Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

I used to find breaking the day up into 2 sessions helped me mentally, 9-12 and 2-5pm. I would put my DC down for a nap in between, even if its meant them grizzling for 30 mins just to have some time to myself and regroup.

But yes, I got out. Church halls, swimming, baby massage, baby gym, sure start, libraries, music groups, baby sign, parks, anything! I would take a hot drink in a mug and budget one paid session a week, a couple cheap sessions and fill the rest with free stuff.

I very rarely spent a day at home with my girls when they were little it would of driven us all insane. We’d be out by 7am with the dogs then attend a morning playgroup, village Halls/churches or at children’s centres are either free or a token small payment. I then also had an annual meal pass for a couple of local petting farms which worked out very cost effective, you meet lots of people when you do this as everyone is in the same position so there was always someone to sit and chat with while the little ones played. I’d take a flask of coffee and a basic pack up so really didn’t tend to spend anything when I was a out, would try and time getting home for afternoon nap which gave me an hour to run round the house cleaning, then another dog walk before starting the teatime routine. The days used to fly by, my daughters got loads of fresh air and opportunities to play with others, the house didn’t get trashed everyday and I maintained my sanity. Even all the petting farms had loads of indoor areas, a few of them had a arts and crafts barn so if it’s the weather putting you off see what alternatives you can find. I have always avoided outdoor play areas/soft play centres as find them unbearable but there are so many alternatives, probably even more so than when my children where little.

Sounds normal to me. I used to take mine out every day. I had a routine which I did most days, taking them out after an earlyish lunch. We didn’t spend money usually. A buggy walk was enough to entertain them usually. I used to spread my chores over the week, so Monday was walking to the shops to pick up a few things, Tuesday was the library, Wednesday popping to the post office, etc etc. They need things to look at. Imagine it as you going to an exciting, new country and being forced to stay in your hotel room - obviously you’d want to go out and do and see things.

Think of where you want to go too not just baby groups. Museums etc are often free. Take a drink with you.

Are you on maternity leave or a stay at home mum? If so I'd recommend sending the em to a childminder or nursery a few days a week. That way they get stimulation and the chance to play and socialise with other kids and come home knackered. You'll also get abit of time to yourself. My daughter has come on leaps and bounds since going to her childminder's. I miss her like crazy but it does her so much good.

I'm an out of the house mum with out of the house kids.
Lots of great advice already for you but to add, get a waterproof picnic blanket as well. Get clothes and shoes that will keep you warm and dry in the winter for the long hours in the park. Take a bucket and spade if you have a sand pit. Use the flasks etc. Be prepared to spend 25 minutes looking at one leaf. Never rush them if you can help it. They will fill the time themselves. Get a magnifying glass. Some chalks.
Take dog treats lol. Speak to the other regulars on your outdoor trips. The bowling team were very invested in my sons bike riding journey lol.
If you need to be indoors look at the library or find a play centre a bit further away a drive and use it to kill off more of the day and nap time too so you cna sit and doom scroll in peace.
Have you a nature reserve or national trust near you that you can join for free parking etc?
Being in the same park for 4 hours a day 5 days a week was anathema to me but my toddlers were delighted and never got sick of it. They also were both riding bikes independently by 2yrs old. So some good came of it 😂😂
Good luck x
It's really time in the trenches and winters are hard. Hope you find some good options but you definitely aren't alone 😊

When I was off with my youngest I helped to run a toddler group twice a week . Now I'm not saying go and run one, but going to them is an absolute godsend. You have to find the right ones for you though! Some are v structured and I didn't like that, ours was very much a sit and chat with a cup of tea type of place, we had lots of different safe toy areas for the kids to play and had healthy snacks out for the kids (toast, bananas, crackers etc). Mums felt they had a place to connect with other mums and kids got to mix with other kids from babies to preschool age. It's a lot cheaper than spending every day at soft play or zoos! We charged £2.50 and free snacks for kids and tea for adults

No - you are perfectly normal. Like it or not some of us are just not suited to motherhood. It does not make you bad you are just being honest. I was the same so after a few months I put my son in a nursery and went back to work. Then when I did see him I really looked forward to it. Some people love to sing nursey rhymes all day, and play with playdoh etc. They make wonderful nannies and nursery workers. Me? Well I need adult conversation and I suspect you are the same.

This is why I take mine out to several toddler groups a week. Otherwise he would spend most of the day climbing something.

Best ones are church ones. Free or very cheap with tea and toast.

My eldest and I never stayed in, but I also refused to do mindless baby groups. We went swimming, baby gym, mum and baby cinema, baby yoga, baby signing, baby singing/music classes. Avoid the franchises which are very expensive and look for sessions run in Council sports centres, children’s centres, libraries, museums or your local health centre where they are often free or inexpensive. Buy yourself a lovely keep warm cup/flask and take coffee with you. Walk instead drive whenever you can, saves a fortune on fuel and keeps you fit.

National Trust/RHS Gardens or other local stately home memberships can offer good value with usually better than average play areas and lots of events throughout the year.

Eldest now has ADHD diagnosis so the need for stimulation was real!

My eldest was already at school by the time I had the youngest which brings a structure to the day, so I did less with her but still got out and about to the things I enjoyed and discovered a mum and baby sewing class which was amazing.

We spent a lot of time at the library and wrapping up for walks.

There were lots about the baby stage I loved but honestly I found it boring. My oldest was school age before he started playing himself for periods of time.

I must admit this was the stage when my DC1 was when I felt depressed, combined with the additional chores of baby’s weaning, being more active etc and it was still in the middle of COVID so we couldn’t go out as much. Now expecting the 2nd baby and I’m dreading all the repeated baby activities to keep them entertained. I’ve decided to go back to work much sooner this time to save my sanity.

Local park, wrap up warm, take a flask cup so you get a hold drink.

Library? You don't even need to take books out

Does she have a puddle suit? So after rain just let her go and splash in the puddles up and down your street?

My kids need walking too, it's like having puppies.

Zoo is another - I had an annual pass for adult and toddlers were free.

My baby is the same, and has been since 3 months or so. Goes crazy if I don’t take her out before about 10/11am. We just have a routine now where we get up, play for a bit, breakfast, dressed and then we go for a walk. In the winter we just have to bundle up I suppose. As others have said playgroups, a walk with friends, even take your own picnic, feed the ducks in a local park, window shopping all options for just a change of scenery.

Get yourself to a baby group every morning for structure . Stay and play / rhyme time at the library / go swimming one day / soft play one day

Ah bless you, my heart goes out to u. I had this with both my boys. I had to get them out of the house by 10am at the latest every day. I love them dearly but it was exhausting. Luckily I live nr the sea, so often took them to the beach to just 'run'. I did playgrounds, toddler groups etc, anything a tive that wd exhaust them. My advice wd b to try and knacker them out as early in the day as poss. In the evenings I wd read with them, lights down low etc. They slept brilliantly which was a bonus. I promise u it gets easier. They are less angsty/hyperactive from about age 6. Do whatever u have to do to get thru it. Get fam to babysit once in a while, yr partner to finish work early periodically to do bathtime/bed routine and to give u a break. Look after u gal. 'Fill yr pot' as my bestie wd say. This is a stage and u will get thru it, but I'm hearing u, it feels endless at the time. I also used to treat myself periodically and bought myself a wee pressie. Sometimes I took a wee nap in the day if the kids were napping too. Love and hugs to u 🫂💜Xx

Look into local playgroups or baby activity classes

I know this isn't helpful and I'm just being self indulgent - but I'd have give anything to be in your situation. I wasn't able to have a family and your daily dilemma sounds like bliss to me! I know things aren't always what they seem. There must be local groups out there, if you are inclined to find them, and maybe don't keep your routine the same. You sound more bored than the baby! :) I'm sure it will get easier in time. Count your blessings :) xxx

It depends on the baby. Mine was like this. I'm afraid you just have to go out or you WILL go insane. Try to find play groups.

Yep!
I had to plan a trip out each day or I’d go insane - there’s only do many times you can play with baby toys or watch another episode of baby tv.
I do find that once you are out, it’s good for mental health. Difficult to get yourself out when you haven’t slept/had chance of a shower/done your hair …and the stuff that you need to take with you!
It get easier as they get older. X

DS was like this. (Fortunately I’m an outdoorsy type and was quite happy to be out and about ). Puddle suits and wellies are a godsend in the winter - wrap up warm, take a flask and some snacks and you can kill an hour or two in the local park.

If you’re looking for free indoor stuff for the bad weather, mine always enjoyed a pootle around the local garden centre looking at the Christmas displays.

Since around 9-10 months our baby has gotten so frustrated if he is trapped in the house. Getting out for walks/park/shopping/anything helps. It is really hard though! I look in envy at people who have calm, quiet little ones who are happy relaxing. You are definitely not alone though.

Do you have many mum friends? Neighbours? Or an ante natal group? Swap numbers with some with similar aged little ones at toddler groups- invite them over to yours and you can hopefully get into a routine of going to each others house for coffee/ play rather than having to go to toddler groups or cafes etc. You can chill on the sofa with an cuppa and kids are occupied. Win win.