beware the man who blames his ex for whatever. That might not be the case here, but just be aware that this is a potential red flag.

Massive red flag.

He got himself into financial difficulties but doesn't take responsibility so blames his ex.

Run.

starfishmummy · 22/09/2023 11:24

I wouldn't need to do thst as he'd be my ex....

SpringleDingle · 22/09/2023 11:26

Fuck that shit. You booked childcare and dogsitter and he cancelled on you.... what a twat. I would dump his arse and find someone who genuinely cares about me and wants to spend time with me!

Dixiechickonhols · 22/09/2023 11:30

He’s not the one for you. I’d end it.
The ex got him into difficulties is a big red flag - he’s an adult.
Agree dad is irrelevant he let you down. You don’t offer a trip, let someone make arrangements then say nah I’m going without you.

ToniTTtopaz · 22/09/2023 11:31

You seem to be more annoyed that he's asked his dad instead of you but you need to remember he said first that he wanted to go ALONE...

He's being shady and you need to find out why!

You don't book a surprise weekend for someone and then decide 'actually, ill go on my own'

aSofaNearYou · 22/09/2023 11:31

SpringleDingle · 22/09/2023 11:26

Fuck that shit. You booked childcare and dogsitter and he cancelled on you.... what a twat. I would dump his arse and find someone who genuinely cares about me and wants to spend time with me!

For no good reason, at that. If he'd cancelled because something had genuinely come up and he couldn't go anymore, that would be one thing, but to just say "I've realised I'd rather go on my own" to someone you've invited is a massive dick move. It's not a good enough reason to mess them around, you've made your bed and invited them and you need to honour that.