Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

I think it's very child dependent.
With DS we had to go for walks, do activities, sometimes even 30mins was too long to be in the house. He was up the wall!
DD (2.5yrs) is a super chilled little girl and can easily spend a day relaxing at home, was totally different.
DS is now nearly 6 and is equally chilled.

God mine is 16mo and an actual nightmare in the house. He was awake for all of 45 mins before heading to nursery this morning and our living room looks like a warzone. I'm often out at the park by 8am on a weekend.

But, this is our first winter where he isn't just a potato, so I'm intrigued to see how we get on in the colder/wetter weather. At least he's walking (not crawling) so park in a puddlesuit and wellies feels more manageable than him floundering around on his hands and knees.

I know everyones given lots of suggestions, and it sounds like you also have lots of places to go out and about, so just wanted to show solidarity that mine is also a nightmare at home and on his non-nursery days we definitely spend more time out of the house than in it!

I remember pushing the pram about in the middle of winter and trying not to slip over on the icy pavements! We just had to get out the house too!

It can be really hard filling the days as you can't simply chill on the sofa or get things done around the house with an active baby in tow.

I used to invite friends and relatives round for an hour or two. That way you get to talk to another adult and they fuss over the baby. It really passes the time and takes the pressure off.

Have you thought about going back to work?

Well, both of mine have been fine staying at home, but I see this a lot and often wonder, in what way is an 11 month old going crazy and needing a change of scenery ? How can you tell?

We needed to be out every day. Look for toddler groups and other activities. Some are very cheap, some are free (libraries often have something free). Doing the supermarket shopping makes a change one day (or two. Go to the library. Our church is unlocked during the day and has a children's corner - nobody would mind you going there for a change of scenery!

Get yourself a good flask so you can take coffee with you.

Whinging. Once I’ve ruled out hunger, tired, nappy, teeth, illness, you know it’s whinging from discontentment. Solved by either the playground or a new activity – “all the measuring spoons and a cup of water” or “I’ve opened the door to the Tupperware cupboard”. But I hate messy play so once they’re bored with spoons, out is easier.

OP, it does get easier once they can bake, colour, use Duplo, or get absorbed in TV: two Hey Duggees is ample time to get things done. Baking is good because of all the elements: measuring ingredients, stirring, licking spoon, washing up, go to the shop for sprinkles, decorate, eat. On a shocking weather day you can stretch out a cake as the whole day’s activity. Obviously not at 11 months but from around 18 months we were cutting our gingerbread shapes, stirring things, rolling, splodging on icing, making soda bread. Graduate to letting them help chop vegetables for snacks, stirring on the hob, etc, sooner than you think!

Also a stately home or good museum like the Horniman if you’re lucky enough to have one nearby is great for space to roam and things to look at; most farms have a picnic area so you don’t have to pay out for a tea room; tricycles are good once they can use them; riding in the supermarket trolley kills two birds with one stone; I successfully avoided soft play for 3.5 years with all this till DD was introduced to it at a party. 😭

Ha yes normal. Im quite a homebody but being cooped up with a baby and toddler was too much and we went out most days. Luckily just going to the park to look at the ducks seems entertaining enough, but also went to soft play, Monkey Music... you name it!

Mine were in nursery at this age for that reason. They required more stimulation that I could provide and still get stuff done.

Yep this is pretty standard. I’m currently unwell so stayed home with dd today, it’s been such hard work! Normally I go to a baby group of some sort in the morning, home for lunch and nap then school run.

2-3 outings a day here. just for a walk or to the park. Sometimes the shops. my children go bananas when they are in all day

Just an idea but if this happens around the 3 hour mark are you sure your baby doesn't need a nap? 3-4 hours is a common wake window at 11 months.

DD1 was like that! I did a lot of browsing shops and walking.
Dd2 was not like that. She wanted to be under her own steam and being put into buggy did not make for a peaceful time, so we stayed at home more.

I had to get out every morning when they were that age. Baby groups, swimming, softplay (quite handy when it's winter and they aren't yet walking), over at a friends house, fitness/Pilates class. My Mum was aghast that I didn't stay home and relax as I was so tired (my kids were not sleepers). But being at home with my kids is not relaxing! I can neither relax nor get anything done, so best to be out! They eventually leaned to ply a bit themselves in the afternoon after a nap.

Mine are school age now and we still go out every day when they aren't in school as they are climbing the walls by 1030am otherwise!

Why don't want you want to go out? I was a nanny for years and I would be expected to go out for a walk at least every day whatever the weather. I'd go bonkers stuck inside and did exactly the same with my child when I had him . Walk/ feed the ducks/ playgroup/ coffee with friends/ visit family then home for a sleep. Made the days shorter. I don't think your baby is bored, just their attention span is very short at that age so they constantly need a change of scene.

Find as many daytime Groups to go to as you can, so you also have the chance to speak to other adults. I used to really enjoy myself and often you will make a 'Mum friend' and you can then spend time in each other's houses for a change of scene.
Meeting others in the same boat also helps deal with the frustrations as you can vent and they totally understand.

I hear you!

My DD is 13 months and not yet walking and it’s so tedious at home but sometimes I really CBA to go out.

I flit from the garden (put her in her puddle suit so she can crawl around) her swingset in the garden, to then going into the kitchen/ diner and her playing with her toys in there. Then she has her morning nap, after that I give her lunch and if we’re not meeting a friend and their child, I put her in the pushchair and we go down to the park or take the dog on an hour’s walk (some days she’s fine with this, some days I have to ply her with melty sticks or similar for the duration of the walk 🙄 to be fair the dog gets an hour’s walk each day so actually we’re out for at least an hour stomping about the countryside whatever the weather. ) then she has her afternoon nap and after that, just before dinner we go into the living room and she trashes that plays with her toys in there, then it’s dinner / bath/ bottle bed.

I only have to do this properly 2 days a week though as I’ve gone back to work 3 days a week and she goes to nursery, which tbh is a nice break!

I personally hate baby/ toddler groups. People are often cliquey and having to make polite small talk just isn’t for me really. Perhaps I’ll feel differently once she starts walking. Also, the germs at these groups and soft play 🤮 is rather not be constantly ill!

Do you have any friends with similar age children or that work part time? I try and see 1-2 friends with their babies/ children each week and it really does help.

This is how it is.

The best moment of my life was realizing i could go back to work part time and baby gets a lovely time in childcare and I get a break from exactly what you describe

Babies and toddlers do need a lot of stimulation they need time outdoors and company of other kids as well

You have to get them outside, every single day. Rain, shine, snow.

I couldn't bear being in the house all day (still can't, even though I have a lovely house). I used to take the DC to baby/toddler groups, the library, friends' houses etc.

I didn't give a shit about housework, though (still don't), so didn't worry that I wasn't doing anything at home.

Solidarity! I used to hate the autumn and winter months with my first toddler, but now I'm on toddler number three I am a lot less resentful of the weather.
Echo all the comments about proper clothing- it just has to be done, waterproofs and wellies for the kid. For me, I just treat being 'outdoorsy' as my lifestyle now, even though we live in a city, and I dress accordingly, and so my jeans and jumpers need to stand up to being covered in mud and lots of washing, because I hate technical outdoors clothes with a passion. And my waterproof coat is a really nice one.

I also have a thermos/carry cup thing that I fill with coffee every morning and always have a packet of biscuits and some fruit in the change bag.

In some ways, it's better than the summer because you're not having to worry about sunburn and overheating? That's what I tell myself anyway.

I hate being stuck at home, we’re always out and about doing somethings. Groups, swimming, parks, food shop, walks, woods, visit friends and family, anything but not in the house!

I feel this way.... but baby groups make me feel a bit depressed too. Its the church hall, orange squash vibe, it gets me down! Has anyone found an alternative? I'm feeling pretty lonely wandering around shopping centres

It's a long time ago but I found baby groups varied in quality quite a lot and there was one particular one which was excellent and ran twice a week. The grimmest one I found I only went to the once. The paid for activities can also work well gym, music etc.

It's very normal! My eldest turned 3 last week and she has only managed to stay sane indoors for half a morning since the summer holidays began.

Get out and walk, even when the weather isn't nice. Take a home made coffee with you and listen to a podcast if baby is asleep. The longer you spend outside, the less mess created indoors.