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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

333 replies

MarySmit · 13/09/2023 22:12

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

OP posts:
Original poster
MarySmit · 13/09/2023 22:33

Definition of first degree relative has been explained. Not no contact, had been in contact during pregnancy, including shortly before birth. Heard nothing following, then another relative mentioned it in passing.

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/09/2023 22:34

You haven't said how long it's been so YABU.

lavendersbluedillydilly12 · 13/09/2023 22:36

It seems pretty unlikely to be personal. It's pretty intense having a baby. We have a family WhatsApp chat that we went on a couple of hours after the birth of our first. Expect we'll do the same again!

LittleMrsPretty · 13/09/2023 22:37

I told immediate family straight after - mine and DH, sister, brother, mum & dad - GP I called a few days later. Everyone else can find out from immediate family and GP.

allmyliesaretrue · 13/09/2023 22:37

I find all this 'not telling' people really weird - unless you have a strained relationship.

I couldn't wait to share the joyful news of my babies' births with everyone I love!!! And I couldn't wait for them to meet them either.

My parents were literally waiting for news with bated breath!! When my sisters' babies were born I was like an anxious mother/father - in fact I was in the hospital for 2 of the births (not present at the birth, just waiting for news!)

I don't know what is wrong with people...

sunflowerdaisyrose · 13/09/2023 22:38

I'd expect to know within a few hours, as soon as they're feeling up to telling anyone really!

Gloopyhoop · 13/09/2023 22:38

We'd plan on telling immediate (husbands) family within a few hours. My own family I'm NC with for very good reason so they won't get the pleasure of knowing they have another grandchild. They'll probably find out eventually via nosy parkers but hopefully that will be when baby is a good year or so old at least.

CurlewKate · 13/09/2023 22:40

@KingOfThieves "A grandparent with a typical relationship with their child, 24 hours."

Seriously? It's OK not to tell your parents that you've had a baby, assuming it's gone well and everybody's fine, for 24 HOURS?????

AngryBirdsNoMore · 13/09/2023 22:40

You actually haven’t explained first degree relative.

FloweryName · 13/09/2023 22:40

Birth announcements within a few hours to the nearest and dearest are normal in my world, but new parents seem to be weird about this stuff nowadays.

Squiblet · 13/09/2023 22:41

I don't know what is wrong with people..

In what way is it "wrong" not to tell family immediately? It's just different to you, that's all

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2023 22:42

There’s no “should” about it I don’t think. It’s up to the person giving birth.

It would be weird to tell all of your siblings plus parents and leave out one sibling without a backstory, ie a falling out, of some kind though.

ThePoshUns · 13/09/2023 22:44

You know about it, so you have been informed by someone

Ragwort · 13/09/2023 22:44

These days everything seems to have to be 'instant'.... and online ... I phoned my DM a few hours after I had given birth .. it was pretty traumatic.. EMCS. Can't even remember if I told my siblings, I expect my DM did. I then sent out birth announcement cards (that's something you never see these days).

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2023 22:44

With both of mine we did because with Dc1 there were some problems picked up at 20 week scan and I wanted to reassure people, and with dc2 I couldn’t have not told my Mum as she was looking after dc1!

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2023 22:44

How long has it been and who did tell you?

With DC2 I wanted to tell as many people as possible myself as quickly as possible. That’s because with DC1 I was unconscious at the birth and the next few days were complicated so DH sent the odd WhatsApp to the key people and asked for it to be passed on but we had other things going on.

Starlightstarbright2 · 13/09/2023 22:44

1st degree reminds me of degree tears ..

tbh … so much depends .. if you are sibling I would maybe inform mum and ask her to pass it on ..

my Ds had jaundice so was very busy in hospital the first few days .

WandaWonder · 13/09/2023 22:45

My mum was with us but dh called his parents, then let the grapevine do the rest

Original poster
MarySmit · 13/09/2023 22:46

First degree relative has a clear definition (parent, child, sibling). In this case it was a sibling.

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 13/09/2023 22:46

ThePoshUns · 13/09/2023 22:44

You know about it, so you have been informed by someone

I agree. If op wanted to be phone-called by the new mum herself... well she probably has never endured a traumatic birth

WeWereInParis · 13/09/2023 22:46

Is this your sibling? If so, I'd assume that they thought your parents would tell you, and your parents thought your sibling would tell you directly.

Threeboysadogandacat · 13/09/2023 22:47

Dsd is very good at letting us know of the arrival of babies on her side before the Facebook announcement, dss less so. As long as they arrive safely I’m not too worried though.

PumpkinBum3 · 13/09/2023 22:47

allmyliesaretrue · 13/09/2023 22:37

I find all this 'not telling' people really weird - unless you have a strained relationship.

I couldn't wait to share the joyful news of my babies' births with everyone I love!!! And I couldn't wait for them to meet them either.

My parents were literally waiting for news with bated breath!! When my sisters' babies were born I was like an anxious mother/father - in fact I was in the hospital for 2 of the births (not present at the birth, just waiting for news!)

I don't know what is wrong with people...

Same!

BreadandButters · 13/09/2023 22:49

as others have said it really depends on how close you are - and how the birth goes probably. In my own family I would expect to hear within 24 hours or so of a birth. Sooner if all had gone as expected. Dniece was in NICU after birth but her parents wanted to tell everyone personally that she had been born so it was, understandably, about a day after she arrived that I was told. They had more
important things to deal with than letting me know.

WednesdayIsTheWeekend · 13/09/2023 22:49

So your sibling has gone through the stress of birth and having a newborn and you’re making it about you. That probably says a lot about what the issue is tbh.