To call my neighbour selfish

[Fedupandgrumpy1]

We live in a quiet street with about 10 houses in. I have mobility issues and also struggle with my MH. It's important for me to have as much sleep as possible so I tend to go to bed at 10.30pm and don't get up until about 11am.

Very recently a family moved in next door. They have 3 children who are lovely and not a problem. But their mother annoys me and I feel she is being selfish. She works strange hours and most days leaves the house to go to work at 4.30am. She drives an old car and the doors creaks when she opens it. She then normally sits in the car with it running for 5 mins before driving off. The father is fine.

I have spoken to her and told her about my health issues and have asked her to consider changing her working hours, replace her car or to park her car in a road away from the house. She said she was sorry that she disturbs me but she cannot change her working hours due to the nature of her job. She said they can't afford to replace the car and as its an old car she has to warm it up before going anywhere. She admits the door creaks and said that oiling is didn't help. She is not willing to park away from home and she doesn't think its safe to walk on her own early in the morning with no streetlights.

She is making me more poorly. I am now having to sleep a bit in the afternoon due go being disturbed and as a result am missing out on me time.

What can I do about it? I'm fed up of her selfish behaviour.

Nice try op.
D-

There are so many jobs that don't start until after 11am, how rude of her not to pick one of them when you asked her to nicely. She should put her kids into mid-day starting school too because there are loads of those 🙄. I means it's just so unreasonable of her to work antisocial hours so she can, presumably, be home when her kids get back from school or increase her earning potential. I imagine she has gagged all the neighborhood bird either.
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Your neighbour doesn't sound selfish to me. Offer to pay for a mechanic to do something about the squeaky car door.

I'm just imagining my bosses reaction is I said I needed to change shifts because the engine disturbed my neighbours sleep...!

@Fedupandgrumpy1 I actually sympathise as I have a physical health condition that means I need to be really protective about my sleep to live a normalish life and I dread having noisy neighbours move next door

I suggest you find some time to let go of some of your grumpiness and apologise to your neighbour, probably with flowers, and explain you were having a moment.

I kind of thought this was going to be about letting their kids shout in the garden at 8am and wasxready to defend you against those who feel kids should be allowed to shout anywhere, anytime 😆

A person (with 3 children) probably didn't make a life-style choice to go to work at 4:30am! (Jobs at that hour are not often taken by those who can avoid them!)

Having an old car is unlikely to be because she finds old cars charming - or that she can't be bothered to go shopping for a new one

If you are real OP you are trapped in your life pattern but she is probably just as trapped in hers.

Ear plugs or white noise or closing windows all help. You owe her an apology for your unreasonable complaints.

I haven't RTFT but could you maybe try some sleep meds OP? I take amitriptyline and zolpidem for my sleep and it helps me not be woken up by other people going about their lives as I also have multiple conditions and really need my sleep. Ear plugs can take some getting used to but many people do get used to them if they persist. They also make a big difference to me.

If you're serious, buy her a new car.
It would solve all your problems

Let's just make this clear. Other people lives are separate to yours. They have their own schedules and responsibilities. You have no right whatsoever to try to impose your rules and schedules upon them, and it's extremely rude and ridiculous to try. You say you hate ear plugs, I bet your neighbours just love getting up so early. Try wax earplugs, try foam ear plugs, try noise cancelling earphones. Your need for excessive sleep is not their responsibility. It's on you to find a solution. Give your head a wobble, the world doesn't revolve around you. Put your big girl pants on and push your limits to find a solution.

Its 5 minutes of bother. The birds song at dawn is far longer. Also not as annoying as being woken up by traffic noise every morning when the rush hour starts - actually its often the vibrations that woke me not the noise. Or emergency vehicles with lights and possibly sirens at all hours.

YABVU

Surely you don’t expect someone to change their job or buy a new car to suit their neighbour, OP? Surely you’re on a wind up? Otherwise I am truly smacked-of-gob.

Speechless.

she does work so should have some spare money.

Are you actually serious?!?!?! Working does NOT equal having spare money! Jesus F Christ.... The entitlement is utterly flabbergasting.

I'm disabled, have a car on Motability and don't work. I also need a lot of sleep but not 12.5 hours and crucially, I know I have zero right to ask my neighbours what you're asking yours! Unbelievable

Oh dear. OP, you are being the selfish, self-centred one. She has been very polite to you, considering your outrageous comments about replacing her car or changing her working hours. She is not shouting in the middle of the night, or slamming multiple doors, or loudly revving her engine, or throwing wild parties. She is being as quiet as possible. Yet you think she should impoverish herself or put herself in harm’s way to protect your 12.5 hour overnight sleeping pattern. You are not more important than she is and your suggestions for how she can make your life more comfortable are as ridiculous as her asking you to move your bedroom elsewhere where you can’t hear her, or to grow up and get used to ear plugs.

Op, you've said that the disturbance is "cutting into your me time" and therein lies yjr the issue. You have far too much time. How do you occupy yourself?

Im suprised you have any time for me time after your 12 and a half hours sleep and looking for petty things to complain about

I am a big believer that people should be quiet, live normally and respect their neighbours. I emphatise when this is not the case, but this is out of line. This woman is going to work, it's not like she is a party animal. YABU. I can only imagine her face when you told her.

She was very kind to not just give you a giant mouthful tbh

She really doesn't sound like she's doing anything on purpose, and she is right your sokutions are all unsafe or wildly impractical for her.

Are your windows new? We got some of ours replaced after a break in to be that thick uvpc stuff and it blocks almost all noise outside- I don't even wake up to thunderstorms anymore
You can also get things to soundproof your room- it'll stop you being able to hear out as much as it keeps your noise in. Stuff like sound dampening curtains, wooden shutters, those panels you can install on walls, or the foam things you can get put up, having bookcases and extra soft furnishing in the room.
Things like that will keep your space quiet from unavoidable noise.

If you could print out this tutorial and bring it to them, it may at least help with the squeaky car door.
It says mot to grease it, have a look.
https://blog.1aauto.com/car-door-squeaking-car-door-hinge/#:~:text=If%20the%20door%20is%20creaking,hinge%20with%20some%20parts%20cleaner.

I expect to read to a lot of batshit things on MN but this has to be the most insane entitled behaviour i have seen on here.

A touch more understanding on the Op's side wouldnt go amiss, her neighbours leaving for work a 04.30 in the morning, in her old car with a creaky door, helping to pay the taxes that pay for her to lay in bed most of the day and pay for her brand new mobility car parked on her drive.
Absolute liberty to be fair.

You are being ridiculous, get ear plugs, the silicone ones are amazing. Or move to somewhere with no neighbours, most people have to work. You choose to sleep for 12.5 hours, she chooses a job that starts early (I do too as I’m an early bird).

Sometimes I wonder if people just write made up stories on here to get a reaction, because this is actually disgusting behaviour towards a hardworking neighbour. If this is true, no wonder this country is so messed up. No one can give each other a break? Most people going to work at 4am would change it in a heartbeat if they could!

Given the state of our country and people's finances, there are a lot of people on the verge of struggling with mental health, who have no help and no option but to work, they get on with the day to day. You never know what your neighbour is going through or how it affects her to sort out her kids in the evening then wake crack of dawn to leave them.

Oh my good god. I would have bet my life on it that this was a reverse. I can't believe this is real. Of course you're being unreasonable!!!!!!!

..just to add, she's said she can't help her job and she can't afford to change her car and she's right she shouldn't have to park down the road!! Even IF it was safe to she shouldn't have to!!! Good god how can you be so entitled?!?! I am annoyed for your poor neighbour.