To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

What is a "first degree relative"?!

It's really up to the parents, tho - they're under no obligation to tell anyone at all, because it's their baby.

It might be accidental. Some people get really upset if relative A informs relative B before they get a chance to do it themselves, whereas others are quite happy to let someone pass on the news to the rest of the family. Quite possibly the parents have assumed that the grandparents will have passed the news on to everyone else, but the grandparents thought they shouldn't steal their thunder so haven't.

What’s the timing? I didn’t tell anyone for two days.

Parents, sibling or child is first degree. This isn't OP being precious.

I'd expect to be told by another first degree relative within a few hours if not by the parents first/instead.

I guess it’s down to your actual relationship. If you only send each other Christmas cards then I guess not, if you’re in and out of each others houses, baking cakes and sharing lifts etc.. then probably

A grandparent with a typical relationship with their child, 24 hours. Anyone else in the family, up to a week? I’d kind of expect the grandparents to dish it out tbh

No one?

I think if a sibling with no falling out and regular contact (say once a month and celebrations) is not informed of a birth without complications within a few days - that would be odd.

I also think it’s an odd thread without details 🤷🏻‍♀️

What’s a first degree relative? I’d expect someone to tell me if it’s was my siblings baby, but apart from that I wouldn’t get too upset about it.

Are you usually in regular contact with the "first degree relative" in question, or have they reduced contact with you?

This. Nobody has to be informed. The Mum will know, she was there and if together she’ll let her Partner know. There is nothing to say that anyone should be told.

Maybe the new parents want some time to themselves. Best way to do that is tell nobody until they are ready.

It's not about you. It's not your baby

My dad still doesn’t know I had a baby 6 years ago. 🤷‍♀️

No one told me when my Dsis had her first - I only found out when I phoned up three days later - but it was just because everyone thought someone else had got in touch. I didn't take it personally.

Guess it depends on the relationship. First degree relatives I'm guessing you mean siblings or parents. Depends on how often you usually speak to them. If I'd given birth I'd probably forget to tell one of my siblings for at least a few weeks, maybe longer. We usually only speak once a year or so.

Agree, depends what's the relationship an how long before you were told?

It depends if you've gone no-contact. If so, yabvu.

Imo, if you've just had a baby, it's not an auspicious time to resume contact with someone you've gone no-contact with. Resuming contact is a drama-heavy activity and I'm not up for that when I've just given birth, I'm bleeding, breastfeeding etc. I do not want my prodigal relative(s) turning up to cuddle the baby when we last spoke on bad terms, years ago.

If this applies to your situation... well just know, it's not about you. It's about the needs of the baby and the postpartum mother. They don't need your drama (if hypothetically your situation resembles the one I've described)

If close relationship then within a few hours if parents are in a position to tell me/other relative who can pass on. So all being well enough etc. We certainly told all our close first degree relatives very soon after birth of both of our kids. I'd say probably within an hour of each? Basically got stitched and cleaned up and settled etc, had tea and toast and then called them all but theres not many so really it was two phonecalls each time only.

I'm assuming someone has told you, hence the post? How long ago did your relative give birth and what kind of relative are they to you? What's your relationship like overall?

Depends entirely on the state of your relationship with the parents of the baby.

If you have a cordial relationship I'd expect to be told on the day of the baby's birth. But there's probably some trend now for waiting a week before telling anyone so as not to unbalance the sacred parent and newborn dynamic.

One of my parents doesn’t know about either of my children and they’re teenagers 🤷‍♀️

Do you live in the same country/time zone as them?

I found out my nan had died, when I saw it announced on facebook! Admittedly, it was the middle of the night in the UK, so no one called me till the morning.

If you have a close enough relationship with them, they would tell you. Just being a ‘first degree relative’ doesn’t mean you are entitled to know. You can have better, closer relationships with a work colleague that a ‘first degree relative’.

Before I had a child - straight away
After I went through childbirth myself and the shit show that was I'd place no expectations on new parents whatsoever. However closely related