Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

It literally sent me crazy - and I ended up being sectioned with my baby so please take care of yourself and get out as much as you can. It’s a balance though - your baby will have days when hanging out in the house is okay - pop some music on and you can boogie together or get some paint out or play dough… it’s wonderful and challenging unlike any other ‘job!’. One day at a time dear mum, they grow up too quickly and then they’re hijacked by the state and in school all day - so enjoy your days! Xxx

My ds was like that. In the end I embraced it and took up hiking during maternity leave.
Warm clothes, decent boots, picnic, and then went out somewhere different every day. I used a sling at first and then a buggy with all my kit & provisions underneath.

interspersed with toddler groups.

My children have been the same.
With my daughter sure start centres were around at the time. There were maybe 3 groups a week I could attend free, I paid for a private group on the 4th day, swimming 5th day, shopping another day. So 6 days of the week at least the day would be broken up for her. Outings pretty much guaranteed a tired girley.

My son this year hasn't had the same luxury I only found 2 groups that we couldn't make every week due to appointments with the eldest, cost of swimming has gone through the roof in the pool we could access weekly so we've only been a couple of times.

Its been mostly walk, walk, walk with him. But to be fair, he enjoys getting out. I wound up not doing a weekly shop so we'd have somewhere specific to go every few days.
I'm back to work next week, do feel a bit gutted that we haven't done as much together.

Have a look and see if there's an nct group around, they have a baby group and a little movers group for crawlers /walkers near us. I say near its a good 20-30 minute drive, or a bus ride.

Some libraries have a story /rhyme time sessions.
Churches sometimes run free or donation only playgroups.

If you have a park, make use of it. Get a good coffee cups that keep your drink warm. I think I saw a pram hand muff the other day I can't remember where but I thought it would take the edge off frozen hands!

I'm with you op. I also hate going out everyday with my baby. It's such an effort. Pack the food bag, then if she needs a nap she's miserable and crying, then if it rains it's such a pain to faff around, then if she wants to get out of the pram, I need to carry her and push it too. Lucky my one likes being at home. It's just the following her around and entertaining a baby which I absolutely loathe.. so utterly boring.

Agree with others, totally normal. I found it a huge adaptation but once in the swing of it and into a sort of routine it was fine.

What is it about being out and about that you dislike?

My DC were always awake at the absolute crack of dawn so by 9am or so we were all up, fed, had had time to play and ready for the day. When still on maternity we had a routine so on a Monday we'd go to toddler group at one place, tuesday we did swimming, wednesday maybe visit family/friends etc etc. I was usually out in the morning, either returning home for lunch or eating out and returning for nap time. Then I'd get a couple hours to myself once DC was sleeping to either catch up on housework or do absolutely nothing!

Mine were usually more settled in the afternoon, maybe a brief trip to the local park if weather allowed or a shop.
I spent many hours in garden centres or supermarkets when they were young!

Yea, it aint easy. I had to get out of the house and spend hours in the park, going to the shop daily etc. Rain or shine. But it does get easier and this time passes fast (I have 3 and youngest is 3). Well, I guess she still expects to do something daily. Every morning she asks "Where are we going?" :)

DS1 was the same. I found it incredibly difficult. I’m someone who loves pottering about at home and he needed to be out all day every day. It’s so understandable you’re finding it hard. DS2 is the opposite and the relief is incredible. It does get easier when they become more self sufficient as when you go out they can be left to their own devices more/play with friends whilst you sit back with your thermos.

I think it's normal. Toddlers are full of energy and in my experienced need to be exercised rather like young labradors.

Our routine was something like this:

6 up, dressed breakfast
7, sometimes we used to walk with daddy to the station and have a swing on the way back
8.30/9 home, potter, read a story, Telly Tubbies at 10 - and I could lob on some washing, empty the dishwasher, etc.
10.45: either a church playgroup, (2 a week), Monkey Music (paid), Fridays was the supermarket shop and I made an outing of it.
12.30ish lunch
On Mondays we went to the 1 o'clock club, on Tuesdays story time at the library.
Otherwise we went to the park or met up with friends for a play to untidy their house; a couple of times a month we might have gone to soft play

Quite close to us was a City zoo that was free, and a garden centre with fish sheds that was like a pretend and free aquarium. We also had Richmond Park and on wet days, I packed the binoculars and a picnic and we went looking for deer, in waterproofs so if the rain stopped we could go to the playground.

This was nearly 30 years ago before coffee culture so we didn't have those sort of expenses, the chidlers got a mini milk for 20p if they were lucky. Do buy yourself a thermal mug.

So many fabulous free things, watching the ducks and water birds on a lake, leaf kicking and identifying leaves and the ages of the trees, finding flowers and taking them home, looking them up, drawing them. At this time of year, blackberry picking, conkers, acorns, etc. I shall never forget teaching counting and early 10s and units with conkers.

We also spent hours examining and counting the cracks in the pavement.

At some point he had a nap, and add in a walk to the shops to buy something forgotten for dinner, or a birthday card, and probably another twirl round the park.

At all those activities I met a "soul-mate" friend for life and by the time the boys were 18/19 months we did swaps. I had hers on Tuesday afternoons, she had mine on Friday afternoons and we carried it through to the next child. Three hours of freedom, once a week!!! Neither of us had family close by.

Fortunately, at two and a quarter a little nursery attached to a church took him for two afternoons. I did thank God most sincerely for that. I do recall my jaw being tired by the time he went to bed from answering all the questions.

They grow up awfully fast op, and soon you'll find yourself doing it all over again. Fortunately dd was not quite such hard work as ds and we knew the ropes the second time round.

My LO is like this…she’s always been an early riser too so a lot of day to fill. We do free/low cost baby groups run by churches or council in mornings and then park or play dates in afternoon. Occasionally soft play but she prefers parks. I’m audiobooking the Danish parenting book, it makes you realise little kids need to be with other little kids playing. Suck home alone with toys or tv is a bit sad

Mine was like this (still is at 3.5). I walked miles with the pushchair then and now with his balance bike.

For crap weather days, I had a small box of toys in each room - it had one or two things in it. It meant we could change rooms and I could get some house work done.

With all the toys in the same room, he found it overwhelming and we ended up with a high tangled pile. I’d also regularly pack toys away in boxes and swap them around - have a look at toy rotation.

This is normal and I feel your pain.

I was so constantly exhasuted as mine barely ever slept I didnt have the energy or mental strength (in hindsight I realise I had some PND) to get out the house/socialise, but I also didnt have the energy to entertain them at home.

When she did nap. At home. I went sttaigjt to bed, even if it was for 10 mins.

Mine was like this too. It's much much easier when they can walk as outside activities can last longer then such as the park etc.... and you can physically wear them out.

Just to say it's great to buy a thermal mug but the money I spent on hot drinks was so I could sit in with a book when DS fell asleep in the buggy, which was bliss and absolutely worth £3.

It gets easier. I have a livewire (who was 6 months when lockdown began) who is now 4. There are a lot of things you can do to try to keep them amused at home- I found things like a load of paint in a food bag with a small canvas in was a lot of fun, as were various sensory type things using kitchen stuff in muffin trays, kitchen discos, homemade obstacles courses, and adapting 5 min mum ideas to be age appropriate...

Playgroups, classes, soft play, indoor activities, park trips (no such thing as bad weather- puddle jumping, looking for snails etc), meeting other parents and having playdates, and kitchen discos will all be your friends .

Around 18 months, she started to be interested in painting etc on her own, and now she is great at entertaining herself. She is still grumpy when she doesn't get out, though.

Have to admit, it was a bit of a relief to go back to work (and her to go to nursery) when she hit one. They do so much interesting stuff, and wear her out. Hugely helped my PND as well.

It's ok to find any particular stage hard- and to admit it. I really didn't like the potato stage etc and found it relentless. No time, tied to a routine (if your kid likes routine) etc. Another stage will be along too. I much prefer the crazy, collaborative, talk back stage....

I could never stay in. Babies/toddlers are hardwork at home. I actually did the opposite to most people regarding part time work and worked in the afternoons so that we could go to the playgroups in the morning.

@AndIKnewYouMeantIt yes to the thermal mug! (Useful even at home)

You need to get into a routine OP, so each day has structure. Find out what is available locally. Do you have any mum friends? If so, they may well be bored too or able to suggest things they do that you might enjoy.

We used to get out of the house every day (weather permitting) for a walk round the park, some time in the playground, watching the ducks, practising walking outside, walking into town, visiting the garden centre (has fish, birds, lizards, rabbits, guinea pigs, etc), baby music class, Gymboree, church play group, meeting up with a friend for a coffee, local farm park (we had an annual pass for a couple of years), etc. Once you build some structure into your days it gets easier, but having long days stretching ahead of you when your DC gets up at 6 is, I admit, very depressing!

When my DD was little she was the same, somebody advised me to rotate her Toys and put no more than 4 out at a time. She had that many I could rotate them most days and she was always more entertained with something new or just something she hadn’t seen for a while. I didn’t always feel like going out every day either and that seemed to work. You could also try going to some charity shops for new and exciting entertainment for much less. Sometimes that would be my trip out in the morning, spend around £5.00 on one or two items and then she would play with them in The afternoon 🙂

Could you enrol her with a nursery or childminder for a few hours a week?

💛🧡❤️ Hey! My eldest was just like this. It felt relentless. Especially as he was born just before lockdown so I was constantly entertaining him indoors and flet like I was running out of ideas.

Here’s what worked for us:

• Just going outside. Buy a puddlesuit, wellies, get outdoors. We spent a lot of time just walking through woods and forest. We live in south London so not exactly in the countryside, but we managed to find patches of open space/wooded areas and just walked, whilst following him. He got some autonomy and I got fresh air/vitamin D. I also found it wore him out a bit

• random things like spatula, wooden spoons, big pots, plastic cups. I dunno why, they just seemed to entertain him. Even pouring cups of water into one another on a towel or in the bath

• not direct advice, but it got a lot easier from 2/2.5. He’s 3.5 now and I can’t believe what it was like for us nearly 3 years ago. He’s much more “calm” but still ever an explorer. I think it’s just easier now we can properly communicate.

I know it’s hard as youre in the thick of it, I was once there too. But it’ll pass. And it’ll be less draining and demanding. Do stuff like go outside so you can get your vit D whichll do wonders for your mood. Feel free to message me if you ever want anything, even just to rant. I’ll happily listen 💚💙💜

I walked miles every day with all 3 of mine when they were babies. Rain or sun. There is about 2 1/2 years between each of them so I never had all 3 every day - nursery then school stopped that. I walked along the seafront and back most days, or part of that route, which was about 4-8 miles depending. In the mornings we went into the village shopping or to a supermarket, went to the park, baby group at local community centre- sing along, baby gym. My MIL liked taking them for a walk so I got a break a couple of times a week. They all went to nursery part-time (just a couple of half-days) from about 8 months.
DS1 could be occupied for ages from about 1 by getting him to take all his small toys out of his toy box and putting them back- on repeat. He liked to dust as well (badly).

This is definitely the peak time for getting a national trust membership for somewhere to go!

Baby groups.. Soft play. Church toddler groups. So many things to do .

For reasons not relevant to this thread, I have had to spend a lot of time indoors with my baby now toddler. Quite often 6 or more hours after lunch, sometimes all day. We’ve got some things going, but this thread makes me feel better about how hard it’s sometimes been.

Libraries, church halls, parent and toddler groups - those are your mainstay in winter unless you want to bankrupt yourself. Definitely agree with flasks and picnics. Have you thought about working part time and putting her in nursery for a day or two a week? My two were busy little bees and absolutely loved nursery - lots of friends, activities (including a memorable baked bean messy time), lots of toys, plenty of outside space, singing, reading, napping, chef prepared fresh lunch every day…tbh, I’d go myself if they did one for adults. My kids are late teens now and still have close friends they met at nursery, including some who never went to the same schools or clubs.