How did you feel at 32? I feel so old and haggered

[honeybunny8]

I've recently 'celebrated' my 32nd birthday and maybe this sounds ridiculous to older people but I just feel so old and haggered now.

I'm not young anymore. My hair has grey strands. My skin and hair has little shine and I can see my face is loosing that 'youthful' look and leaving behind someone who looks dull and tired. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper, my eyes look less bright.

I've felt down and depressed since my birthday really. I don't have children, and I feel society is still very misogynistic and treats women as almost invisible when they are no longer young if they don't have the mother role.

I feel this will be the rest of my life now, invisible and declining everyday. Once my parents pass, no one alive will care about me anymore. I'm not very sociable and never have been, so on my birthday the only 'happy birthdays' I got were from close family members.

I don't know, maybe I'm just aware of my age and mortality more with this birthday. I was ok at 30 and 31 came and went. This just feels different for some reason.

I'm 32 as well OP. I can relate a tiny bit, as I haven't slept more than four consecutive hours since my baby was born a year ago, but otherwise I don't think what your feeling is normal, no. 32 is definitely still young! Most of my friends are around the same age too, very few of us have greys or visible wrinkles, and none I would describe as haggard, though those of us who are parents to babies and toddlers are definitely a bit run down. I try to get as much fresh air as I can, do yoga, drink lots of water, take vitamins. There's so much still to look forward to in life, I hope you can realise this soon and start to feel better.

At 32 I was going to raves and festivals , having several holidays a year and absolutely loving life.

Now at 54 I still go to raves and festivals but daytime ones now, still go away with friends and still love my life.

I don’t feel old at all. Age really is nothing but a number.

I'm a big believer in age being a frame of mind....I'm 44 with a 6yr old and 16mth old.....I'm training to do a half marathon (my last was 2015).... working 2 jobs....I've had times where I've struggled, I lost feeling in my leg last year and needed spinal surgery, I've still got no feeling in it but now I'm in a headspace where it won't stop me, it can't as I have small children

Have you seen your GP about how you feel?

I had no children at 32 and I was SO TIRED. I had too much time to fill and I was lethargic and felt rubbish. I'm now 34, I have 1 child and so much more energy than I had before despite having less free time available. My skin is better, my hair is better and my anxiety is way better than it used to be.

Find some hobbies, fill your evenings and if you're genuinely worried then ask your GP to check your vitamin and hormone levels.

At 35 I’m feeling pretty fucking haggard to be totally honest. I think I look grim and I’m also too fat. Timeline of events below:

• left school at 15 with 0 GCSEs

• got my first job as a legal secretary at aged 16

• Bought my first property at aged 18 (100 percent mortgage)

• first child at 19

• second child at 20

• third child at 21

• married at 22

• graduated with an OU degree (1st class) when I was 25

• Quickly followed by a masters, then a house move.

Basically I work full time in a professional role with three teenagers to look after. At 35 I just feel like I need a rest. I need to start looking after myself and reflecting on why I feel the need to live life in what seems to be a fast lane.

How did I feel at 32? Honestly I felt great. I had a two year old and was working full time in a Stressful job, but keeping up with a social life as much as a could for a working mum. Tired day to day yes of course. Started to get wrinkles and skin sagging just a little bit but nothing that got me down like that, nothing that a box dye and the odd bit of botox didn’t help with. 5 years and another child later and I wouldn’t say I’ve aged much more. Still got lots of energy and zest for life despite the busyness.

Honestly, you seem depressed OP. Life doesnt end in your 30s youre only just beginning really. Where do you want to go, What do you want to achieve, in the next 5 years?

At 32 I had 3 children under 7 and was absolutely exhausted, chaotic and frazzled!! I felt older then than I do now! That’s because I wasn’t looking after myself..like others say, exercise, drink water, do some fun stuff

Jesus op 32 is young! I'm nearly 34 and feel and look young. Anything in your 30s is young.

I'm 45 next month and I still look and feel great. No grey hairs, still slim and boobs haven't gone south (yet!).

Please stop caring about how 'society' sees you. They're not living your life. You are.

I’m the same age and have two small children. I probably don’t actually look haggard but I have visibly started aging now which is a little shock - I’ve never dyed my hair before but I’ve got grey streaks sneaking in, some very fine lines around my eyes, the foundation I’ve worn since 18 doesn’t work for my skin anymore.

You know these things will happen but it isn’t any less of a shock when you notice a grey streak!

Mid 30s here, with beautiful family and a good leadership role contributing to the society. Never been happier!

When I was 32 I was a stay at home mother to children 7 and 5. I was up from very early to very late and on top of caring for my family I did all the cleaning, painting, gardening for our family home. I didn't feel old, only tired. Not much has changed, just replace children with grandchildren. I'm 65, very happy, have some wrinkles but am happy to be healthy 💝

I can relate a bit. I'm recently 34. I don't feel old, but I can see the noticeable (to me) start of the ageing process. I don't think you're unreasonable to say you feel old! I have a 3yo btw. I have noticed my skin isn't as plump, my tum is a bit lower than I'd like, my breasts have sagged slightly. I think it comes as a bit of a shock to not see the 20yo in the mirror anymore! But go easy on yourself. We age, we can stave it off but goos genetics play a part. I have a few white strands and a couple small wrinkles. Get yourself some vitamins and sort an exercise plan. You are as young as you feel! But I can sympathise.

I felt pretty much the same as I did at 22. Still do at nearly 40. Probably happier now actually.

Jesus. Get a grip

Agree with this… also reminds me I need to actually take mine 😂

Stop being so self obsessed. 32 is’nt even middle aged

It's toxic to attach your worth to your appearance/age. Getting older is something to celebrate and quite honestly I really enjoy being more invisible now that I'm in my mid 40's and fat. It's great not having to put up with unwanted attention and inappropriate comments. Looks are the least interesting thing about a person in my opinion. Do you judge people's worth based on appearance/age? If not, then why are you so harsh on yourself?

It doesn't sound that common.
Different ages affect different people tbh- i'm in my early 50s and 50 was hard as i feel older than everyone else at work and everyone around my age looks old plus I've only just started to go grey
30s are tricky as you can feel old relative to other single people - i was unexpectedly single at 30 and felt like i had a time bomb on my back but physically i felt young- was clubbing all the time working long hrs and going out all the time. I agree with PP who said get yourself an overall health check as you shouldn't be physically tired at this stage of life - may not be physical either could be a sign of depression. Get fit- i did a bit but not properly and it is actually so much easier in your 30s.- and it would be nice to get to your full potential. I think society has got more appearance based since I was in my 30s which is hard but you need to try and move away from this- there is always going to be someone younger than you around but youth isn't our only value.

It's an odd time. I felt in a rut in my 30s. Having never been a looker, that aspect wouldn't have bothered me anyway, but didn't really change until my 40s. I think there's a lot of things we think we should have done by the time we reach our 30s. I certainly felt that. When l hit 40, I didn't care so much. Nearly 50 now and care even less BUT I think some of that comes with the confidence to do what you want, not what society thinks you should. And, personally, I found the ageing process very freeing in that respect.

Completely this! I’m 32 now and yes getting to the point where I’m feeling a bit of what OP is. Although I know there’s ALOT I could do to change it. My 20’s I got away with pretty much zero self care. Me and DH have been together since we were 17, house at 21, married at 23, travelled a bit, baby at 26, another baby at 29. I really wracked up the major life events and the stress but doing zero self care.

I’ve never bothered about eating right, drinking enough water, exercising, vitamins or anything! I never felt like I needed too, I felt fine! Then 31/32 hit, I realised all of a sudden I’d put on a hell of a lot more weight than I though after my second child, I’m anaemic, B12 deficient, bordering on high BP (due to the weight!), chronically dehydrated, had kidney stones and get infection after infection and my motivation to do anything at all has upped and left!

I think like OP honestly I just need to frame myself. I know something wrong so I need to change something. See a doctor, try joining an exercise class, eat properly and drink enough. Because I do think there comes a point for everyone where you just have to change. And yes that’s really hard but 32 isn’t old, you’ve got your whole life ahead.

If you let age get you down, you'll never be content. You're not invisible or declining; you're a normal person living life.
I started my career at 32. I had a bit of a wobble at 40 thinking that life was going a bit too fast (no kids, a few 'milestones' not hit). I'm in my 50s now, fitter than I've ever been and feel pretty ok.

It's OK to have a down day where the clouds gather but you do sound a bit more upset than is reasonable over this.
You also sound a bit resigned. If you aren't social then you won't have any friends to send birthday wishes. But you've got plenty of time to work on that and all these other things that seem to be contributing to you feeling down.
Lots of suggestions here on ways forward. Please don't accept that being older and being depressed are the same thing. You've got lots of life to look forward to x

What do you mean you become invisible when you get older. I am 39 (40 in a month) and I haven't felt invisible a day in my life. Grey hair, so what. Either colour it or be proud of it - your choice. Bad skin - go get a treatment, eat better, sleep better, exercise. Find a hobby, change career, go back to uni (I went to uni at 32).
No friends? Well, why does it only bother you now?
It is true what they say - age is your attitude. I was an absolute child in my early 30th. And by the way, aside from my grown-up stepchild, I have no children either. So no, I don't feel dismissed on that basis at all.
It sounds like you are stuck in a rut but there is really no point in reminiscing about your youth. You are not going to go back there and undo things. It's time to look forward.

Age is just a number! You haven't reached the "average" age for starting a family yet. I don't think it's anything to do with your age,it's your state of mind, agree, probably depressed about your life in general. Extremely difficult to get a GP appointment these days for anything, never mind routine bloods. Do you work, enjoy your job, see your parents, have hobbies? I'm 72, got a birthday coming up.... just relieved I'm still here. A few wrinkles,yes. I do try to look after myself, but not obsessive,no fancy work done,fillers or anything. I went completely natural hair colour during lockdown,it was blond, front completely white (never did grey) asked my youngest DD, who is now 31,does it make me look old. Her reply "mate, I would kill for your hair colour" a lot of people compliment me on it, but think it's dyed.