How did you feel at 32? I feel so old and haggered

[honeybunny8]

I've recently 'celebrated' my 32nd birthday and maybe this sounds ridiculous to older people but I just feel so old and haggered now.

I'm not young anymore. My hair has grey strands. My skin and hair has little shine and I can see my face is loosing that 'youthful' look and leaving behind someone who looks dull and tired. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper, my eyes look less bright.

I've felt down and depressed since my birthday really. I don't have children, and I feel society is still very misogynistic and treats women as almost invisible when they are no longer young if they don't have the mother role.

I feel this will be the rest of my life now, invisible and declining everyday. Once my parents pass, no one alive will care about me anymore. I'm not very sociable and never have been, so on my birthday the only 'happy birthdays' I got were from close family members.

I don't know, maybe I'm just aware of my age and mortality more with this birthday. I was ok at 30 and 31 came and went. This just feels different for some reason.

I look my age. I'm just not miserable about it. Tie your looks to your happiness and you're on a highway to disappointment.

Yes to all of this!

I am so much healthier and happier in my 30s than I was in my 20s.

Agree with pp re exercise. Get some 2kg dumbbells from argos and do a home workout 3x a week. The feeling of getting stronger is incredible. I use the app Fiit but if you don't want to fork out just find some on YouTube.

I felt like this in my early 30s

Fast forward to my 50s where I feel I am in my prime I am not deluded, I definitely LOOK fifties, My skin is sagging etc etc

But emotionally and physically I feel better

So just ride out these early thirties blues and make peace with the concept of ageing, and then embrace life

I felt old and haggard at that age because I'd just had my first baby and it was a massive shock to the system, both physically and psychologically.

But cheer up because it did get so much better. I had the BEST time in my 40s and (I won't tell you how old I am now!) but feel my most glam and confident.

Grey hairs can be fixed - just take care of your health in terms of diet, exercise, sleep and drink enough water. But - do dial down the alcohol because that IS one thing you might cope less well with as you get older. The mistake lots of people make is to go on drinking and partying as if they're 19 and that's when things get a bit sad!!😀

Exactly this - if there are things that get you down, then either change those things or change your view about those things. Your life is yours to live as you please, we all age but that doesn't mean we should only live when we are young!

Honestly, I am nearly twice your age, go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, and certainly don’t feel ready to accept the descriptor “old and haggard” yet.

Agree with others. At 32 (I'm not much older now) I was glowing, healthy, full of life and plenty of ambition - I felt like I'd only just scratched the surface.

First, get your health checked. Are you eating healthily, a nutritious balanced diet?
If you can rule all of that out, then time for a mindset reset. Read some personal development books, get inspired, take a trip. Do something to get out of your funk. Your 30s are a beautiful period, don't waste it!

I second exercise. It helps your skin to glow and keeps you young! Always look about a decade younger when I've been exercisign.

41 here. Exhausted, yes haggard, but I think happier than ever. Mostly.

Being kind to the OP for a minute I tihnk early thirties can be a shock. Most of us can get away with minimal self care our twenties - the bloom of youth carries us through. Suddenly you have to think about more sleep, better diet, better skin and hair care to maintain the same levels of energy and your looks.

But do make those changes - you will thank you past self when you hit 40 and 50. Mr Monkey is in his early fifties and started serious distance running in his early thirties. The difference in terms of energy, body shape, health and fitness between him and some of his contemporaries who carried on with drinking and sedentary lifestyles is enormous (that is not to say he doesn't still love a pint or 4!)

I feel like you age tremendously 25-35 but then it kind of slows down. Get a good skin care routine, exercise, flattering hair cut, find a style that suits you. It's not for everyone but I love fillers and Botox. These are your best years

Hi OP, I am also 32, 33 next month. I know what you mean! Whilst I know that really, 32 is quite young still I feel so tired. My hair is really greying, I’m also finding I put weight on so much easier now. All of my joints creak when I get up/move. I know a lot of the above could be fixed with improved diet and a trip to the hairdressers but I miss the bouncy energetic 10 years ago me 🥲

I have recently had DC2 who is 8 months old so appreciate he has sucked the life out of me. I remember after DC1 was born starting to feel more myself when he was around a year/18 months old so trying to give myself a break!

It’s hard to not look in the mirror and not like what you see. For me, I have been trying to acknowledge that I am not going to look the way I did in my twenties, or suit the same clothes that I did. I have invested in some good skin care and and a couple of new pieces in my wardrobe that make me feel good. I have also started to do a small challenge, where I make sure that I drink at least a litre of water a day, so at least 5000 steps and read my book for at least 10 minutes. I normally exceed these targets but thought I’d start small and it feels good to carve out some time to yourself and nourish your mind and body.

Sending you a hug! I’ve just turned 33, but actually I do still feel very young. I don’t have children, but I feel like the rest of my 30s is full of possibilities and adventure. Where I have lived (London, and before that New York) most of my friendship group/ wider circle don’t have children until late 30s at least.

I had a great time being 32 - had some of the best sex of my life, ran a half marathon, worked hard and now feel like my career has really clicked, and planned lots of trips with friends. I like planning monthly activities with different groups of friends - like, a group of us go on a hike by the sea once a month, a group of us who want to improve our Spanish all have a dinner where we just speak in Spanish once a month. These are all groups that have grown organically, by the way. Not a fixed friendship group - people just bring people along who they think will enjoy the walk/ dinner. It’s been a great way to meet people.

You say you’re not sociable, but a monthly arrangement can really help with this. Have you looked at things like volunteering opportunities where you live? What about learning a language or going to a weekly dance/ yoga/ fitness class? I find a sociable act begets another sociable act.

In terms of looks, I’ve been getting grey hairs since I’ve been 20, and I can’t be bothered to keep up the maintenance of dying them (when there are so many other more fun things to be doing!), so I just leave them and have stopped worrying about them.

Skincare: exfoliate once a week, use SPF, a daily moisturizer and a thick, unperfumed night cream before you go to sleep. It doesn’t need to be an expensive one. I use the Nivea almond oil one.

Drink lots of water, and eat lots of fresh fruit and veg.

Basically though, I think you need to meet some other people your age who don’t yet have children. There are so many ways to do life, and so many different timelines. Also, try reading the book ‘Dear Dolly’ by Dolly Aldterton. She has a lot of very uplifting advice on this topic.

Honestly, there is so much in life to look forward to and enjoy! I think you need to have a think about what makes you happy, and do a bit of working out how to get more of that in your life. Good luck!

Ps: a friend once told me on her 40th birthday (this was when I was still younger than you are now) that the best thing about getting older is that people stop caring about your "status". Ie whether you're married, have kids etc etc.
The thirties are tough for this. People definitely benchmark themselves. But then as you get older things broaden out. Some people are married, some people never married, some are now divorced - it's all less of a big deal.
Same with kids: the early years and intense and hard but then as they get older you get some of your life back if you're a parent, so who had kids and who didn't all becomes less relevant to friendships/socialising etc.
I do think early thirties is a tricky time but I PROMISE everything gets better as you age. And after a while you really wont care about what you look like because it's who you are and what your do/enjoy/spend your time on/who you spend your time with that matters.
Hang in there xxx

I'm in my 50's. Anytime I start fretting about my looks I remind myself that in 10 years time I will look back at myself now and ask what I was worried about.
In all seriousness - you're still young even if you don't feel it, but you're obviously not happy - but that is something that you can help yourself with. Have a check up, get out more, do some exercise, get a new hobby - try different things until you find something that lifts you and makes you feel better.

Everyone's different; I didn't age much til 35 (funnily enough when I had my first child) and 6 years later I look like a totally different person!

I’m 30 and don’t feel haggard just yet. I’m a lecturer so around teens a lot, many of whom think millennials like me are total dinosaurs! I don’t wish I was a teen again though, I looked much worse as a teen because I didn’t care about myself.

I exercise a lot, try to eat well and try to get decent sleep (although this is tough with young DC and a full on job!). Simple things like dressing well, having your hair done and having a manicure go a long way too.

I turned 33 this year and I feel the best I've ever felt in my life. I ran my first 10k this year. I've lost weight, kept it off, and exercise several times a week. I'm also about to start my masters degree part time while still working. Definitely don't feel old.

I also don't have children, and don't plan to. I had a moment of panic about this when I turned 30, but realised this was because I felt I had to because its what society expects. Now I'm doing what i want, and focusing on that, the panic has gone.

You do sound a little depressed OP, I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself.

Please ignore anyone telling you that you're being ridiculous or to "get a grip", your feelings are valid and that won't help at all.

Definitely try not to dwell on what you think you should be or any of that stuff. Instead focus on what you want and what might give you a bit of a boost. Treat yourself with some kindness.

As others have suggested, a decent skincare routine and maybe getting your hair done or just coloured may well help. Just taking some time out for that bit of self care can help you to feel a bit more "worthy" I think, and we all deserve that. Try and make it a regular thing, if you don't already. Make time for yourself a priority.

As someone else mentioned, perhaps get your bloods checked if you haven't recently, vitamin/mineral deficiencies can definitely play a part. Eat well, exercise and drink plenty of water too, it all helps.

I'm 32 and I can relate. It's just not as easy as it used to be and staying on top of things like skin, hair, weight is just so much harder now isn't it! But my attitude is that it isn't going to miraculously get easier and we're only going to age more so finding the things that make you feel good and work for you now are important.

I've struggled with my mental health more since 30 than I ever have so it might be worth considering that these feelings might be just that. The GP was a nightmare but if you can spring for a private counsellor it is 100% worth it.

Good luck, you will be ok, it just takes a bit more time and effort nowadays xxx

Crikey, you are so young.

I have 10 years on you and don't think I look that different. I've got a few more wrinkles, no grey hair yet. I think I look my age and I'm fine with that. Growing old is a privilege.

I think I maybe have more energy. My kids are still young but not infants and I have far more time to myself than I did at your age - that definitely helps. However I have a far more senior and demanding job so I suppose it's swings and roundabouts.

Really, you are a matter of months out of your 20s OP, you shouldn't be feeling like this. Start making time to look after yourself - and I don't necessarily mean appearance wise but health wise, mental and physical. It really sounds like you need it.

I’m 33 and my skin has changed noticeably in the last couple of years. Duller and fine lines.

I’ve added a daily acid exfoliant and vitamin C serum which has helped with the dullness (Sali Hughes revolution if you’re interested).

Try to identify one thing that you really enjoy doing, and do more of it.

I’m 32, almost 33, with a husband, demanding job, 2 young kids and a puppy - not feeling my absolute best but life is seriously hectic and I’m fully aware that I can fully drag myself back by prioritising self care; I’m probably 7-10kg heavier than my ‘fighting weight’, manage to keep my face looking decent with a combination of Skin&Me, hydration, chemical exfoliation, and I love (well done) makeup. Hair and body are a complete disaster and I’m last on everyone’s list, my own included, but I know what I need to do.

I hope you don’t mind me saying OP, but you sound like you may be a little depressed - I can recognise the sense of hopelessness in your voice which is very familiar from my own lower periods.

What do you want from life OP? What are your goals? What things do you think you could start with, baby steps?

I know society can make it hard to believe, but you are not defined by your parental status, and anyone who thinks so isn’t worth the time of day.

You have so much ahead of you, you can have a wonderful life whatever your goals are.

If you want a straightforward first step - subscribe to Skin and Me, buy an oil and hydrating gel cleanser - I like Superfacialist vitamin C oil and Neutrogena Hydroboost, some La Roche Posay Cicaplast Baumé, and once you’re good with that, add a hyaluronic acid serum and a gentle chemical exfoliant. DM me if you want more of a step-by-step. All of these things are accessibly priced, Boots or Amazon and often on offer. That will tick the dull face box.

Some people get grey hairs as teens! I'm 33 and feel pretty good. I'll have my second newborn soon and maybe the sleep deprivation will get me this time around but overall I feel like I still look young.

Drink lots of water, wear high SPF sunscreen every day, eat healthy food and exercise. Classic advice but I find it really is true.

Perhaps it's time for a new look or hairstyle? It might give you a boost!