For calling my wife ‘sick’ over her opinion?

[BenefitDad]

She’s of the opinion that’s it’s strange , borderline ‘emotional incest’ and damn right weird, if an adult son takes their mom out for a meal alone, like just the two of them. She considers this ‘dating’

isnt this completely normal?

YABU to be so disparaging of your wife and calling her sick.

I’m not going to join in your little game because it’s obvious you’ve left out the context to skew the vote in your favour. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not necessarily, but I wonder about the background.

But I got ripped to shreds on here when I voiced my opinion it was grim that my (married) MIL insisted on sharing a hotel room with my DH when her husband was unable to attend a family event.

I'm now v low contact with MIL and still pissed off about that incident. I am absolutely fine with the odd occasions he takes her out for a meal on her own though, and I am just thrilled I don't have to attend.

I have lunch once a week or fortnight with my adult son. We spend the day together as he accompanies me on a hike with the dogs, then we have lunch somewhere and then I take him shopping and then home.

He's 28 and it's a lovely catch up with him.

Absolutely nothing wrong wrong with that and your wife is a freak if she disapproved.

I also do the same with one of my step daughters on a separate day.

My daughter and other step children live further afield.

Not only is it ok it's fabulous!

Yes, it's normal.

I do this a lot as we both love gastronomy and we can talk about food for hours whilst analysing and critiquing the food we order.

This feels very much like a cut-and-paste taken from Reddit.

Assuming it's genuine, though - I'm sorry, but anyone saying 'Well, DO you see too much of your mother?' or 'We need to know the context before we judge' is being ridiculous. Even if the OP is a massive mummy's boy, dinner with his mother is not 'a date' and it's not 'emotional incest'. There are certainly circumstances in which it's reasonable to suggest that a partner sees way too much of their parent or has a clingy relationship with them, but it would still not be reasonable to refer to a son going for a meal with his mum 'a date' or to suggest that a close relationship with a parent is 'emotional incest'.

Unless the 'context' is 'Well, my mom I and did have sex regularly up until I married my wife' - which a) seems unlikely and b) would mean dinner was the least of the OP's worries.

FWIW, my abusive ex accused me repeatedly of having an affair with my brother because I went for a drink with him every couple of months. If I told someone and they said 'Well, obviously there's more context, do you have a weird relationship with your brother? I'd like to hear your ex's side of this' I would, quite frankly, think that person was a total cunt.

some people are just fucking weird.

my brothers (now ex) wife thought our relationship was 'borderline incestuous' because we'd spend social time together occasionally without her or my H at the time.

Of course it's not strange, it's just an adult having a close and affectionate relationship with a parent. Your wife's standards for what is normal are skewed. Did she have abusive or indifferent parents?

No, nothing weird about that at all to people from normal families.

Unless it’s a super romantic restaurant it’s not weird at all. I have two boys and can only hope they want to go out for dinner with me when they are older 🥰

DS bought me a McDonalds last week. We sat at the table and ate together. Does she think that's weird too?

Good Lord. What would your wife make of me? I went on a cruise with my Dad to celebrate his retirement.

Exactly this.

Clearly there is more to this! It's obviously not about one mother / son dinner. I imagine there are many more examples your DW could add to this conversation to give a more balanced view.

I've witnessed MIL's actually insist their son (married) spends Valentine's Day with her. Just the two of them. At a swanky restaurant. Also, same with Father's Day come to think about it!! THAT'S weird!

It’s not weird.
It’s much weirder for your wife to think eating a meal with her son is sexual in any way.

All fine as long as you don’t refer to it as a date.

That would be as weird as those people who call going out with their child a date. I saw someone refer to her son as her Valentine date this year and that gave the The Ick. Same things.

Since when has eating out with someone else automatically meant dating?!

I eat out with my daughter, I'm not dating her. I eat out with my male friend, I'm not dating him. I eat out with my best friend, I'm not dating her.

Your wife clearly has some weird issues going on. Good luck with that.

You do need to take your wife out more than your mother.

Why?

Or those women who are Mils insisting their married sons take them on a valentines meal…may have been controlling weird Dils as well.

Do you think awful Mils just becomes controlling and weird out of nowhere? Or do you think there’s a possibility they were also controlling and weird as dils? And said things that to try and stop their husbands having any sort dp relationship with their family? Before then having kids and becoming obsessed with the child?

Impossible to say without more info.
In many cases, of course it's normal and fine.
In relationships with Mommies' boys, very likely to be one of many things that causes problems.

Unless you’re Liz Hurley’s son, it’s totally fine.

My brother is an adult with a busy job living across town, married with kids, he has a good relationship to mom (she's a busy woman with many hobbies) and sometimes he's taken out for lunch to catch up with her, talk about grand kids, late developments, family stuff, his job etc... Where's the problem? Your wife sounds weird. Of course all depends on the context. If the son is a teenager living at moms house, no job etc.. I would think it's a tad unusual. Again: context.

Maybe the wife needs to make an effort?

I can't wait for my son to take me out to dinner in future.

And no, it's not weird.

Unless you are prioritising your mum over your wife all the time then it shouldn't annoy her - but this last bit is key.

How odd of her!

Emotional incest is a real thing and can be very harmful, but it relates to making a child take the role of a spouse or partner i.e. confiding in a child about adult problems for example. An adult son taking his mum out for a meal is a perfectly normal, lovely thing to do.