Very naughty teen being rewarded!!

[heavenhelpmenow]

My SIL took on her niece as a baby due to her mum being very ill. She's lived with her ever since. The girl is now 14 and behaving really badly. She vapes, stays out at night, has to be found and brought home by police, steals and beats up my SIL. The girl breaks stuff around the home when she doesn't get her way. She's been expelled from 2 schools already. When anyone talks to her she is full of bad attitude, swears and calls people horrid names for no reason. She had an assessment that found nothing wrong with her other than acting out. She apparently has a 31 year old boyfriend! Social services have sent her to a private school and are paying for her aunt and her to go on a nice holiday. The girl is still playing up and being awful. SIL had a black eye and cut lip just yesterday.Does anybody else think this is rewarding bad behaviour? I just can't believe this is what they do now!!

Even if she’s had a nice upbringing with her wonderful aunt, she was still separated from her main care giver as an infant (this can be traumatising even if they don’t remember it). Also maybe having no father figure has affected her more than is realised if she has a boyfriend old enough to be her dad?!
Does she receive any therapy/counselling?
hopefully at the new school she can change her behaviour and turn her life around, but maybe some mental health support would be helpful too!

She wasn't taken from her aunt, she still lives in the family home and comes home like at a state school. The exclusions were due to her bullying other kids and punching them! What on earth am I jealous of? I'm just pointing out her awful behaviour and that her childhood was idylic so she doesn't come from a terrible background.

OP, I am and have been dealing with this for 15 years and if you were my family member I would be even more outspoken - she is NOT a brat, she is suffering loss, trauma and feelings of rejection and abandonment. Just be thankful it never happened to you or your children

No idea why you’re so angry about your poor niece, or what specifically you’re doing to help her, but lashing out at posters here is making yourself come across embarrassingly badly. Being removed from her parent is trauma, she’s being allowed contact with a paedophile. Hopefully social services intervene even more to keep her safe.

Idyllic is not having no dad and a mum who’s too unwell to take care of you, and then being groomed and most likely raped at 14. Instead of being ‘fed up’ at the replies try listening to them! She isn’t just a brat, and you are UR here. Maybe take a look at yourself and why you harbour such shitty feelings to a troubled child.

OP her childhood may have been idylic in your eyes but not in hers. In hefrfs she wants to be living with her mum and dad like any other child. Whatever you say she is damaged.

No childhood where the child has two living parents who cannot or will not care for them is 'idyllic'.

OP not being raised by your own mother is deeply traumatic, no matter how 'idylic' her life may seem to you. You need to do some reading on the subject.

Yeah, sounds really idyllic. 🙄

She is obviously a very vulnerable child in need of help. She is also being groomed by an adult man who has probably also sexualy assaulted her
She needs help she isn't being rewarded they are trying to remove her from a very dangerous situation.

An idyllic childhood doesn't include being sexually abused.

This.

The OP clearly isn't very bright.

You say nothing bad has happened in her childhood, but she was removed from her mum as a baby and her mum never took her back. She will undoubtedly feel rejected by her mum and wonder why her mum never wanted her once she was well again. It sounds like she has attachment issues in which case it doesn’t matter how stable her life with her aunt has been, she will have subconscious trauma from being removed from her mum as a baby and ongoing feelings of rejection and confusion from the fact she is being brought up by an aunt and not her mum.

Getting independent education and respite out of a local authority is very very very difficult so they won't have moved her to a private school and given them a holiday unless it was felt the family really needed it. If she's in a private school it was probably felt local mainstreams couldn't meet her needs which indicates she does have something going on and isn't just a brat/naughty/whatever.

Its a private school - fee paying. I don't know why SS think its acceptable to send her there and I don't think she will stay due to her behaviour. The holiday is one of their choosing and they chose a cruise!

This!

She wasn't sexually abused as a child! This is very recent and SS are doing nothing about it.

Read my reply to that! She's still at home.

Okay. I'm sorry but that absolutely didn't happen.

Social services might well pay for a private setting exclusively for troubled and excluded pupils. But not a standard private school. And no, they did not pay for a cruise, unless it was a ferry crossing to France. And even that is highly unlikely.

14 is still a child! If she has a 31 year old ‘boyfriend’ then she is a child being sexually abused.

If she is only 14 with a 31 year old boyfriend then she is most certainly being sexually abused as a child!

Out of interest, how would you deal with her behaviour OP?

Oh that poor poor child. Her life has been traumatic whether you think it has been or not. Being removed from your parents, regardless of if you still see them, is extremely traumatic and has very long lasting effects.

This!

what on earth is wrong with you OP?!

If this is happening, and its a big if, then good on SS for being proactive because in my experience, getting any money from SS is nigh on impossible but it sounds like money well spent if it removes her from dangerous influences and helps restore the relationship with her aunt. Possibly they secured some funding from a charity for the holiday.It would cost far more to have her in foster care or a children;s home.