Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For calling my wife ‘sick’ over her opinion?

220 replies

BenefitDad · 20/09/2023 19:31

She’s of the opinion that’s it’s strange , borderline ‘emotional incest’ and damn right weird, if an adult son takes their mom out for a meal alone, like just the two of them. She considers this ‘dating’

isnt this completely normal?

OP posts:
FootprintsOnTheCeiling · 20/09/2023 20:52

Does your wife have a son? I’d be concerned about her feelings towards him if she does.

Whalesong · 20/09/2023 20:52

Am I the only one who thinks this is a weird reverse sparked by the American Football mum in tight jeans and high heels who jumped on her son after his team won a game and wrapped her legs around him for all the world to see? There's been a massive debate on various platforms between those who have labelled it "sick" and those who think it's "normal".
The timing of this post makes me wonder.

AutumnalEquinox · 20/09/2023 20:53

I go out shopping with my DS's on their own, and then we go out somewhere posh for lunch. It is not weird, it's lovely.

Your wife basically wants to deny you a relationship with your mum and is being manipulative in the way she is going about it.

Your poor mum.

Jesseweneedtocook · 20/09/2023 20:54

Screamingabdabz · 20/09/2023 19:37

it might be a bit weird if she were still married to his dad and dad was not invited…

What??? So a son and his mother can't have a nice relationship together and enjoy each other's company without dad also being there??

How weird.

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 20/09/2023 20:54

Not weird for a son to take his mum out for a meal. Never heard that take before.

Nanaof1 · 20/09/2023 20:55

BenefitDad · 20/09/2023 19:31

She’s of the opinion that’s it’s strange , borderline ‘emotional incest’ and damn right weird, if an adult son takes their mom out for a meal alone, like just the two of them. She considers this ‘dating’

isnt this completely normal?

My DH has taken his Mom out for a meal, many, many times over the years. It is not strange or unusual at all. It gets her out of the house, gives them a chance to talk and really visit without his Mom thinking she needs to do a chore or "wait" on her DS. I used to take my Mom out for meals also.

Now, anyone thinking that it is "dating", borderline emotional incest, or weird, has some issues themselves that need addressing. I would be questioning their mental acuity and stability.

Zanatdy · 20/09/2023 20:55

What?! My eldest son and I go on holiday together and share a room shock horror - obviously twin beds. I go out for meals with one of my son’s all the time, sometimes all together, sometimes just us. This is perfectly normal and your partner has a serious issue

Original poster
BenefitDad · 20/09/2023 20:55

Wow so many replies

ive literally never taken my mom anywhere since we’ve been married, I casually mentioned once to my wife when when was passing by, “I took my mom there for lunch” and later on she said that’s weird

I have my own house, Im not that close to my mom, but much closer than my wife and her mom are. Tbh, most of her opinions of family are skewed, I won’t go into why exactly but she’s not the most family oriented and finds normal relationships with families weird.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 20/09/2023 20:55

minipeony · 20/09/2023 20:51

Whose child?! What?

Edited
Show quote history

I assumed OP was a lesbian and the Mum in the scenario. My bad 😂

Bored1000 · 20/09/2023 20:56

I think most mothers would be delighted if their adult sons invited them out for dinner!
Does she have a lot of strange views and opinions, Is she from a culture where it’s not the done thing
Is she a bit prudish?

ImWally6 · 20/09/2023 20:58

No not weird at all to go out with your mum. I think your wife is weird though to even suggest it's weird. I go walking with my Dad because my Mum is housebound and he loves walking. If anyone ever told me it's weird I'd tell them to eff off. No one will ever dictate to me how or when I spend time with my parents and if my fiance did then I'd be looking for a new partner. My ex did all that to me and I got shut. If someone tries to isolate you from your family then it's alarm bells central as far as I'm concerned.

CurlewKate · 20/09/2023 20:59

It's important to remember that Mumsnetters generally don't approve have men having any sort of relationship with their family of origin and particularly with their mothers. They are supposed to be content with their "little family." Any sign of affection to their mothers means a call to "cut the apron strings" because they are "mummy's boys."

Nanaof1 · 20/09/2023 21:01

BenefitDad · 20/09/2023 20:55

Wow so many replies

ive literally never taken my mom anywhere since we’ve been married, I casually mentioned once to my wife when when was passing by, “I took my mom there for lunch” and later on she said that’s weird

I have my own house, Im not that close to my mom, but much closer than my wife and her mom are. Tbh, most of her opinions of family are skewed, I won’t go into why exactly but she’s not the most family oriented and finds normal relationships with families weird.

Edited

I pity you, OP. Her views on "family" are skewed but yet, you and her ARE a family.
I can only hope there are no children involved, since she'll just give them the same twisted, weird, unstable view on families.

ImWally6 · 20/09/2023 21:02

Also my fiance takes his mum for lunch frequently because she is run ragged by her entire family and she lost her Mum. We are the only ones that don't demand anything of her. He enjoys spending time with her one on one without his 5 siblings and numerous babies all the time.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 20/09/2023 21:03

I meet my son every Friday after work for a meal down the local pub. I finish Friday for the weekend 3pm he finishes Friday 5 pm for the weekend we have dinner a few beers and off home .
At no point have I ever thought this incest.
I actually pay for it . I WISH he'd pay once in a while 😀

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 20/09/2023 21:05

Was she by any chance asking if you would take her out to dinner ? When did you last do that ?

sandyhappypeople · 20/09/2023 21:11

I'd shut that down asap if I were you, no good can come from people having those kinds of opinions.

My step mum was incredibly jealous person and I could never have any sort of relationship with my dad because of it, we were never allowed to be alone together, I used to dread it if I inadvertently got a slightly bigger piece of meat/food during dinner as she'd openly accuse him of favouring me over her, one day I was upset about something and he put his arm round me and she started slamming around then exploded that we 'look like a couple and it was disgusting' .. she was deranged.

I know the setup is different, but the weird outlook on it is definitely a red flag to more deep rooted issues.

whilingawaytime · 20/09/2023 21:13

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 20/09/2023 21:05

Was she by any chance asking if you would take her out to dinner ? When did you last do that ?

That's not how you ask to be taken out for dinner

CrunchyCarrot · 20/09/2023 21:13

My DP takes his mother out for dinner occasionally! Why not? Why are perfectly normal things being put in the 'weird' bin.

Popsickletwee · 20/09/2023 21:15

My son is 10 he is my favourite person to have a deep but random conversation with I can’t wait to do dinner etc when he is older!

Lndnmummy · 20/09/2023 21:16

Completely normal. My dh takes his mum out for dinner all the time. She comes on holiday with him too.

I take my dad out for dinner whenever I can.

Wexone · 20/09/2023 21:17

would love it if my husband did this. it would mean an evening to myself. watch what I want on telly and don't have to cook dinner (which I hate )
on a more serious note my husband calls into his mother most days she lives alone and is passing and has a cup of tea with her nearly every day..don't do it to my own mother (huge history there) but don't mind it for my husband

SlippySarah · 20/09/2023 21:21

My dad and I go out for dinner all the time. He comes to visit and helps with DIY and gardening then I take him out for a curry. Win-win situation.

PlanofAction842196 · 20/09/2023 21:24

How does your wife believe that single parents & single people go out for meals

Weird

MeMySonAnd1 · 20/09/2023 21:25

well… it depends, I asume you are the son taking mum out for dinner alone.

That is ok as long as you are also taking your wife out alone from time to time and you are not overspending on your mum at the detriment of the family finances.

If you are taking your mum to restaurants but never do that for your wife, I can see why she is resentful.