Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

That's fairly normal! Some kids are more chilled than others but I could never stay home for too long with mine before we both got a bit loopy and had to go out.

@NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah so miserable about it!! I hate it.

Are there any mother and baby groups near you? Saved my sanity when mine where small.

I was an out of the house baby. My mum had to take me somewhere every day, no matter the weather.
Im still the same, can’t stand being stuck in the house.

Honestly that is me with or without the baby. I can't stand being in the house too much. I have a nice house but I like to be out and about.

Yep, standard, this too shall pass.

Agree with attending as many baby groups/classes as you can, at least then you have somebody to talk to.

Also hated being stuck in with the baby tbh!

Any local groups?
Anywhere you can go for a coffee?

I've had one of each and I remember for dc2 I spent an awfully large amount of time between the library, soft play, swimming in the winter. The only saving grace was I could then drive for an hour just anywhere as long as the engine was on and he would sort of scream himself to sleep and I would get a respite. (in the days when fuel was affordable).
Ds1 was pretty grateful to be at preschool by that point.

It does get better.

Often church based baby groups are free/cheap to attend and include a hot drink. I used to try out any group I could find and go back to the ones that were tolerable.

That’s normal but isn’t it more depressing being in the house? Just remember that time passes differently to kids so if you go to the park, you don’t have to stay for hours on end freezing to death, especially when they’re little, just go for 15-20 mins. I used to combine that with a trip to the library-free and usually other stuff going on there too. We also had free or very cheap baby groups and classes round by us.

Some babies are like this - To be honest, I am as an adult, too! Just being at home all the time is quite dull.

There's lots you can do with her - trips to the park, library, coffee shops, baby classes, playgroups, forest groups, on top of days out like zoos; but she will like the stimulation of being out and about, and a proper change of scenery. In my experience, 11 months is a bit too old for a change of room to be enough; and mine had grown out of watching me do things by then and wanted to help! If she's managing three hours at home, I think she's doing pretty well.

I take my son out twice a day; if we're having a home day. One is usually a playgroup/class/coffee shop, so he can interact with other people; and then once after his nap to the park or similar.

To be honest, I'd find it far more depressing to be home all the time 🫣 If you're a real homebody, do you have someone else who could help with taking her out? Is nursery an option?

Its pretty normal. Can the change of scenery be the garden? Or a different activity? Theres a lot of messy play ideas online for something to keep him quiet for a bit. Also look at toy rotation.

If you do need to get out It doesnt have to cost. Lower cost solutions for you.

Local toddler groups. Some are free. Some cost a small fee. Usually a couple of hours and you can see other parents. May find a local parent you can have a 'play date' with and change the scenery for free one day.

Activity groups like music groups etc. Alot offer a first free or discounted session. We did a lot of these for free.

Trip to the park an hour killed and free.

Any free museums near you. Or events. Join local kids groups on fb to see whats going on.

Also check out season passes for places you go alot. For example a farm.near us has a £25 a year season pass for adults and under 2s are free which is common. Even if its more than that if its somewhere you can go alot for an hour or 2 its worth it! We did ALOT of farm trips in that first 2 years. Also our local council run pool has a kids membership that also covers their entrance to council softplay. Its £19 a month but a softplay and swim a week and you've more than got your money back. National trust places are also great. Membership may be worth it. But if not they always seem to be offering free passes lately. Currently offering them i believe (google).

Embrace the weather. Go on vinted and explore some good outdoor wear for you both (spotty otter for children and a dryrobe for you). Invest in it and just go enjoy the outside. Also invest in a reusuable coffee cup and some kind of tupperwarey type thing for a nice snack. Make a coffee and take it with you.

I've always needed to get out of the house every day with my dcs, but once they're mobile it's better to take them to more child-centred activities, like toddler groups and stay and plays. Shops and walks aren't ideal as they end up having to be strapped in a buggy, so they're not burning energy off. I like classes too as the activities are more guided and keep the baby busy all the time. We're in London so we have a wealth of toddler activities and indoor attractions to fill our time in the winter months.

Yes I went through the same thing. Baby/toddler groups do help. Tbh I did anything just to get out of the house, staying in all the time drove me insane. My eldest is 3 now but I remember him at that age and nothing I did kept him entertained for more than 5 mins!

It can be quite mundane but it will pass x

I think the tricky bit is you're not wanting to go out.

In my head it was me who had to get out every day, rather than the baby. I'm not sure my reality was much different to yours but if you reframe it that you are going out for your sanity (which I think you are really - you could stay home but it would be even harder on you) then it is psychologically easier. You might feel less put upon.

I'm an utter introvert but when my kids were preschoolers I had a reason to get out every single day. Wandering round garden centres by yourself sounds lonely though and not meeting your needs. We did a mix of paid baby classes and cheap toddler groups, met up with a friend, library storytime etc. Our local leisure centre was good for a mini soft play thing (and they also had a crèche I could leave the baby in for an hour!!)

Baby groups and routines worked for me. I planned 30 minute slots so it was never too much of the same thing.

Check your local churches/community halls for baby and toddler groups. I used to have a weekly calender with one group per day. They are usually very cheap (50p or £1) and it would save my sanity to have something to get out to, especially in the winter months. They are drop in so you don't need to commit to going every week.

A walk to the park/nearest green space is free and blows away the cobwebs, for bad weather you just need good waterproof, warm clothes. Libraries are another good option.
I would also try and find local playgroups/coffee mornings which are usually free or very cheap - there will be new toys to play with and other parents for you to chat to.

Get a flask for coffee. And an unbreakable mug. (Don’t burn your mouth by drinking too hot coffee straight out of your Chilly’s bottle like me before then deciding a mug is necessary). Embrace the picnic lunch/snack. Unless you earn pots of money it’s a really important way to keep going on trips out without ending up totally broke. Then do the nature things. The walks in the woods, Trips to gardens, especially ones that are free or that you can get a membership to to keep costs down.
If you’re getting cold find some better clothes.

Sometimes it's good to let kids be bored! And it's not sustainable to take them out somewhere every single day.

Boredom is actually great for children as it allows them to build creativity. If each moment is planned out for them, they aren't using their imagination as much as they would if they were just allowed to find their own thing to do.

Try distracting her when the signs set in, change room, toy etc. wrap up go and play in the garden, or just go for a walk around the block.

You might find it cheaper to be out and about rather than have the heating on when it's colder. I'd go mad in the house all day too. Can you get a Pret subscription it's £30 a month for 5 coffees a day. When one coffee is £3-£4 its cheaper.

My daughter was like this, and remains so now at 15. It was hard for me because I'm a bit of a homebody, but she wanted to be out and about doing stuff all the time.

PP are right, playgroups will be the saving grace, and give you some adult interaction too.

I found it helpful to make lists of potential stuff to do well in advance so that I was never left with that helpless "what shall we do now?!" feeling when the baby is screaming and you haven't made a plan. I had lists of weekly drop in groups (e.g. Monday church baby group, Tuesday library rhymetime etc) as well as lists of places to go, both free and paid for (park, far-away park with good toddler playground, cafe with play corner, woods, free museum, free gallery with children's art room, baby soft play, and so on). Lists of upcoming events (toddler concert on X date, special event at the library etc). And then lists of activities we could do at home (long bath with toys, finger painting, "help" with the laundry...). I quite enjoyed researching what was on in the local area, and it meant I could just look at my list and think oh yeah, it's pouring with rain out there but baby needs to get out, what are our options for a wet Wednesday afternoon this week?

That is exactly how I felt! I went out twice a day without fail or I went crazy. I found that from 3.5 onwards it got easier to be at home.

This is the benefit of toddler groups; find some local ones and they’ll keep you sane