Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call my neighbour selfish

457 replies

Fedupandgrumpy1 · 21/09/2023 19:36

We live in a quiet street with about 10 houses in. I have mobility issues and also struggle with my MH. It's important for me to have as much sleep as possible so I tend to go to bed at 10.30pm and don't get up until about 11am.

Very recently a family moved in next door. They have 3 children who are lovely and not a problem. But their mother annoys me and I feel she is being selfish. She works strange hours and most days leaves the house to go to work at 4.30am. She drives an old car and the doors creaks when she opens it. She then normally sits in the car with it running for 5 mins before driving off. The father is fine.

I have spoken to her and told her about my health issues and have asked her to consider changing her working hours, replace her car or to park her car in a road away from the house. She said she was sorry that she disturbs me but she cannot change her working hours due to the nature of her job. She said they can't afford to replace the car and as its an old car she has to warm it up before going anywhere. She admits the door creaks and said that oiling is didn't help. She is not willing to park away from home and she doesn't think its safe to walk on her own early in the morning with no streetlights.

She is making me more poorly. I am now having to sleep a bit in the afternoon due go being disturbed and as a result am missing out on me time.

What can I do about it? I'm fed up of her selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 21/09/2023 22:59

I too have a disability and part of it is that I have sleep problems, even with meds to help. So I understand some of the challenges you're facing, @Fedupandgrumpy1 Even so, I'm amazed that you think it reasonable to give your neighbour three options and to essentially tell her she's got to choose one of them. She has option 4 too, which is to continue to go about her business which she's absolutely entitled to do.
My neighbour used to leave at 4.30am for work. It took a couple of weeks for me to get used to the dog being let into the garden, doors closing, car starting. Then I slept through it. It would never have occurred to me to ask him to swap shifts or not let the dog into the garden etc. It's part of living on a street with other houses.
I think you need to move bedroom if you can do so you're not overlooking where your neighbour's car is. If not, then thick curtains to block noise, white noise on your phone, ear plugs, whatever you need to do, essentially simply accepting that you're going to wake up for probably 10ish minutes as she leaves for work and training yourself to fall back asleep once she's gone, are what's needed. You don't say how long this has been going on for but I don't think you've given yourself time to get used to the background sounds.
And, quite honestly, you owe your poor neighbour a bunch of flowers and a huge apology. She has a right to go about her business without harassment and your demands aren't far off that.

isitshe · 21/09/2023 22:59

wildeatheart · 21/09/2023 22:48

Someone please tell me this bullshit is a joke??

Yeah, after reading this reply:

Fedupandgrumpy1 · Today 20:13

I don't have the money to buy her a new car. Mine is on the mobility scheme so I don't even have my own car but appreciate that the scheme helps me. I do know that I wouldn't be able to afford a car myself so I know its not easy, but she does work so should have some spare money.

It sounds like somebody bored and on the wind-up

Juicyj1993 · 21/09/2023 23:02

YABVU she has to go to work and you cannot expect her to change her working hours/make a major purchase/put herself in potential danger, for someone who is not her responsibility/is able to sleep in the afternoon/could find their own solution.

Also if you are getting up at 11am, even if she left for work at a more 'normal' time like 8am she would disturb you. Realistically she wouldn't be able to leave for work until atleast 11am (and and make sure she is back by 1030pm) which would limit her options considerably.

Redglitter · 21/09/2023 23:06

Coulditreallybe · 21/09/2023 22:26

are you neurodivergent @Fedupandgrumpy1 ?

No just an entitled CF

Dora33 · 21/09/2023 23:06

You seem to think your neighbour should make work & expenses changes to suit you but you won't consider wearing ear plugs because you don't like them.
Your neighbour is having to get up very early for work & driving an old car and you think she should be able to buy a new car. Unfortunately many people can't afford to buy new cars.
If inwas your neighbour, I would be avoiding any discussions with you in the future.

Expecting the neighbour to park away from her driveway and walk in the dark to it at 4.30am is unacceptable.
Move your bedroom to a room at the back of your house maybe.

iminvestednow · 21/09/2023 23:08

like others have said, there is no way this could be real, no one with an ounce of self awareness could possibly suggest someone change their work hours to suit someone’s entitled lifestyle. You get disability payments specifically to give you extra money to make sure you can afford to make adaptions so you can cope with normal things that others wouldn’t be bothered by. This might include spending money on extra soundproofing or triple glazing. You cannot expect you neighbours to be quiet for the 12hrs you need to sleep! This must be a wind up!

fairydust11 · 21/09/2023 23:10

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 21/09/2023 22:59

I too have a disability and part of it is that I have sleep problems, even with meds to help. So I understand some of the challenges you're facing, @Fedupandgrumpy1 Even so, I'm amazed that you think it reasonable to give your neighbour three options and to essentially tell her she's got to choose one of them. She has option 4 too, which is to continue to go about her business which she's absolutely entitled to do.
My neighbour used to leave at 4.30am for work. It took a couple of weeks for me to get used to the dog being let into the garden, doors closing, car starting. Then I slept through it. It would never have occurred to me to ask him to swap shifts or not let the dog into the garden etc. It's part of living on a street with other houses.
I think you need to move bedroom if you can do so you're not overlooking where your neighbour's car is. If not, then thick curtains to block noise, white noise on your phone, ear plugs, whatever you need to do, essentially simply accepting that you're going to wake up for probably 10ish minutes as she leaves for work and training yourself to fall back asleep once she's gone, are what's needed. You don't say how long this has been going on for but I don't think you've given yourself time to get used to the background sounds.
And, quite honestly, you owe your poor neighbour a bunch of flowers and a huge apology. She has a right to go about her business without harassment and your demands aren't far off that.

I completely agree with this.
The only person being unreasonable is you op.
I can’t believe you don’t wear ear plugs but expect your neighbour to either change her working hours, buy a new car or park away from the house!
Heres a suggestion for you, why don’t you move rooms, or even house if you don’t want to wear ear plugs.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 21/09/2023 23:11

Oh wow

letthemalldoone · 21/09/2023 23:11

FFS!!!!

FarEast · 21/09/2023 23:12

The simplest solution is for you to move house @Fedupandgrumpy1

Oh? you don’t like that suggestion?

Because after all, as you’ve pointed out to us all, it’s your neighbours job to look after you - her taxes pay for your car, so why shouldn’t she just organise her whole life around you.

NoonaNeomuYeppeo · 21/09/2023 23:15

This has to be a wind up 🤔

lilmadmel · 21/09/2023 23:16

Change your sleep hours? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Foreverhope1 · 21/09/2023 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thisuser · 21/09/2023 23:18

have you considered moving home?

Hercisback · 21/09/2023 23:19

You exct someone to change their work hours? Wow. The entitlement is strong here.

FOJN · 21/09/2023 23:21

I am now having to sleep a bit in the afternoon due go being disturbed and as a result am missing out on me time.

Most of your demands were too unreasonable to be believable but I think this is where you really over egged the pudding.

MoiraRosesBaybay · 21/09/2023 23:22

If you are sleeping into late morning then surely there must be other noises that wake you. Other neighbours etc. I have a tiny bit of sympathy as my neighbours get up at a similar hour. However I can cope. The engine running for 5 minutes would annoy me but no way would I ask the neighbour to change her shift.

Luckypom · 21/09/2023 23:24

Poor attempt. I guess you got what you wanted with all the replies 😉 enjoy your moment

Moveoverdarlin · 21/09/2023 23:24

She might also have MH issues, but the poor woman is getting up at 4.30am and cracking the fuck on with life, not sleeping in until 11am. I can’t believe you think ‘buying a new car’ is a legitimate option or ‘choosing different hours’. You think she’s getting up at 4am because she loves it? Jesus! She has three children and expect she’d give her right arm for a lie-in. I can’t actually believe you would have another woman walk in the dark in the middle of the night to another street so as not to disturb YOU!

If you’re telling her to buy a new car, why don’t you buy a new house? In a rural area, without these hard-working neighbours disturbing you.

Naddd · 21/09/2023 23:34

You cannot be serious with your suggestions?

Yellownotblue · 21/09/2023 23:34

Have you tried sleeping under a bridge? Apparently it works for some 😁

Deathbyfluffy · 21/09/2023 23:35

I’d have told you to fuck off, then fitted a massive silly exhaust to my car. 😆

Getoffmyroofbirdsyouwokemeup · 21/09/2023 23:41

Oh wow, probably THE most entitled thread I've ever seen

"but she does work so should have some spare money"

🙄what are you on? Plenty of people are struggling and have mental health issues and they probably don't ask their neighbours bat shit questions like these. She is obviously working those hours because it suits her family and you think she's going to change them for YOU? do you think she wants to be driving an old car?!

Girlking · 21/09/2023 23:41

This has got to be the most selfish, entitled thing I have ever read on mumsnet.
You have got some nerve…
I feel sorry for your neighbours!

AprQ · 21/09/2023 23:44

You’re so mad this is absolutely unbelievable. My GOD you’re lucky she didn’t laugh in your face and drive off. Don’t you have any shame? You sound like my entitled mum