Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

You’re not doing anything wrong, you sound like a brilliant mom to be honest, doing what you can to make your baby happy. Are you going back to work? If not could you get some part time work to give you a break and put your baby in nursery for a few days a week, might help to keep you both sane. Good luck.

My son is the same, I'm so jealous of the mums with babies who will sit and watch cbeebies for half an hour. Just has to be entertained or you have to do whatever you're doing with a screaming/shouting soundtrack.

Nope it’s normal! I have 14 mo twins and the days are long. So long. They’re fine until after their first nap and from 11 it’s carnage! They cry and climb on me all day. They’re bored unless ms Rachel is on. And I do play and talk and sing to them all day long but I guess they’re bored of me! I’m hoping once their attention span is longer and we can paint, draw etc it gets easier.

I don’t know what area you are in…. But try Bloom Baby classes. The classes really stimulate and interest babies, but they also have massage and calming activities. It’s a great way to meet other mums who will probably be feeling just like you!

This is strange to me, most people complain they are stuck in the house with that sort of age of child. I remember thinking lunch with blw methods lasted forever that crawling everywhere at 90 miles an hour around the house with me following was not my idea of fun. So the first chance we got the DC would be in the buggy and out for a walk. Bookshops, library or just walk. If it meant nap in buggy, I didn’t mind.

Also, toys were not a big interest until the novelty of crawling, cruising, walking rained a bit

Imagine this but in Covid and you weren’t allowed to even walk for more than 60 minutes never mind a baby group! That was brutal.
Do you have future work plans or SAHM? I think those on maternity, yes can still get bored and frustrated but there’s an end date, those who intend to remain at home have no end in sight, just an endless cycle of trying to entertain and that can be very daunting

that was my life! you are not loopy, just having curious child with lots of energyz

Are you hating it because you want to be inside? Or you’re struggling to entertain her? Or to get things in the house done? Or you don’t like going out?

It really depends why you hate it, as to what will make things better for you.

I’m an introvert so lots of baby groups are draining for me and I don’t enjoy them much. However, I have a very busy 19 month old son. I struggled more when he was a tiny baby and I felt like he wasn’t getting anything from groups because I wasn’t enjoying them! On the plus side he was easier to entertain inside the house and walks in the pram we’re easy and both enjoyed them.

Now I find the best way to have a good week is to make plans in advance and try and get out once a day to do an activity, except for one day which I schedule in a stay at home day, to get on top of housework ect and he is expected to play independently more on that day. However, I will still take him out for at least one 20 minute walk in nature to burn some energy and get fresh air but don’t ‘make plans’. Having a rough structure and viewing the day in sections, is really helpful to keep things from feeling like ground hog day. Also makes it easier to balance keeping little one entertained, but also getting time for yourself/to get things done.

If your day is roughly 7am-8pm

7-9 getting up, breakfast, getting ready, playing with toys ect

9-11.30 ish plan an activity. Monday - baby group(gym class, music, library groups ect ), Tuesday - swimming, Wednesday (at home day), Thursday- Park and feed the ducks, Friday - meet a mum friend with kid and play at theirs/yours as budget option or go out to farm/aquarium ect.

11.30-12.30 Lunch prep and lunch

Nap 12.30-2.30 (either rest or do some housework.

2.30 snack and independent play ( coffee for you)

3pm-5pm Go for a local walk/play with specific planned activity with you/ reading/ drawing/painting/baking/puzzles (none of which, aside from local walk, require you to leave the house and you don’t have to feel guilty as you’ve already been out! Have her help with basic household chores- tidying up ect. I use this after nap, pre dinner window to get some quality focused time in.

5.30- 7 pm dinner prep followed by dinner. This is where I would stick tv on if partner isn’t in to play with him while I cook and my son doesn’t want to help in his learning tower.

7.30-8 bed time routine!

I wish someone had broken their week down for me. I used to get really stressed when people would tell me to go to lots of mum and baby church groups ect! They work for some but I hated it!

I hope things get better OP. Hang in there!

We used to do a Toddler Group for pretty much every day. Maybe go shopping rather than having it delivered and start teaching the words for foods. Bounce and Rhyme at the library etc. Most of these things are far cheaper than a cup of coffee in a shop.

I think 11m is a difficult age because they're not really a baby but not quite a toddler. They're learning so much and I'm sure are so eager to do more.

I'd suggest going out for a walk every day. That's what I did during my maternity leave. I'd walk to the supermarket a few times a week for smaller grocery hauls instead of driving once a week, browse clothing sales, stroll into town, go on scenic walks, go to the library (you can weigh baby as well as browse books, do colouring, etc), go to the park... it helped my mental health and is so beneficial for babies in terms of social interaction and just seeing loads of new things they don't get to see at home.

Whilst at home, try to stagger the activities. Don't offer them all quickly. Break up the day with naptimes, meal times, socialising (whether it's a structured mum and baby group or just popping to see family)... And don't feel guilty for putting cbeebies on every now and then if it keeps baby entertained!

Sorry OP this was in response to your comment not original post. But yes, it is like that and you’re not ‘doing it wrong’ but things can always be improved to suit you. I am also aware that my son was on a 2 nap schedule at 11 months so I’m aware it would be different sections for you 😊

Oh my goodness I could have written this myself! My DD is 4 months old and the exact same. It's exhausting! I envisioned maternity leave being spent on the sofa cuddling up and watching some TV (which it was with my son!). We HAVE to leave the house, normally after 2 hours max after getting ready. I've accepted it though which has made it much easier! X

Mine are 20months and nearly 4. If you’re doing it wrong then I’m doing it wrong too! So solidarity but no real advice x

It’s possibly a phase or your DC needs a lot of stimulation due to personality. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

Do you have any friends who you pop in for coffee with at their home and babies can spend time together, new toys etc?

Joining a group or parent and child specific thing often have free coffee available. Look at things you might enjoy too, for example I did a morning cinema (new releases) but babies could come too, cheaper and they provided nice coffees and croissants (included).

Looking also at your home routine, eg setting up a daily activity for her at home could help, eg potato printing, painting, sticking etc. A bit boring just watching you cook, can she bang pans etc or get involved in some other age appropriate way?
Also at home songs and stories, looking at books, puppet show etc. Not constantly entertaining obviously but you could be providing more of a routine and stimulation at home too.

I always used to segment my day into twenty minute chunks. Usually in the afternoon I’d walk to the park (pushing baby in a ride on thing as it tires them) but the day would be 20 minute activities. Activities could be cooking, snack, drawing, lunch, puzzles, nap for baby (hopefully enough time to give me a break and set up an activity like a teddy tea party or a city made of blocks). It’s very tiring but doesn’t last. Once they start walking, a wander down the road and back looking at everything makes them exhausted!

I have a dd similar age to your. She has very few toys and the TV never goes on. She loves rifling though my pots and pans cupboard or playing with an empty box. Is it possible your dc is over stimulated, or actually tired? X

My DD was the same. Still is at nearly 3, she hates been in the house for more than a couple of hours. I'm the same, I get cabin fever stuck in. We went out and about every day, i made loads and loads of friends at groups so i always had someone who fancied a walk.

Search your local FB group for baby and toddler groups. Churches and community and children's centres usually do very cheap or free groups. We went to a group every day, a walk everyday either to library (usually had something on that's free or the toys out), free museum, shops, park, softplay (under 1s were a £1), woods etc. You need waterproofs and a thermal coffee cup and just grin and bear it. Nursery is an amazing invention for a high energy child, mine loves her 2 and 1/2 days at nursery.

Find your local baby groups- ask other mums, health visitors, GPs, look for noticed in shops & businesses. Even if it’s not your thing & you really don’t want to - do it for your little one. She needs the interaction with other children now plus it will stop you both being bored & they’re usually cheaper than a coffee!

You’re totally normal. Please don’t feel guilty. I had the same issue and my DS and it was right in the middle of Covid. Nothing was open except garden centres. I couldn’t see any friends or family. And so I spent my days endlessly walking around every garden centre within a 30 mile radius. It was mind numbing, depressing and felt utterly endless. I was absolutely miserable. I vividly remember crying my eyes out in my DH’s arms at the end of the day after DS had gone to bed. But I promise you it gets better. I swear to you it does. When they start talking and interacting with you on a different level everything becomes a lot better. You can chat and they tell you weird stories and you can do activities together. I’m not saying it’s still not dull sometimes, it totally is. But there’s so much more joy in between the monotony!

My 15 month old hated being at home, from newborn until about 13 months she would get bored (and so would I) so we were always popping out to the shops or a walk in the park or visiting people, going to classes.

You can make it as cheap or expensive as you like.

When we went to the park we always took a picnic lunch. If shopping it's usually just browsing.

I think some babies just like a change of scenery. I honestly think getting out of the house daily helped my mental health.

Now she is a bit older and is entertained more by toys we do have slower mornings at home but we rarely spend a whole day home unless the weather is terrible. I often looked at my mum friends who could spend whole days in the house with their little ones and thought I was doing it wrong but it's just horses for courses.

Do you have the Fisher Price kick and play piano gym?
its a must have!

Mine went to excellent childminders for three hours an afternoon from 12 months. I picked up a little work for some of that time, some I just relaxed. Before, I got by with a fixed schedule including naps and food. I‘d also treat myself to a canteen type lunch once a week (there was always something he could eat there, too - and he could people watch).

Like others have done/ are doing, we went out a lot. There was a lack of kids groups in my area, so that only took up one morning, but I started thinking outside the box. I‘d turn up at local pensioners‘ groups from time to time, where the attendees were more than happy to spoil a small child while I drank coffee. I‘d go into town or an animal park where there were other people - sometimes other children. We’d try other playgrounds out and sometimes splash out for something further afield. Sometimes a bus or tram ride would be an event. Up to 10 months I had ds in a sling. Not much use for OP, but maybe for those reading with small babies. I got in cuddles and closeness with LO while he could observe everything from adult height. Which he loved. I also felt calmer outside and the sling meant I could walk anywhere, changing up the scenery a bit. From 11 months he had a four wheel ‚bike‘ and a tricycle with a high pole for me to push and a steering wheel for me.

I took a good thermos to playgrounds with me and had excellent outdoor clothes and shoes. So did DS, including 2 pairs of waterproof dungarees.

It was hard- and lonely - but I was able to take control of some of the aspects which made it difficult for me.

Things changed again at 3 with kindergarten (we‘re in Germany) and then Covid hit - our experience with routines and outdoor got us through an essentially 2 year lockdown.

Find your local mother and baby groups. Generally they're £1-2 and you get a cuppa! Plus get to meet new friends.

Often there's snacks for the children too

Excellent advice here, all worth following. Also, at some point DCs need to learn to accept boredom - it's what imagination and old boxes are for. Don't feel you need entertain your child all day, you really don't. Also, set up a messy play area somewhere (kitchen if room) so you and DD can paint etc. later on, you will be cutting out and sticking, which is fun and supportive of development. Also, look out for activity sets that arrive once a month (try online) so you have a constructive activity to do (can be spun out over several days). Playgroups, if exist, mother and toddler groups, mums' coffee mornings, are all options (if they are in people's homes you will be expected to entertain occasionally). If you have a garden be out in it whenever you can. It's wearing but you can turn what seems a chore into something interesting that builds your relationship with DD. I used to read around seven books a day to my DCs when they were small (I like reading and generally I chose the books though DS had a favourite pop-up Aladdin which we read through sellotape to near destruction), and used our old conservatory for messy play (along with tomato plants and attendant white fly). Going out kept me sane but so did structured activities (and I breastfed whilst reading a book and stuck my DCs in front of the TV while I read the newspaper - also helped sanity). One thing that helps is to have a time-table of things you do regularly.

@idbs I have 3 kids. They are older now but when small we had to be out all the time as they’d climb the walls . I am a real homebody and love getting stuff done like renovating, house stuff so I found it so hard when I had to do stuff but was out in the cold doing stuff I didn’t want to do . Honestly way worse when they became toddlers but then we just lived in softplays and tbf they ended up with siblings and that did and does massively help as they all play together!! Probably not something you want to gear though maybe !!
I ended up embracing it but I live near beautiful scenery so we’d go out to beaches and woods etc (still cold but we wrapped up) . I actually have some wonderful memories of those mornings .