How did you feel at 32? I feel so old and haggered

[honeybunny8]

I've recently 'celebrated' my 32nd birthday and maybe this sounds ridiculous to older people but I just feel so old and haggered now.

I'm not young anymore. My hair has grey strands. My skin and hair has little shine and I can see my face is loosing that 'youthful' look and leaving behind someone who looks dull and tired. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper, my eyes look less bright.

I've felt down and depressed since my birthday really. I don't have children, and I feel society is still very misogynistic and treats women as almost invisible when they are no longer young if they don't have the mother role.

I feel this will be the rest of my life now, invisible and declining everyday. Once my parents pass, no one alive will care about me anymore. I'm not very sociable and never have been, so on my birthday the only 'happy birthdays' I got were from close family members.

I don't know, maybe I'm just aware of my age and mortality more with this birthday. I was ok at 30 and 31 came and went. This just feels different for some reason.

Society really damages women because when I was 28 I thought I was so old. When I was 30 I thought I was really old.

Whereas men in their thirties are having the time of their life.

Now I'm 39. Next year I'm 40. I would give anything to be 32 again. Don't waste it.

I guess it depends on the person but no, I didn't feel old at 32. It's incredibly young. I'm 45 and yes I do hate the mouth wrinkles and how teeth start looking as you age but even 45 isnt exactly old.

When I was in my 20s and early 30s though I did consider myself pretty attractive and had quite a lot of confidence... And I think aging tends to bother people more who liked how they looked when they were young. I would love to get rid of some of the little wrinkles but I'm not in a position to be able to afford it.

Its funny though because I still had hangups back in my 20s about certain things which have disappeared now... Although I was slim I hated my cellulite and would never wear denim shorts... But now it doesn't bother me so much. I used to wear a face full of makeup because I felt I only looked good with it on, but now I prefer a much more natural look (I look at teenage girls faces now that are all contoured and covered in thick foundation and it makes me quite sad who young people always feel they look better that way). So perhaps although you are finding things about yourself that are making you feel less confident, perhaps you will discover other things about yourself that you like more now than you did before.

I'm 34 and feel young still, but probably look a bit old and frumpy purely as a result of being a mum to 7yo and 2yo boys that run me ragged daily!
I still enjoy exercise, I can make an effort with my appearance and look semi-alright (if I don't say so myself!) and I take care of myself as far as possible (difficult with a very intense FT job, volunteering role and 2 kids!).

I've kind of grown out of going out drinking and late nights... but I'm pretty content otherwise!

I'm 34 now. I get how you feel because I felt really shit when I hit 33, like I was just a haggard old troll exhausted from raising my 2 young children and in a rut of unhealthy habits (not exercising, not making time to do things I enjoy, snacking every evening on choc and biscuits). I went to the GP and got on setraline, that enabled me to feel much more like myself and not a low, anxious zombie and I had the motivation to sort out what I ate, take vitamins, made time to regularly exercise that in ways that I love (walking, swimming, pilates and cycling), I have a proper skin care regime that isn't complicated or expensive - products by The Ordinary have given me the best skin I've ever had in my life - and I save £50 a month to get botox every 4 months too 😂 all of that combined and I feel fab again. It's having the will power to have a mindset shift, so if you're really in a slump do reach out to your GP, have a b12 and iron level check and go from there. Life is far too short to feel like it's over in your 30s, I remind myself there are people who would give anything for one more day and that keeps me making the effort to make life fun and worthwhile.

I'm 36 , 37 next week. 3 kids and yes I felt haggered when the older two were little (small age gap). I've had a few grey strands since I was 16 but they really sprouted at 30. I dye my roots every 6 weeks and top up with a loreal cover up spray in between. There is nothing stopping you dyeing your hair. Some days I feel tired, yes but haggered no. I don't wear makeup everyday but at the very least moisturise morning and night, use a good face wash daily, under eye cream. No wrinkles so far . I treat myself to a facial and massage once a month because it makes me feel good in the way that some people would get their nails done. I started to exercise as I am several stone overweight, it's hard to make the time but i do feel better for it. I take iron and vit d as am deficient in both.

You need a visit to the gp, ask for bloods to be done to check for vitamin deficiency and maybe about your mental health. Your attitude sounds very apathetic and until that changes you won't get to where you need to be. Maybe take the time to write a list of what you would like to improve and then start slowly. Best of luck op, you can do it.

@honeybunny8
I felt like this in my early 30s too. I hadn't realised it, but I was keeping a sort of mental timeline in my head and was missing milestones on it. My mum started having kids at 29 so I somehow thought I should too, and I was stuck in a difficult job I hated and was unsuited for, in a sector with few opportunities to change job, and didn't realise how much it was sapping my confidence - I felt like I couldn't do stuff even in my downtime. I wasn't motivated to wear nice clothes to the job and felt frumpy and scruffy. My hair also started to grey around then, and I've never enjoyed messing with my appearance. My husband was intermittently ill with a chronic condition and I wasn't sure he would ever be well enough for us to have kids. I felt like I never had time to socialise and nobody apart from my husband and family would miss me if I died.

The answer was getting out of the job. I did this by having babies, but that's not the only way that would have worked. Honestly, first day of mat leave I felt SO MUCH BETTER and back to my old self almost immediately. I then had a very busy few years and even a few months of PND with my second child (still not as bad as that job) but I then returned to work in a much nicer job, built in some time for myself, and have never really felt so bad again. I'm now just as busy (more so with two kids) and do some similar things in my job but my mindset is better!

I do think you should get a facial if you fancy that. I mostly don't mind my greys but if you do, rock the dye. But sure, get your general health checked, and look at your lifestyle and see if something is insidiously sapping your energy. And whether you actually want what you think you "should" want. Do you want kids? Are you oppressed by a mother or MIL asking when you'll get on with it but actually you don't want them? Have you always wanted to do (pottery, furniture restoration, Glastonbury) and something's holding you back?

I hope you can re-find your sparkle. It might well be as simple as getting a facial and booking a holiday to look forward to, and then gradually building in more things that feed your spirit. Good luck.

I sort of get what you mean. Between 30-32 I felt fantastic. I had such a youthful outlook and energy and felt like my whole life was ahead of me. However when I was 33 I became really ill out of the blue. I was eventually diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and had to have major abdominal surgery to get rid of it all just before I turned 34. I had a long recovery and even though I'm doing better I still have some problems including pain and fatigue. I have just turned 35 now and I have this feeling that this is "it" now for my life and that I'm only going to go downhill from here. I do think though in my case it's related to living with my condition as well as the stress and trauma I went through with it. I don't want children and I've been told I might struggle to get pregnant anyway because of the endometriosis. I am happily married but I can't shake this feeling I have of "now what?". I also think I could be a bit depressed too and I know I have hormonal issues that come with my condition.
Despite feeling like this though people tell me all the time I look about 8-10 years younger than my actual age and they can't believe it when I tell them I'm 35. I'm trying to not let the negative voice in my head that tells me I'm "old" get me down and I try and live my life to the fullest as best as I can.
I'm starting a master's degree next month so I'm hoping that will give me a new sense of direction and purpose in my life.

I'm heading into my late 30's but can identify with what you wrote. I've put on weight in the last few years and have developed a matronly look, I look much older than lots of my peers who look great .
I think when we start the process of looking a bit older it can be really tough as society puts so much on female appearance. There's lovely advice here and I do lots of these things. I've decided not to put pressure on myself to look a certain way for others and to embrace myself as I am, and now the woman i see in the mirror doesn't look so bad after all.

Are you where you wanted to be at 32? I think that you're more resistant to getting older (and looking older) if you had an idea of what you were going to have achieved at that age and haven't.

Being young actually mostly sucks. Yes, you have shiny hair and firm skin (once you get out of the awkward phase where you don't know how to dress yourself or do your make-up properly) but I remember my 20s as being in survival mode, having barely enough money to afford the very small amount of food I ate to maintain my super slim figure, and being constantly messed around by silly boys of my own age.

I'm exactly where I hoped to be at 34 (and way happier than I was in my 20s) so I am not uncomfortable to look 34. I kept my expectations fairly low. 😂

I'm 30 and still have acne, if it makes you feel any better I'd swap it for a couple of wrinkles.

I’m 31 and feel pretty haggard to be honest.
I’m always tired. My body hurts (slipped a disc about 6 weeks ago and sciatica to go with it tho I’ve had backache long before this)
I’ve noticed I’m getting more wrinkles.

I just wish I wasn’t always tired and sore! I can cope with saggy skin.

You need to stop focusing that really have any relevance to who you are.
At 18 I remember thinking I hate my teeth.
At 25 I remember obsessing over the size of my arse.
At 32 I remember obsessing about not having a flat stomach.. When I look back at photos though... I looked great!!
If social media is making you compare yourself to others and feel crap then delete get rid.
It's a waste of energy, make the most of what you have. Eat well do a bit of exercise and get your hair done but you'll learn as you get older that your looks are the most boring part of who you are.
I've made so many good friends since 32, also a husband! Get out and live your life.

I don’t wish to belittle your feelings but when I was 33, I was diagnosed with cancer. While pregnant. Then I was dealing with a newborn during treatment. So things could be a lot worse - hopefully that puts a few wrinkles into perspective. Appreciate the good stuff and take life by the horns, girl - you only have one.

You’re very young. Don’t let society make you think you’re not. And we all age differently - I started going grey in my 20s and now at 36, I have to do my roots every 6 weeks. Go and pamper yourself a bit, maybe change things up? Treat yourself to a dermatology consultation for your face - they should be able to recommend products and dietary choices that will work for your particular skin type. Never forget sunscreen, it’s your skin’s best friend when it comes to aging. If you’re not very social there are ways to have positive human interaction that you’d be comfortable with - think about what that looks like for you. Maybe base it on a hobby or interest?

Otherwise I agree with others here that you should probably speak to your GP about your feelings generally because if there’s something depressive going on, you will need help with it. But do try and see the good - everything is still ahead of you, make the most of it x

I felt the same at 32 as I did at 25. It's so young OP. I was newly married and starting a new career, still out socialising a lot and burning the candle at both ends. I'm 36 now and do feel older but that's down to having a toddler and being heavily pregnant with my second child.

I'm 33, I hear you op. But I'm also aware that I'm probably mentally ill and need to see a gp, because as this thread suggests it's not normal to feel so low all the time... but I hear you x

Oh Lord I am 52 and don’t feel like that. I didn’t meet my DH until I was 32, married at 34 and had my DC at 39 and 41. Life could have anything in store for you. If you feel your skin and hair is a little dull book a facial and hair treatment every couple of months so you pamper yourself a bit.

It sounds to me like you may have something hormonal going on. What you've said about your skin is unusual and could be the result of a lot of different things. First port of call would be to do something about your low mood - I would definetely get some advice from a GP. For me exercising really helps. I'm 36 and felt like I was falling to pieces after having my kids at 30 and 32. It absolutely wrecked my body, my teeth needed work, my skin was a mess, I piled on weight. Gradually got back into exercise, ran my first ultra marathon in May then another in August and still weight was going on, skin was awful, hair was lank, I have bald bits, thick hairs on my chin in random places....i felt an absolute wreck and like nothing i did made any difference, i thought it was my age and the stress of the kids....finally saw a GP expecting to get fobbed off and they think I have PCOS. It's not curable but the symptoms are treatable and I'm amazed that I didn't put it all together before. So yeah, it's not normal to feel that way at your age, get to your doctors and see what they say xx

I felt great at 30, has my first child just before my 31st birthday and felt like I'd aged about 4 decades!!! I'm in my 50s now and am embracing every moment because on 20 years I'll be in my 70s! And I intend to embrace that too! You're still young and vibrant! So many people don't have the opportunity to live a long life. Don't waste time worrying and wishing it away. You have do much yet to come. X

Get yourself some botox and a good moisturiser and a gym session 4 times a week.

Will make such a difference

32 and I'm haggard!
Tbh I'm sure that two pregnancies with less than 2 years between has done me no favours at all, but I'm sure I've seen vibrant 32 year olds, I just don't fall into that category

Sounds like you're depressed. At 32 my long term relationship broke up so I moved to the other side of the world and spent a year there since I no longer had any ties here. I was forced to live with people as I couldn't afford to house myself any other way. This meant I usually had lots of activities on offer even if I didn't want to make the effort to organise it. I just joined in with what others were doing. Being active took my mind off things and even just travelling on my own filled my time and gave me a sense of purpose. I reckon if I was just sitting round at home in the UK with no real sense of direction I'd have been pretty down. It was all a distraction but after living abroad and taking time off my career, it also felt good to get back and get on with things (although I miss it to this day and wish I could've found a way to get a long term visa!). Sounds like you need to create a sense of purpose and as others have said, get on top of eating healthily/exercise, perhaps see a GP. I'm 10 years on now and had blood tests recently. Was really low in vit D. I think most people are unless you have an outdoors job. I feel better when I'm taking a high dose. Taking a good multivitamin might be the easiest thing to do first of all? (But get your levels checked first so you don't mask any deficiencies!) The other plus of leaving UK for me was the the sunshine and way of life helped me feel healthier with little effort too!

Also, I'd just like to add that everyone saying 32 is too young to feel old might not be taking into account that everyone is different. If you'd started the perimenopause for example, that could impact the way you feel too! Good luck x

It's not your age, it's your disposition.
I am 54, still look naturally good, and feel even better.
Age is just a number.
Read books and listen to people you wouldn't normally. Open up your mind.
Your happiness has nothing to do with looks, or circumstances, it is dependant on your mindset.

It’s common and most people in similar situation won’t admit it.

just cos you feel like this and others are saying “you shouldn’t” doesn’t mean they are right.

a lot of good advice about getting some bloods checked etc, but honestly 30’s your in the middle of two age groups (20s & 40s) that are very vocal for one reason or another
a lot of people in their 30’s do seem quieter than at any other time of life cos you can’t complain cos your not “old” but also your not “young” either

write a list of everything that makes you happy / your proud of

you can do a list of what YOU want to do or change but not what society says - helps with goals

but it’s more normal than people will admit to, but also check in with your GP for a MOT and some advice

I say this kindly as someone who just turned 40 and early 30’s even tho I was married was tough.

xxxx

Botox xx it’s amazing

I was full of beans with three boys aged 7,5 and 3. some if the hppiest days of my life, loved being at home with the three of them and my husband the breadwinner. I wouldn't change it for worlds. I'm 82 now and walk three mile every day.