To not make Christmas dinner dairy free??

[Bellyblueboy]

Very early I know! I cater Christmas dinner every year for my family. I am single and child free but I host for my parents, brother, sister and their families. My parents stay with me for a few nights. It’s a lot of work.

My nine year old nephew was diagnosed as lactose intolerant this year. So of course I will be researching this and making sure his starter, main and desert is lactose free. I even thought of putting little flags in bowls that are lactose free. I was going to order little flags with a picture of a cow crossed out! Make it fun.

my SIL has said it will be unfair if there is food on the table that he can’t eat so the whole meal has to be dairy free.

I order Black Forest gateau every year - my parents love it. Apparently no. He never eats it - I get kid friendly deserts for the four children.

I am a lazy cook - I get the whole meal from marks and Spencer! Prepared mash the lot. I am now told I can’t do this as there are milk products in the mashed and roast potatoes. It would be a huge amount of work to do everything from scratch, I don’t want that to be my Christmas Day and my cooking skills aren’t up to it.

I have said no - this is what I am doing. My brother is now annoyed that i won’t bend to his wife’s demands and have ruined Christmas. I had said he is welcome to come to my house and do the cooking, or host. Or eat at his house then come for coffee and presents. He has told on me! My mum is upset that she won’t have all her family round her at Christmas - dad was ill this year and they have been looking forward to a relaxing Christmas! Agh. It’s only September.

rant over. But honestly give it to me straight am I a selfish child hating spinster! Would you all accommodate this???

Well now you are being mean! It’s awful to invite someone for Christmas then pick a turkey they can’t share. Especially when meat is naturally dairy free and you can easily get a turkey that hasn’t been basted in butter. I agree with your inlaws now, you just don’t want to make any effort to include him

I thought this meant one turkey is basted in dairy and one won’t be which is very accommodating.

So he will be getting a meal that looks like yours, but dairy free. And they are moaning? That would be enough for me to tell them all to get to fuck to be honest.

YANBU.

🤣 my brother would go nuts.

my sister and BIL arrive with arms full of wine and champagne. Brother arrives pretty much empty handed.

I am a generous host - and they come again on Boxing Day for another meal (which I haven’t yet even thought about!!).

brother drinks the house dry on both days.

I love the house being full of noise and children and mess. But as I said it’s a lot of work. I am a micromeal after work at 9pm sort of person so all this cooking and entertaining is stressful.

This is the best way forward….

I personally would suck it up and do the spuds myself, but that isn’t the point, your sister is being an arse

SIL BiL and your mum are all being U, even more so after your update!

You are accommodating him completely - how ungrateful of them to make these further unreasonable demands.

Totally not being unreasonable at all. That's a huge demand and what for if he won't even eat the adult food? You've already told her you will do his meal lactose free and yet that isn't good enough. Plus lactose free stuff is ridiculously expensive, it would cost you a fortune to do the whole of Xmas dinner like that unnecessarily.
She is being a pain, so just don't have them round if what you are doing already isn't good
enough.

Oh and tell your brother he’s not getting in without a couple of bottles of wine the cheap sod

You can get prepared food without dairy. The Sainsbury's taste the difference roasties are basted in goose fat only. I think a little adaptation might make your life easier - then you'll only have to double up on preparing the mash, for example.

No, that would be fine. OP said she wants to buy two turkeys that are basted in butter and give her nephew a chicken breast.

The best thing for a child with allergies is to learn that they can't eat everything put in front of them and have to ask if it's suitable not living in a made up world where everything is safe. This is more relevant for life threatening allergies but still a good skill for him to acquire

I agree. Your nephew doesn't have to eat the Black Forest gateau and I don't see a problem if there is something else available for him. But if you usually serve both roast and mashed potatoes, I think it would be unreasonable not to do one of these yourself, especially as it is so quick and easy to make either and would hardly impact on your preparation time.

She said both are basted in butter so she’d make a separate chicken breast for him.

TBH, I missed this bit when I first commented and I actually think getting the main bit - turkey - and the sides - potatoes - full of dairy and giving him small, sad individual dishes is a bit unfair. I say this as someone with coeliac disease. I don’t expect everything to be gf, obviously. But it’s not a nice feeling when I get some sad alternative to what other people are eating. I am grateful for the effort, but definitely feel left out.

Why not do as poster above thought you were doing? One turkey crown basted in butter, one in something else?

Get him some of these, and crack on with your normal meal: https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/milkaid-junior-lactase-enzyme-chewable-strawberry-tablets-60044691/

You sound lovely and inclusive.
Your SIL ans Brother are CFs!

Of course you're not unreasonable. Yes it's sad for the nephew of course but I'm sure he wouldn't expect everyone else to eat dairy free because he has to! It's Christmas and everyone deserves a treat. You're offering to cater for him.

Your brother and his wife are being entitled CFs.

Ask your sister in law to bring replacement dairy free items to those you have that aren't

We have members of our family that need to be gluten free, they've unfortunately had to get used to the fact that they can't always eat everything. It's harsh sometimes but it's no one's fault, it's just how it is.

The is no way I would dictate this for everyone just because my child may have special dietary requirements, and I don't care if people say 'you tailor everything just because of one allergy, someone is a vegan, has decided they can't eat any food that starts with a' or whatever there is not need

And if someone says 'but they will die if they come into contact within 25miles of a certain food' the person would have to live in a bubble on a desert island

YANBU. Part of being intolerant/allergic is learning that you just can't eat everything

I'd imagine you will be able to buy ready prepared roast potatoes that are dairy free for example for vegans.

As for dessert, just buy a separate one for him.

Does he take lactase enzyme tablets for when he can't avoid dairy? This is also an option.

OP, it is definitely your brother’s turn to host I reckon. You are providing a very similar but dairy free meal for your nephew. This will be extra work for you but you’re obviously fine with that to ensure he’s catered for. Your brother can either accept the invitation (for a free meal with dietary requirements catered for) or he can decline. I wouldn’t be giving in to him, and I think it’s quite bad your mum has tried to put pressure on you too. Does she have form for emotional blackmail?

What would they have too?

If child was unable to be in the same location as milk then that's different

Not sure of you can give them to kids but I have several friends who ar lactose intolerant and they can take a tablet which allows them to eat lactose for a certain number of hours afterwards with no ill results. Might that solve the issue?