To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

I know someone who had a baby and didn't tell her own mother for twenty years... That's extreme but it's not a right to be informed.

I think it would be normal for most people, yes. I even got told about my step mother’s niece’s baby, so would definitely hope either of my siblings or my child would tell me!

My parents and dh's parents were called straight away from the hospital and we asked them to tell other people the good news, and said nobody was to put it on social media as we wanted to do that ourselves.

I then got lots of congratulations messages from various people and texted a couple of my own friends the news, but overall my mum was in charge of telling most of my family.

My point is you shouldn't nessacarily be mad at the babies' parents as they may have been counting on someone else to spread the news.

Toxic relatives don’t need to be informed of anything

I voted AIBU because its clear they don't like you and you're not close. So you're unreasonable to expect to be told. Also I didn't tell people directly and just put a post up on social media to save my energy.

Is this how you’d respond to this question in real life?

Really? If someone confided in you about this situation in real life, you’d have no words of sympathy and just imply that they were “toxic”?

I don’t want to single you out though. There have been many unkind comments on this thread and I can’t see anything in the OP’s posts to warrant them.

I'd have said within bout 3-4 hours is what I would consider the norm. This thread has been illuminating though!

My post was an amalgamation of two or three posts on page three, to make a point. Because AIBU isn’t just one person, it’s a pile on.

Not really. I could also have included “you sound awful” and “you’re making this all about you”.

I think undeserved comments like that are unkind, yes. My rule is that if I wouldn’t say it IRL to someone I’d just met, I’d better not to say it on here. And especially not to someone who’s already feeling down.

There were several snippy comments made by different posters. If you re-read the thread, they’re all there.

@saraclara I understand your POV. My personal experience is with an overbearing, toxic MIL who would refuse to hand baby back amongst MANY other things. She still acts entitled.

LOTS of other women face the same. In fact on the 'What to Expect' chat boards there is a whole forum dedicated to overbearing MILs.

With next baby, she's not getting told when baby is born for at least a couple of months. She isn't given the option to provide help or childcare because she has done things to jeopardise my child's health and safety. She's lucky she gets an hour once a fortnight with DH to supervise and I don't want a damn thing from her.

My dad can be involved as much as he wants and helps with childcare, as well as other members of family but they have no restrictions on access to LO as they are more than considerate with regards to boundaries. Sometimes it all depends on the actions of the particular family member - if they are being excluded, 9/10 times there is a good reason for it.

LOTS of other women face the same. In fact on the 'What to Expect' chat boards there is a whole forum dedicated to overbearing MILs

Only MILs? Not mothers?

(I'm only a MIL to sons in law, thank goodness, so nothing personal in this. But I do dislike the almost globay negative attitude to MILs by DILs here)

But even the most overbearing MIL should surely not have to wait for two months to even be told that the baby is safely born? If you want to keep her away, that's your choice. But not even a 'safe and well' call from her son?