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Original poster

How did you feel at 32? I feel so old and haggered

180 replies

honeybunny8 · 14/09/2023 09:20

I've recently 'celebrated' my 32nd birthday and maybe this sounds ridiculous to older people but I just feel so old and haggered now.

I'm not young anymore. My hair has grey strands. My skin and hair has little shine and I can see my face is loosing that 'youthful' look and leaving behind someone who looks dull and tired. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper, my eyes look less bright.

I've felt down and depressed since my birthday really. I don't have children, and I feel society is still very misogynistic and treats women as almost invisible when they are no longer young if they don't have the mother role.

I feel this will be the rest of my life now, invisible and declining everyday. Once my parents pass, no one alive will care about me anymore. I'm not very sociable and never have been, so on my birthday the only 'happy birthdays' I got were from close family members.

I don't know, maybe I'm just aware of my age and mortality more with this birthday. I was ok at 30 and 31 came and went. This just feels different for some reason.

OP posts:
Lightbluegreen · 14/09/2023 09:25

I'm sorry but really. 32 is young, young, young. Over 60 here and merrily looking forward to every day. And yes, I acknowledge the societal factors you cite, which have always been with us.
Honestly you sound a bit depressed, this really isn't the usual feeling. That or too much time absorbing the MN "everything is absolutely shit" chorus

DustyLee123 · 14/09/2023 09:26

Do you work ? Do you have any ambitions there?
One thing I wish I’d done in my 30’s was get to a good weight, and find exercise that I enjoyed. I wish it had become just a part of my life.
The best face lift is a smile.

MissMillion · 14/09/2023 09:27

I dont think this is normal at all for 32. At 32 you're still young, got years and years ahead of you. Maybe some self care, hair treatments, and maybe a chat with the GP?

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/09/2023 09:28

For goodness sake woman, 32 is really young. Get yourself a decent moisturiser, do a colour gloss treatment on your hair, start a decent exercise routine, sort your diet out and get on with things.

I am 13 years older than you and don't feel old or haggarded. This weekend Mr Monkey ran a half marathon (he is 8 years older than me) and then we went to a music festival.

ApoodlecalledPenny · 14/09/2023 09:29

32? 42 I’m just beginning to notice wrinkles and grey hair (and even then, only a bit at the front). At 32 a few days of drinking lots of water, a face mask and a good nights sleep should see you right!

shams05 · 14/09/2023 09:29

You might laugh at my suggestion but have you had an iron and b12 check recently?
I didn't even know this was a thing but as soon as my b12 levels came up this depressive feeling that I had lifted and iron improved how I felt overall.

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 14/09/2023 09:31

Wait until you find your first grey pube, OP

Only trying to add a bit of a giggle to the thread

I know what you mean, there comes a point where you start feeling invisible.

I have just started my HRT journey so i have been where you are now and really you need to surrender to it, as what else can you do?

widowtwankywashroom · 14/09/2023 09:32

Bloody hell, get a fuckin grip
At 32 I hadn't even completed my family or gone to uni and got a degree!

MrsTwiggy · 14/09/2023 09:32

I'm in my mid twenties and going pretty grey now. I've been getting grey hairs since I was about 18. I also have a lot of aches and pains which seem to get worse every day.

I still feel like a happy young thing in my mid twenties though! Lots of life ahead of us yet, OP Smile

And if it helps, I feel quite invisible in many ways now I've become a mother (possibly just because I'm just less attractive now the sleepless nights have taken their toll). I find it quite liberating, though.

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/09/2023 09:32

I would recommend (if you don't already) starting a decent face care routine. I started using the full Boots Protect and Perfect range at 30 (eye cream, serum and face cream every day) and 15 years later it has defintly paid dividends. I have bright, clear skin. Yes I have some wrinkles (I'm 45 ffs) but not a huge amount.

Comedycook · 14/09/2023 09:33

I felt really good at 32. So no I don't think what you're experiencing is the norm. I'm 42 now and am starting to feel how you do.

widowtwankywashroom · 14/09/2023 09:33

Me and Mr Twanky are both 50+ loving life, going away for none stop sex, drinks and hot tubs!

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/09/2023 09:34

On aches and pains do not accept this as just a aging thing.

Make sure you get plenty of good oils in your diet and get in to a regular routine of yoga or pilates - both will strengthen the muscles around your joints, protecting them from damage.

PinkRoses1245 · 14/09/2023 09:35

I’m 32 and don’t have kids, and can’t relate to this at all. You have to make the effort! Get hair dye, get good beauty products, get outside and exercise, eat well. If you’re feeling down, see Gp or look at counselling. Find some hobbies you enjoy.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/09/2023 09:35

I’ve looked and felt the best I’ve ever looked in the years since 32! And that’s probably because I don’t take my body for granted the same way I did in my early twenties and actually take care of it: I take my makeup off every night, moisturise, take care of my teeth, I eat better, I exercise properly and focus on things like running and weights for strength, posture and bone health. But if I was still treating my body the same way I did a decade and a half ago I’d probably also feel pretty tired and haggard. It’s that sort of thing you need to get on board with.

Mynewusersame · 14/09/2023 09:35

I actually understand a bit how you are feeling (32 also) but when you think about it rationally of course we are so young. We will hopefully live to 80, and are we really meant to believe that we are only young and worthwhile in our twenties? 10 years of life?! Come on, it doesn’t make sense does it. The pressures of society are so ridiculous and it’s time to find things you enjoy that help you take care of yourself both physically and mentally - the easiest being a daily walk, lots of water and some moisturiser!

2weekstowait · 14/09/2023 09:36

You are still young. At 32, your life could go in any direction, including having children, if that's what you want.

I remember noticing some grey hair at 37, which completely shocked me. However, I'm in my 50s now and it hasn't accelerated too much. At the time, I felt I looked old and a bit haggard, but looking back on photos from that time, I don't know why I thought that because it wasn't true. Socialising doesn't have to mean hanging out with extrovert people in typical social settings - can you find something more low key that you enjoy?

Gurthnamuckla · 14/09/2023 09:37

You sound depressed, OP. At 32, I hadn’t even contemplated having children, was living most of the year in a different country to DH, was enjoying work, travel, and London life when at home. I was a runner and pretty fit. I’ve been greying since my late teens.

If you’d like more friends, go out and find some. An active hobby might help you feel better and get you meeting potential friends.

justanotherlaura · 14/09/2023 09:37

I bought a house at 33, complete career change at 34, married at 35, baby at 38 and the career change has allowed me to get a lovely big house and the money to decorate it at 39, never could have imagined all these things were possible when I was 32 and stuck in a rut in my career and personal life

There's loads of life yet to come, decide what you want to do with it and get it done!

MeinKraft · 14/09/2023 09:38

Just here for the comforting 'i am 54 and I don't look a day over 23' comments Grin

Get your vitamin levels checked OP, low b12/folate/iron is really really common and makes you feel like a bag of shite.

dothehokeycokey · 14/09/2023 09:39

Mid 40s here and I've felt like that for about two years or so.

Knackered sagging skin ,eye bags,dull complexion,and wobbly areas im hating.

I've started swimming again a few times a week and have made myself have evenings where I do self care,foot bath face pack hair mask nails done etc and good oil for my skin.

So far I'm feeling better.

I also have upped my vitamin intake and water intake and really making sure i eat better as a hectic life with a business to run and kids is bloody hard work.

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/09/2023 09:39

Also don't pay any attention to things you "should" be doing by this age. What do you WANT to do?

Illegallyblonder · 14/09/2023 09:39

I was full of energy, vitality and joie de vivre at 32! I had one child and subsequently had more. I was working FT OTH.

Usernamen · 14/09/2023 09:42

Honestly? Fucking fantastic. Celebrated my birthday in Santorini with my then ‘new’ DP (still together!). We had just come out of Covid restrictions and I was so ready to make the most of life!

I’m 34 now and still feel great.

I don’t have kids or any family problems (NC/LC with the trouble makers). I think that makes a big difference.

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 14/09/2023 09:43

As others have suggested, see your doctor to check if you have any deficiencies or hormonal conditions. What you are describing could also be a symptom of depression.

Since you asked though, at 32 I was living in New York, working in a bank. I was doing 07:00 to 17:00 each day, going for a five I’m run after work, and then going out most nights for dinner and then often going to a club until the early hours.

No children then, or responsibilities outside of work, which likely made all the difference.

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