How did you feel at 32? I feel so old and haggered

[honeybunny8]

I've recently 'celebrated' my 32nd birthday and maybe this sounds ridiculous to older people but I just feel so old and haggered now.

I'm not young anymore. My hair has grey strands. My skin and hair has little shine and I can see my face is loosing that 'youthful' look and leaving behind someone who looks dull and tired. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper, my eyes look less bright.

I've felt down and depressed since my birthday really. I don't have children, and I feel society is still very misogynistic and treats women as almost invisible when they are no longer young if they don't have the mother role.

I feel this will be the rest of my life now, invisible and declining everyday. Once my parents pass, no one alive will care about me anymore. I'm not very sociable and never have been, so on my birthday the only 'happy birthdays' I got were from close family members.

I don't know, maybe I'm just aware of my age and mortality more with this birthday. I was ok at 30 and 31 came and went. This just feels different for some reason.

I’m not sure it’s normal to feel like that at 42 either. I’m 58 and I don’t. And 8 know lots of people older than me who don’t. Nobody should feel like that about their life.

There’s so much about this that makes me sad.
first, there’s the clear association of looks with self worth. Mainly though ‘these are your best years’ - it’s so sad to think that people get to mid thirties or so and think they’ve had the best of their life. You’re alive a long time after 40 (luck permitting) - don’t go around thinking it’s all over for you!

I feel similar to you OP actually. I used to be attractive in my twenties but I have to work harder at it now. I’m also surrounded by a lot of younger people in my job which doesn’t help! I’m pregnant and my skin is really suffering (spots), but can’t take much for it. No Botox obviously and I’m putting on weight. No advice to you really but I feel you!

At 32 I still felt alright tbh, I had an 11 yo and 6 yo by that point.

It was after 35 I felt I looked older and more haggard (I'm 38 now) But without kids and aged 32, you will be looking great, I'm sure.

I was once at an activity where we had to write our DOBs down and there was a woman there who was a couple of months older than me. My DD mentioned her later on and said "that teenager who was there" and then described this woman. I said "she was older than me" and DD wouldn't believe it. Felt really old and shit looking then 😂

32!! I felt amazing at 32.

I'm now 36 with two very small kids and I do currently feel haggard - but I fully expect to be back feeling and looking good by the time I'm 40 - which to be honest I still consider young!

My 30s were the decade I looked my best. This is quite common. No more puppy fat but still young looking. Go get your bloods done. Maybe you are deficient in something. Is life ok in general ?

I think this is a combination of things for you. You need to have some fun in your life - laughing keeps you young at heart and body! Start by trying to make friends. Join a walking or running club. Take up a group sport. You need to start going out and about and taking care of yourself. If you’re depressed then perhaps a trip to the doctors may help or some counselling. You shouldn’t be feeling so down with life at 32. You’re in your prime. Do something about it now or you’ll regret not doing when you’re 50!

Some really harsh comments on here ie "get a fucking grip". Yes 32 is still young but as women a lot of emphasis is placed on our appearance and when we start to notice the first signs of ageing it can be hard to deal with.

I was bullied at school for being ugly but as I got older I started to grow into my looks and got a lot of male attention in my late teens/20s and I became reliant on it for validation. Now I'm in my 30s I feel that part of my identity has gone now I don't look as good. Even when I get attention it doesn't feel good in the same way because I think they must be taking the piss.

So cut OP some slack.

Some of these hurling replies at OP are rather shit. It's probably that she feels depressed that is making her view clouded maybe you have let yourself go? Another poster asked if you work? Social circle?

You have to look after yourself and make an effort you are the same as myself.

I feel exactly the same at almost 33. I’m putting on weight, my skin is dull and spotty, my hair is growing in grey, I feel permanently exhausted and I do have aches and pains!

I’m not even sure how to fix it. Admittedly I could prioritise myself more and start a self care routine maybe. Eat better and try to get more sleep! Who knows, I’m a single mum of three and I’ve barely got time for basic things let alone anything else!

I'm 40 with 3 young kids and a stressful job and don't relate to this at all! When I was 32 I was pregnant with my first child and certainly didn't feel old. My hair is very grey so I dye it and I'm older looking but also (I think!) better looking as my bone structure is more defined and my style suits my body more. You sound depressed so I'd see your GP if I was you. Hope you're OK.

I'm 31 and after having my 3rd baby suddenly I don't really feel young anymore! Grey hair, some wrinkles, and I'm thin but my body didn't bounce back like it did with the others and is kind of saggy and different!

But honestly you can only work with what you've got. Exercise, eat well, get a haircut, wear flattering clothes. 32 isn't 'old' but you might just be feeling a change and need to go with it and find what works for you now. I had a moment where some of my clothes suddenly felt too young for me and that was a shock!

In my prime as we were trying for our first baby so I was healthy, vibrant and excited about life and the possibilities of the future.

my 20’s were a blast, 30’s were a rollercoaster of adventure and heart break but a bloody great ride nonetheless!!

At 32 I felt completely exhausted as I had 2 children under 2 . I did look like and feel like a sack of s**t mainly because I didn’t have time to look after myself but yeah I didnt ceel
old and haggard. I’m 42 now and like you I notice grey hairs, lines etc . But it’s not going to get any better so I get my hair dyed and cut and use nice face cream to make myself feel better. I try to live a full life too- spending time with family, friends, Pursuing hobbies, I retrained in my career. With all that going on I don’t really have too much time to dwell on any of it to be honest.

I wish you all the best. We’re only getting older, the lines deeper, hairs greyer. It’s what you do about it isn’t it- you could fix the actual problem (Botox, hair appointments), or your perspective, or change things up a bit x

All you young 30 somethings feeling your faces have changed - well of course they have!!! Trouble is the faces of contemporaries you see in the media haven't. And I'll bet some of your friends are tweaking too.

Gee society has given mad, and women (thanks to the actions of other women sadly) are obviously feeling unnaturally (imo) pressured to look like teenagers

I felt amazing at 32 , loads of energy, career going well, very active social life, travelling loads. I didn't have children then either. It was great.

OP, it sounds to me as if you are suffering from depression. I didn’t feel like that at 32, and still don’t (now North of 60).
Please go and see your GP, check your vitamin levels as PP have suggested and I wish you all the luck in the world.💐Things can get better…

I think I felt my absolute best at 30-32, had a job I liked, felt fit and healthy and confident, and I hadn’t quite yet had my first baby. I’m only 38 but I feel significantly older now, partly because I’m so tired from being sleep deprived for the last five years and looking after my kids! Is this all about how you look or how you feel physically? I would find things you love doing and do them, what a gift to have the time and ability. If that’s too hard I recommend talking to someone, a few sessions with a therapist can really turn things around xx

I'm 36 with 2 kids, I feel about 86 currently. Absolutely exhausted, I've definitely lost my youthful look. I felt good at 32 though, I had a 1 year old then and although sleep deprived i still looked young and was in good shape. The last 4 years and having a 2nd baby have been an killer for me! I've gained weight and just look chubby and tired. I'm sure you still look great if you don't have any kids... get lots of sleep, exercise, water and slap on the moisturiser.

Yep I'm right here here you. I'm very hopeful for 40 😂

I think it’s normal as we age, whatever that age and it’s relative ‘youth’, to notice the passing of time and how we change. Certainly by my early thirties I gained weight more readily and didn’t recover so seemlessly from the physical ravages of alcohol and late nights. The focus you are putting on this though is likely out of proportion to the reality of the changes. Times as others have said to change regime/lifestyle to feel better about yourself and reverse some of the effects of ageing. Simply cleansing morning and night, staying hydrated and one monthly facial/nails treatment, along with regular haircuts can make one look more groomed and feel less haggard.

I feel very similar to you OP. For me it has sadly been the result of some traumatic experiences with relationships, but I think for a lot of people by their 30s they experience at least one major set back or event that makes them reassess life. I don't know what the answer is but I find keeping busy and making time to enjoy new experiences, like workshops, trips to different restaurants with friends etc., really help me. Let's keep powering through, everything is temporary and let's hope that something good is just around the corner 🤞

I could have written this, though I'm a bit older than you at 36, almost 37.

I've got curly hair but it's all brittle and frizzy with the odd gray. I've got lines on my forehead and eyes, I've got big dark circles under my eyes and I'm about 7 stone overweight.

I honestly look at my colleagues who have 10+ years on me and they don't look as old.

Granted they have husbands who bend over backwards to help them and I don't, I do most things at home and childcare wise as well as working a tough job with lots of responsibility and long hours but surely I can't be that alone?

I'm 32 and I feel haggard and tired. I have two under six and haven't had an unbroken night's sleep since 2017 as neither of my children appears to want to wean before they turn 3. I'm terrified about the way the world is going for women. I think about women in Iran, Afghanistan and Nigeria and then feel stupid for complaining about my silly problems. I hate my tiny house I can barely afford in an awful area, I hate my awful job and my DH is very hard work. He now admits that he does not do well in a partnership but I was a teenager when I met him and had no idea what a good partner looked like. I'm so lonely and touch starved. My parents were abusive so I have to stay away but they would be no help and would likely enjoy my pain and I don't have very many friends. I'm exhausted and very tired.

I feel you, OP. It hit me like a ton of bricks not long after I turned 31.

Hair started thinning, my face looked crap after night outs etc, wrinkles started showing, and weight/fitness doesn't come as easily.

Actually, it hit home when I was signed off work for a while, and being unwell for that time, I got horrendously unfit, when I never found fitness THAT difficult to get back before. Still working on it now. It's been a shock to the system to be honest at just how out of condition you can get, quickly, almost as soon as you hit your thirties.

I can't comment on the tiredness as I have M.E, and have done since a teen. I always feel exhausted.

Face masks have been my saviour, particularly the Body shop vitamin E ones. I have to use face masks 2-3 times a week now to feel somewhat comparable to my twenties-face.

Do have your b12 & folate checked as another poster suggested. I also suffered a deficiency in both (quite severely, I have pernicious anemia). I felt like I wanted to die. I had no appetite (unusual for me), no energy, had to sleep ALL the time, got numbness and tingling, heart palpitations, dizziness, and general terrible malaise. This is coming from someone with M.E who is kind of used to all this, but it was tenfold when I had deficiencies. I just wanted to die in my sleep to escape feeling so utterly horrid, if I'm brutally honest.

Mumsnet isn't the place to ask this. You'll get tons of responses on how they're 60 but feel and look like a fetus. It's different for everyone. Some feel it in their forties, some fifties, some even twenties. Have your health checked though OP. It's important.