Is this life with a baby or am I doing it wrong?

[idbs]

I have an 11 month old and it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay in the house and stay sane. We’ve been up 1.5 hours and she is bored, lots of toys, even resort to tv, reading books with her, change rooms, let her watch me cook, etc etc… doesn’t matter what I do, three hours into the day she is going crazy wanting to have a change of scenery. I end up wandering round shops, going to animal parks, walks etc… anything but be in the house.

I am finding this so depressing especially in the colder weather. It’s also expensive ad I inevitably buy a coffee or whatever when we go out.

Is this how it is or should I be doing something different with her at home?!

Hello OP and others,

Thank you for this thread. I've never managed a day at home with my toddler (14 months now) and felt I was doing something wrong.

We do something all of the time even just a trip to Grandma's.

Normal! We’ve just hit that stage. And he’s a firm cot napper so I can’t even do a day trip or a fun class that’s too far from home as otherwise he won’t nap, and all hell breaks loose.

Have you got a routine? I find it breaks up the (incredibly boring) day into chunks: breakfast, play, morning nap, milk and snack, out of house time (thankfully our library do two free story times a week, perfectly timed at this point in the day; we also do one paid class; then two days I do playground or post office or another chore, or go slightly further afield to see the ducks), back home for lunch, then nap, milk and snack, then a small window before dinner so always playground not a class, then dinner, then whinging before bath and bed.

Repeat repeat repeat while gazing into the abyss, doomscrolling when you can get away with it, mindlessly eating biscuits. You may even find yourself looking forward to going back to work!

It gets better once they can toddle so you can just turn them loose; better still once the morning nap goes so there’s more time.

I spent almost all day out when I had two ; park, sainsbury, bottle bank, walk, potter round shops, different park, church toddlers group. I almost always walked but the big treat of the week was a trip to Tesco where, after the shop we would go to the cafe for a drink and a snack!

😩 Yeah second the two outings a day. It’s exhausting but necessary

Playgroups or taking turns going to friends houses. It’s easier with company.

Usually a morning activity- then home lunch, maybe the nap when you chill, then maybe a walk then home for dinner.
I loved it personally:

soft play
swimming
childrens centres
parks
library

not sure where in the country you are, but there are lots of groups for little ones once you start looking.

So normal, I've just got past that age and I've found it hardest so far.

Yep pretty standard - and she’s a cot napper and we’re in the middle of a build and they’re currently doing the roof right above her cot 🙃🙃🙃

Currently watching the baby club. She’s 3rd born though so I’m definitely more chilled/neglectful this time!

Baby groups she’s the ONLY child who is walking around saying hi, looking at everyone’s shoes/phones etc… I look around and all the other babies are either sitting with their adult nicely or engaging with the class 😄 had to abandon rhymetime after a few attempts as she was just a distraction, and wanting to get books off the shelves 😄 she is LITERALLY the only one, I have observed her lots of times at many different groups. Tinker! So I like to be at home/go for walks/go to friends’ houses to escape the build….. but most of our week seems to be spent going to the tip and doing errands!

Oh also she’s a morning napper at the mo and if she doesn’t get the morning nap then any later nap is only 45 mins ish. So we tend to miss all the baby groups anyway as they’re 9-11ish.

Soft play a good shout but again a real pain when they can’t walk yet - playgrounds a nightmare at that age! Crawling around on the wet leafy ground 😄 sympathy op!

Yep. I have a 14m old and the days I am not working, I have to plan one activity in the morning and then we always go into town in the afternoon to fill the hours between nap and dinner...
I really miss cosy days in watching films - hoping this will come back when they get old enough to want to watch a film?
Baby groups have saved my sanity!

Pretty much! My son is 2 now but as a baby we’d be out and about every day, we had different classes 3 days a week and other days we’d have play dates/visit grandparents/petting zoos/soft play. I’m back at work now but have Fridays off with him. We leave the house at 10am and don’t get back until 6pm (tea time).

I had my children join in what I was doing - slowed me down a bit, but what the hell!

If I was cleaning, they had their own bucket of water and mop (bit messy!), if I was shopping they came with me and "helped", if I was making the bed they played hiding in the bedding, if I was doing the garden they played in the mud and picked out weeds (not always accurately!), if I was sorting the laundry they got stuck in (Dad sometimes finished up with my undies in his drawer! - but what matter?) ......

You have got this child used to being taken out and entertained - stop now!! YOU will be doing it till she leaves home!

It does sound fairly normal, but then I'm another one who found it easier to be out for a while! But that could be walking around the park/village/countryside (I was lucky the fields were walking distance!) Do things like the animal parks have memberships - are you there often enough to make that worthwhile?

Try taking coffee with you in a thermos flask, and probably snacks too - then it's less tempting to buy things every time!

Start picnic dinners. Just wrap up and take a flask.

I found the advantage to this was no cleaning up at home!

The ideal aim is tire them out with fresh air and a full belly, nice walk home to put them to sleep and park the pram in the hall for an hour's peace!

Personally I had to get out of the house so I'm probably not getting the frustration.

As others have said just try and tie it into any free or low cost things happening where you hopefully get a bit of adult company at the same time like the church hall style baby groups.

Go back to work OP if you haven't sorted that out already. Get your sanity back. Home is boring boring dull dull.

Completely normal. I have a nearly 3 year old and a 6 month old, we go out pretty much every day, I hate staying in the house. I’ll be honest I find playing really boring…there’s only so many times you can do the same jigsaw!! 😬

Have a look in your local area for playgroups in local village halls, church halls, your local family centre…theses are usually only £2-3 and you usually get a cup of tea and snack for baby, works out a bit cheaper than farms, soft play, etc. As it’s coming up
to Christmas have a look if any of the farms, soft play, etc you go to have annual passes and ask someone to buy you one for Xmas, this saves a bit of money too. We go to the same farm most weeks, my son loves it and he’s entertained for a few hours.

One of mine was obsessed with the local car wash that had glass windows in it so you could see the cars being washed i spent hours parked next to it with a coffee and a book so he could watch it. It is hard work at that age op. Mine got better at around 3/4 years old

This is normal, my eldest is 4 now and we still go out every day (she goes to nursery twice a week) but I go out with baby on the other days.

It’s a lot easier once they are a bit older, we can go to the soft play and stay there for hours, she will find some other children to play with. Harder when they are younger as you have to constantly follow them around. Other people have suggested good ideas though and I find groups / classes good.

I don’t mind going out every day though, I think I would get fed up staying in and I find it easier to entertain them out the house.

Getting out and about was my sanity saver with small babies. Mum and baby groups can be good, often primary schools or churches run free ones. Or at least ones with a small voluntary donation. There's usually tea/coffee, biscuits, etc. provided.

Do you have any friends with babies similar ages you can meet up with?

The single greatest surprise about having children , particularly when they are really small is realising that they are not the same as you.

So you are a homebody and sounds like you have a child who wants to be out and about.

Both are completely utterly normal.

Some people need to be out all the time to be happy, some prefer to be at home and some are bit of Both.

You need to recognise what your child likes and then try and adapt a life around it.

Eg go out to a toddler group in the morning but then make sure you are back home for lunch and naptime so you can have time at home.

With dd I had a round of baby groups, grandma's house, friend's houses, playgrounds, duck pond, swimming-something every single day.

If it's any consolation, I instituted the same system with ds- and after a while, he put his hand on my arm, looked into my eyes and said "Us go home now, mum-mum"!

I have found the same, beginning from about age 2.5 - never thought I'd see the day when staying in the house for a few hours was easier than going out!

Hang in there OP. I also found my little one was much happier once he could walk - he bypassed crawling and was really frustrated with not being able to move himself at that stage.

Good luck. X

To a certain degree; yes, but not at 9 months.

And I'm not sure how it's unsustainable to take them out every day? I've taken my son out pretty much twice a day since he was born nearly two years ago. Originally for me, now for both of us. It's not unsustainable.

OPs issue may be that she doesn't want to do it, but that doesn't make it unsustainable.

I second planning a routine for your sanity. Find all the local playgroups, stay and plays, activities etc. The nice playgrounds with the cafes with the good coffee.

I had one of those babies who had the attention span of a knat, I felt so guilty just sitting on the sofa but fuck me, the days felt LONG. I used to wake up and feel dread at the hours ahead of me.

Totally normal, OP. It's boring being at home doing the same things every day, and babies have a short attention span.

Are you planning on going back to work at any point? If so, that will resolve your problem. Your nursery or childminder will find ways to occupy your child all day and you will just have the weekends when you will probably enjoy doing these things a lot more because you haven't been doing them all week.

If not, you really do need to get out of the house every day I'm afraid. Do you have any mum friends? Can you go on Peanut and find people to have playdates with? Can you get a membership to somewhere you'd be happy to go to a lot and just go there once or twice a week with a flask full of coffee and homemade sandwiches if you don't want to spend too much money?