To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

You are not at all unreasonable. You're catering for him, not just expecting him not to eat!

If they want everything dairy free then they're welcome to host.

No I wouldn’t accommodate it and I wouldn’t expect people to do that for my DC. I’d be disappointed to eat a dairy free Christmas dinner. Unfortunately he has to get used to not being able to eat what others can

Your family are bonkers op. Serve him a suitable pizza. Every 9 yo's dream ime.

No, I wouldn't because a) he's going to have to get used to not being able to eat everything and b) it's rather rude and demanding of your DB and SIL. Let them cook instead.

They are being unreasonable about the cake but not about the mash or roast potatoes- they are the main meal!

Your SIL is a pita. You have given them a number of options, they need to pick one and you need to tell your brother he is an ass for getting your parents involved. Presumably he is trying to bully you into doing what his wife wants, screw that. I do love a MN thread when people are actually prepared to stand up for themselves.

YANBU. You were intending to fully cater for him! It’s not you causing any issues here.

Not remotely unreasonable. Tell them to cook the bloody dinner this year!!

I have an allergy, and at Christmas dinner there are things I can't eat. I'd never expect them to not be served. Especially when someone else is going to the trouble of making a dinner for loads of people.

Yanbu. They accept what you are prepared to offer or they have Christmas at home or they host.

Cheeky fuckers.

You can buy vegan ready made mash and same for roast potatoes

You're not unreasonable at all. Sad as it is, the child will always experience only being able to eat from a limited menu when in restaurants etc., even in supermarkets he won't be able to pick anything he wants. To go out of your way to ensure there are some dairy free products he can eat, so that he's still having a three course meal is the maximum I'd expect somebody to go to when catering to my child's dietary needs. I wouldn't expect everybody else to have to eat something they might not enjoy as much, and that requires much more effort from the host.

CFs.

I would.

Tonnes of dairy free options now.

Christmas dinner is about family, togetherness and sharing.

Adults can cope for one meal for the sake of that.

Your suggestion of DB cooking or hosting are exactly what I would have done too.

Unfortunately your DN will have to learn that he can’t have everything and that the world won’t change to cater for him, he will have to adapt learn and manage his own intolerances.

Tell them they're welcome to pre-prep their own dairy free stuff and bring it with them.

It's so completely out of order to dictate what everyone else does/doesn't eat on what can be arguably the most special meal of the year!

Honestly? It rather sounds as though it is someone else’s turn to host.

I know that Christmas is technically twelve days but the main bit of it is Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. And that’s all. It’s weird that your family have already started falling out with you over three days in three months.

Then they can host!

I was going to make him his own little bowl of mash and roast potatoes. It would’ve too much work to do this for one person.

I buy the prepared mash and add some cream for everyone and buy the trays of pre done roasties. They are so easy and I really like them. I am not sure if you can get dairy free versions - the M&S Christmas shop isn’t up yet!

his meal wouldn’t be too different.

Cheeky fuckers! How about you carry on exactly as you were and your nephew’s parents bring his plated up dairy free meal?

As you are pre ordering, I'd send them a list of the items on M&S site so they can check ingredients.

"Here is a list of everything I will be serving. If any of these dishes are unsuitable for DN, please bring along an alternative for him which I'll heat up and plate for him"

They'll end up rearing a spoilt brat.
Your approach and suggestions are all excellent.

YANBU, I’d give the options of them providing suitable dishes for their DS or they do their own meal at their own house.

You have accommodated..... making a separate dish for your nephew is accommodating and I think what you have suggested sounds really nice.

Your nephew needs to get used to the fact that there will be things he cannot eat throughout his life, and so do his parents.

They are not only being unreasonable, they're being self centered and ungrateful. Don't entertain it, you've given them options and they're adults, let them be mad but don't provide for them whilst they are.

My niece has all sorts of food intolerances and allergies (she also has difficulty chewing and digesting getting due to pervasive muscle weakness). But she knows what she can't eat and there has never been a concession that no one else can eat other foods that she can't.
There's not a lot of diary in Christmas dinner - bread sauce I suppose. Surely giving the child an alternative dessert is good enough?
But also I frankly don't see why you can't do at least the mash from scratch - or get your partner to do it.
Your sister is ruining the holiday - you aren't.

You've offered to make sure his meal is dairy free, what more do they want? They should be teaching their child about their intolerance rather than teaching them that the world will bow down and take everything else off the menu. As if.

Ready made Marks roasties are probably dairy free anyway, but mash? I would want proper butter and cream in my mash, just like it should be

Often these 'free from' foods contain much higher UPFs than other ready made stuff because the additives are all UPFs, like fake cheese and butter

OP is right, she can get portions fo rhim that he can eat and the rest of the group eat the usual stuff.