Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

That sounds like my daughter. She was a right pain from the get go. Never easy going, constantly on the go, easily bored. When I had my second child I kept her in nursery even though I was home on mat leave as I knew I couldn’t entertain her enough and was shattered. When I had the days with her at home I had to plan meticulously how to keep her busy. Various groups and parks. She would wake up and her first words would be ‘park’. We had to move out of our flat and get a small house with a back garden so we could put her outside to burn off energy.

but she grew up, became very studious but still on the go all the time. She is the most active child I have ever met in my life. Now does about 4 sports, all the school teams etc. it’s does get easier as the become very self sufficient but boy was she hard work. My son was super easy, pleasure to be around. Sat and kept me company. Easily entertained by himself.

you are not doing anything wrong. All kids are different. I wouldn’t change her one bit! You will look back with rose tinted glasses I promise. I wish I could go back for even just one day.

I think it’s unrealistic to expect a person to be happy to stay in a house all day. Especially a person who can’t read, won’t get much out of TV, can’t waste time on Mumsnet etc etc.

Honestly it sounds like you need to think about whether work and nursery would be a better option for the both of you.

Both mine were like this and still are tbh at 5 and almost 2. But 5yo now a lot easier to entertain at home tbf the issue is more that youngest is not so then eldest gets fed up too with the lack of attention/his tantrums and whatnot.

At 11 months I was doing things like church playgroups, children centre baby groups, walks in the pram around the park, feed the ducks, and quick go on the swings - it helps that there are about 6 parks in walking distance of my house, play cafe (even better if meeting a friend or family member there), friend or family member come to my house or I visit them for a couple of hours, walk around local high street in pram and run in the odd shop for milk etc before they set off crying etc, baby swimming groups, museums/art galleries, library...

I found I had to escape the house at least 3 days in the week when DH was working to escape the insanity.

Two of those I went to mums and tots at local churches - free tea and biscuits and only cost a pound.

The other day I did a baby class.

At weekends we would go to parks, national trust places and visit family.

You’ll find your rhythm, doesn’t all have to be expensive.

This is why people do stuff like baby swimming, baby sensory etc! Gets you out of the house for the morning, then they can pootle about in the afternoon having burned off some energy.

Also, if you are walking, invest in a thermal cup/flask thing so you can take your own drink out with you. Pays for itself in a week or two.

Mine did like playing, but not necessarily with toys I’d bought. He liked banging pans, mirrors, crumpling up paper, noisy toys, opening and closing little storage drawers, and randomly, mopping things. No interest in cars, teddies, watching tv, or anything else until he was a bit older.

Personally I'd go back to work. Staying at home is hard. It's good for everyone.

Agree that it's normal to be out and about, it definitely helps if you can find a regular rotation of free activities/clubs/classes/stay and plays - I used to go to Sure Start 4 days a week!! Absolute lifesaver. But not sure there are many about any more. Libraries, churches, community centres are all good places to look for local activities. If you're breastfeeding then there might be a breastfeeding drop in. You are probably past the point of needing support at 11 months but it doesn't really matter. Sling meets are sometimes a thing. Buggy fit/park run often don't mind if you come with a buggy.

If there are no/not many free activities where you are, rotate a few activities and drop ins anyway, because what you need to do in that case is network network network and find a group of mum friends so you can alternate meeting at each others' houses (free, warm, already childproof, new toys to interest child, adult company) and meeting at parks, library, swimming, soft play etc.

Go along to the paid activities and when you start seeing the same faces try to remember something they talked about last time and ask them about it. If you can involve a third person in the conversation, even better. Then after you've talked to someone a few times ask if they would like to come round with <child> and play and have a coffee. And again if there is a third person, ask them both at once. Then if either of them invites you somewhere, you say "Oh yeah great idea, shall we ask Sally as well?" This establishes a kind of norm where you're a group rather than just one person meeting another - because one on one gets a bit weirdly intense whereas if you start out with a group that grows over time, you'll end up seeing different members of the group on different days, plus a regular paid/free activity a couple of days a week and it just breaks up the day a bit so you're not stuck in with a bored toddler.

If you're more introverted and this sounds like your idea of hell - consider PT nursery/childminder, and getting a job to cover the hours/cost?

That’s life with a baby I’m afraid

Just go to the play park ....put her on the swings or see if you have a cheap softplay in the area, sometimes they have a deal like 60.00 for the year during mid week and you can go there and let her safely crawl about the baby section and ball pit etc.
What kind of toys has she got? Maybe try building blocks, small world type with open ended play or train tracks .....she might be a bit young for that just now but definitely wooden blocks or large building bricks.

My eldest was like this. We got into a schedule of going to baby groups at church halls or library sessions etc most mornings during the week, and then in the afternoons, we'd got to the park, the shops, to a NT garden etc. staying at home with him was too difficult. This did really help.

I hate to say, he's now 10 and not a lot different. He still drives me crazy If we don't get out, and he does loads of extra-curriculars just to keep us all sane!

Normal!

I did a rotation of:

• library, including rhyme time
• local church baby groups
• local nct meet up in a cafe
• parks
• cups of tea at friends houses
• a local garden centre with pets & fish tanks

(All of which were free)

Plus

• swimming, not a class, just took them myself
• supermarkets/shops
• baby cinema a few times but less so once as old as 11mo

We had to go out, every single day, morning and afternoon.

Yup. You'll have the no nonscience attitude down to a pat when no 2 ise due

Could you take a coffee in a stay hot cup?
remembering when mine were little a long time ago it wasn’t a thing to buy take away coffee every time we left the house 😊

My first went to a childminder at 3 months and I went back to work full time. I didn't need to for the money, just for my sanity - it was such a relief! She didn't get bored with other kids around to interact with.

Number 2 had number 1 to keep him amused, thank goodness. Much easier.

When my eldest was a baby I found it easier to be up and out the house I used to wrap us warm and go for long walks with him in pram/baby carrier. It was also a great way of loosing baby weight.

When he got a little older I would break it up with a trip to park and push him on swings. It doesn't have to be expensive days out.

Sorry to say but I do think it's normal OP, although I think it's me that wants to get out more than my baby!

At this age they don't entertain themselves for long. My little one has a short time in her before she just starts climbing up me and whinging. It's much easier to be out and about.

We spend a lot of time visiting friends/family who are home during the week. Even just an hour or 2 really helps. It is a long day though if you don't have that option, so I do sympathise.

That was my life with DS1. Going out and about a lot. He was also happy for us to be out in the garden, so for a long time the garden looked beautiful and the house like a tip. Used to try and make the garden exciting for him with picnics (even in Winter) and 'bear hunts' etc. There used to be a very reasonably priced local family friendly cafe run by a local church that did wholesome but pretty basic meals and most days we would go there and he was happy with the change of scene and when he got a bit older the 20 minute walk would help tire him out. OP it sounds like normal behaviour.

DD1 was like this for years. Just so restless at home and needed a lot of entertainment. I am a pretty active, extrovert person but even so, it was exhausting having to go out so much and make plans all the time!

The days are really very long at that age. Luckily I had a lot of friends and found a lot of local groups so a typical day would be:

Morning - up 7 or so

Out at 9.30 -11.30 eg swimming / baby singing / park / library / friend's / shops / play cafe etc (sometimes stayed out for lunch)

Out in afternoon 2-4, same as morning except there were rarely afternoon groups so more likely to be seeing a friend, library etc

Dinner 5ish

Bedtime routine start at 6

Obvs naps changed as she grew older and fitted around activities - we didn't usually go home for naps.

It looks very nice written down and I was lucky dd slept 12 hours through the night, but I did feel tired not getting much down time at home.

So many mentions of organised groups but surprisingly few people talking about inviting friends over / getting invited to their place. Everyone is feeling the same as you and they'll be delighted to be asked!
We did something every morning: either had someone round, or went to a group, or went to the shops/ to do errands. Then a nice chunky sleep in the afternoon and a bit of home play, and the day is almost done.

I am a "Get everyone out of the house as much as possible" Mum, especially as toddlers. Library, park, local parent groups. Whatever you can find. If you have a local train, take a ride to the next station and back again. Talk ALL the time. Join every museum/science park/ zoo that you can. And then you'll find your people and that will help.

Find out if there's any mother and baby groups. Get to chat to other mums they get to play with different toys and you can have a brew. Most soft plays do toddler mornings term time which is a bit cheaper. You don't think it now but you will miss these days when she's all grown up. I certainly do so make the most of it.

That’s normal for my DS, he’s a bit older now but we still do something most days. Local baby groups helped out loads, see what activities are in your area for little ones. They’re usually quite cheap and the ones I went to had cheap tea/coffee so it should save money instead of buying more expensive ones from a proper coffee shop.

oh yes this is normal. I take my 2 year old to the park for 2-3 hours a day. Though I’m a sahm. I imagine most working mums wouldn’t have the time or energy to take them out that much for that long. I just try to remind myself it’s for her good health to be outside. At least she’s not addicted to technology and she’s moving her body. It helps her sleep better at night anyways. Rainy days are pretty terrible and like you said winter is around the corner and she’s still quite small. We’re going to get her a toboggan and teach her to slide down small hills. But there’s still only so much a small child can do in the snow. And their time is still very limited before they have to go inside. (we live in canada and it gets down to -30 quite easily) So I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to keep her and myself from going positively insane this winter.

Yes also did a fair few 'play dates' @sjj28358 but most mum's preferred meeting somewhere like a park or with access to soft play.

I’ve never had maternity leave friends! First NCT group were a bunch of vicious cunts so I didn’t bother the second time around, though it’s a bit easier as DD has nursery friends so the baby tags along on her playdates/after nursery park times. I can imagine it’s a good “share the boredom” option to go to friends’ houses but I do think it’s quite hard to find a group of people also on parental leave whose babies have the same schedule/needs and you can tolerate their company.